my husband says i can be cured

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by UsedToBe, Jun 17, 2011.

  1. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    I'm bisexual, just recently came out to my husband, after 10 years of marriage. Basically I just wanted to make it clear as I grew tired of his homophobic remarks behind the backs of some of my friends.
    Now he's saying that he feels sorry for me that I got unwell (he thinks everyone who's not heterosexual is sick), and that he is going to cure me by hahving sex with him. I said this is not an illness and that I have always been bi, and even if there was cure I wouldn't want one.
    He said that me admitting to be bi means that I've been lying to him for ten years. For me it means the end of this marriage unless he stops saying I'm ill and can be cured.
    Feeling so upset, angry and disappointed now...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2011
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    being bi is *not* something to be cured. Your hubby is wrong about that. Don't let him get to you.

  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Even if he stops saying it, he'll still be bigoted towards part of who you are... And he doesn't seem to feel any empathy at all if he considers it lying rather than understanding why you wouldn't bring it up.

    I think this might be an end...
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    This is so sad, i hoped that the world by now, had more advanced thoughts on this subject.
    He probably knows bi or gay people as friends, that hold the secret, he just doesn't know.
    Remember you have nothing to change.................but he certainly does.
    I would suggest that he researches various sexualities to gain a better understanding, but something tells me that would only make him angry.
    Remember though, his masculine pride has took a massive hit, so being a typical bloke, is answer is lashing out and the immature thoughts of "straightening you out"
    Be you, be proud of what you are, forgive him for his ignorance and try to work things through.
    But don't stay if it becomes, or remains abusive.
    You have a right to love and be loved, regardless of your sexual orientation.
  5. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    It never seems to amaze me some people are just idiots. This must be very hard for you. There is nothing wrong with you our is it an illness. I'm at a loss .. i not sure what else i can say, i'm so sorry. I don't think his response to this is normal at all, i hope things work out for you.
  6. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately I know quite a lot of people like that.. It is a disgrace that in today's world there are still people who think that being anything other than straight is an illness. I'm bi myself and I've had to keep it from all my family who think its some sort of a disease. When I came out to my friends it felt so good knowing that I was fully accepted. 10 years of marriage is a lot to throw away.. But I agree with others on here. For someone to think that about being bi or gay then the ideology must run quite deep inside him.. Especially today. Is it better to live with a man who you know doesn't accept you, or to be with someone who does.. Someone you never have to doubt.. Don't be upset because you haven't done anything wrong. Keep strong, and keep being you :)
  7. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    Thanks all, I'm trying to be me... He just warned me not to come out at all, because people won't like it, I can't also go to Pride in July.
    Changes are coming, especially that I am really thinking of moving out for other reasons too.. Keep your fingers crossed, there's got to be a way out of this all.
  8. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I actually had a friend that had that opinion. They tried to get me to go to church with them so I could "change my ways" when they found out that I'm bi-sexual. I guess all you can do is be yourself and if your husband loves you then he will accept you for who you are... not who he wants you to be.
  9. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    im probly being offensive my saying this but your husband is a dick head.

    the fact that he thinks sex will cure you is stupid. you did say you're BISEXUAL, not lesbian lol? so you like men and women....doesn't he understand that? he sounds like an idiot lmao. even if u were gay having sex wouldnt cure you. im sure many people have tried :p

    he sounds like some xxx wanker that's been told that if he rapes a lesbian his aids will be cured.

    i hope it somehow works out.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 22, 2011
  10. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Mac, :smile: perfect.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 22, 2011
  11. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    @LongRoad95 no, you don't sound offensive at all, I needed that kick :)
  12. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    my mom thinks the same thing, she thinks that being gay/lesbian/bisexual is a mental illness and that it's not the right way to live...

    I've tried to explain that love has no boundaries, it isn't racist, sexist, homophobic or anything like that, love goes beyond that but she just doesn't understand it which is sad in my opinion...
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Ironically, the Pope also believes homosexuality is a mental illness. Hey the Gay Pride Parade is going to happen next weekend in Toronto. :D
  14. spooky

    spooky Active Member

    People fear what they don't understand. If you don't understand that gays/lesbians/bisexuals/transgenders can have relationships just like heterosexuals then you've got a lot to learn.

    If you have been married for 10 years and are attracted to both men and women there's nothing wrong with that.

    I'm a hetero married woman. Now and then I'll see a man I think is attractive. Does it hurt anyone? No. If I saw a woman I thought was attractive it wouldn't hurt anyone, either. Or being white, if I saw an Asian man I thought was attractive. What would hurt would be if I broke my vow of faithfulness to my husband and had an extra-marital relationship, with another person, regardless of their gender.

    I find that a lot of people base their prejudices on what they were raised with. My mom's family is very prejudiced against blacks. I'm not sure if they really even know why; they are very vocal about it and quite frankly it's embarrassing. I like everyone unless they give me a reason not to, and that's one person, not a whole race/gender/religion/what have you.

    There is no cure for being WHO YOU ARE. That, my friend, is what we should embrace as individuals. If everyone in the world was exactly the same it would be a really boring place.

  15. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    Time for a divorce. If he views bisexuality as some sort of illness that needs to be cured, he needs to catch up with the 21st century. Unless he does this, your relationship will likely fail.
  16. 18 and in trouble

    18 and in trouble Well-Known Member

    Let me just say as a fellow bisexual that I'm glad you came out. I only recently came to terms with my own bisexuality in May and the only family member I've told is my mom. You husband needs to accept you and if he can't then you might want to consider divorce. It's never the first option but better to get out than be in a relationship where your husband belittles you for your orientation.
  17. MLD999

    MLD999 Member


    Apologies if I don't do this right, I'm new today lol, (well yesterday now it's past midnight).

    I'm bisexual. My wife of 8 years knew from the start and she is very open minded. However all of my/our private lives is now going to come tumbling out in a court of law because of some very serious sexual allegations made against me.

    Three weeks ago I took an overdose as everything piled up around me. Whilst the investigation is ongoing I'm no longer allowed to see my wife. My father has also recently died. I wrote a number of suicide notes where I explained that despite my sexuality I was innocent of all the charges. It was more by luck than judgement that I survived. My brother read his note as he came to the car when I rang him so he now knows. He is fully accepting of who I am. But my mother never got to read her note, nor my children or in laws/friends.

    What I do know is that in her despair my wife confided to her brother about my sexuality. He therefore thinks I'm guilty of the serious charges and told her she needs to tell all the family that we are separated, which she has done. My wife is torn between me and her children and we cannot communicate.

    I suppose what I am trying to say is that I have been very very lucky to have a wife who accepts me for who I am, but there can still be issues, especially when I am going to have no control over who finds out about my/our private life in a few months time.