My husband of 17 years

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by OceanBlue2, Oct 23, 2009.

  1. OceanBlue2

    OceanBlue2 Member

    When I married this man, he was as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside. It wasn't just him, it was me...we changed throughout the years. Kids, jobs...but NO MATTER WHAT...we would ALWAYS stay together. After all, our parents were married until my mom and his mom died. THat's just the way we were raised. I wouldn't leave him. I am NOT saying this is a good thing, just only what we knew.

    He died. He died in our bed when I wasn't there. I don't take blame in it because he told me to leave. He died of an overdose. My oldest says he died of a broken heart. I don't think I can write that last letter and send it up in a balloon, the final closure. I'm not being melodramatic. I've never said this to anyone. I just will not let him go. I love him.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You dont need to let him go. Hold on to all the good memories. Smile when you remember him and all the years you shared. The good moments and even the bad because it is a 17 year legacy you both created. And I'm proud of you for not taking the guilt for what happened. No matter how close you are to a person that final decision is theirs alone to make. I'm sorry for you loss and hope that in time you will find a way to find the closure you will need. But for now hold on to the good things.
     
  3. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    I cant say much more than what Itmahanh has said.

    Alot of people here have loved and lost and you are amongst good people who can understand your situation. All i can say is be kind to yourself and good things will come your way. And like Itmahanh said, smile at the good memories and laugh at the adventures im sure you both had.
     
  4. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    :hug: ya
     
  5. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    How about you write a book sweetheart. My Mum is always telling me to write a book about my tragedies, whether it becomes successful or not, it may be that final red balloon for the bitter.
     
  6. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    You can show it to your friends!
     
  7. Jseer

    Jseer Active Member

    Thats so unheard of in todays marriages and tommorows divorces,i sure would'nt mind reading some of the interesting stories you two shared and how made it work.Society could sure as heck use some material such as that!
    Thanks for the share!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2009
  8. suicider628

    suicider628 Well-Known Member

    Till death do us apart.

    That is the vow, there is nothing to be sad about, you two were together until the very end. Cherish his life and your memories of him by living yours.
     
  9. OceanBlue2

    OceanBlue2 Member

    Thank you ALL SO MUCH for your messages.

    Drive, do you know that we both talked about writing a book? But he wanted his to be "The fisherman's guide to gaining land". I didn't think it would sell. ;) We sure went through our problems, we went to Retrouvaille (a marriage counseling seminar) and through it all, the love never went away.

    And you're right, suicider. You're all right.
     
  10. OceanBlue2

    OceanBlue2 Member

    I want to help others, but I can't seem to understand how to.

    I have dreamt of my husband EVERY night since his death. In all of my dreams, he is with someone else because I didn't give him all of my love. I was afraid of getting hurt. Can you believe, being married for so long, and holding back because you're afraid to lose someone, only to actually really lose them forever and never have given them yourself entirely? Are we supposed to give ourselves entirely? Those walls are up...walls that nothing can destroy. Every night I wake up in convulsive shaking and crying because my husband is not there again. I am busy all day. I don't think of this 24/7, I really don't. But it haunts me constantly. Am I so obsessed that I can't move on? It's so easy to say move on, but when you've gone through it, it's so damn hard.

    My daughter. My oldest one - she showed me her arm the other day and she was completely cut up because of what she says her boyfriend has put her through emotionally and physically. That's all I can think of now. I try to tell her to live with me, I will get her to a therapist, but I'm not even well enough or strong enough to pull her through this??? I know deep down I'm still her for her and my other daughter (who is doing absolutely wonderful), but if my oldest, who had a very close relationship with her father, hurts herself, it just destroys me. I CANNOT be weak, I have to be strong. But being strong for so long wears someone out. I'm truly not a strong person, but I am trying. I care so much, it hurts. I'm sorry to burden, I have to get this out.
     
  11. SmilesAlot

    SmilesAlot New Member

    I'm sorry for your loss Blue. I was just feeling tired/depressed a bit but then I googled a few words, ran into this forum, saw a link with your topic title and I had the will to sign up to see what your topic was about. What you and your husband had was something great and the love between you was great as well. I'm sure he would want you to be happy. As for your daughter being cut up. I honestly think you should try harder to help her, IF, one day something happens to her, I know if it was my daughter I wouldn't stop blaming myself, knowing I didn't try harder to help her or save her, so I wouldn't be able to live with that on my conscience. But just live each day with a smile, be glad your living, be it working hard or taking it easy, as long as those memories and days you had with your husband are great memories, that should be the only thing to matter, doesn't matter if your religious or not, just think to yourself that one day you'll meet up with him one day, and you'll be able to live happy again. And the book situation, you don't have to think hard on how it should be written or not, just write as how your life was born and till this current day, just try to express all your thoughts onto paper without thinking about how it will sound or not, that's my idea of a book of someone's life. Sorry for this being long but hope this helps!
     
  12. Sidewalk Slam

    Sidewalk Slam Well-Known Member

    This threads a bit old now, so I would like to know how you're doing? Are you pulling through ok? How is your daughter doing? I hope you'll come back around to update us.