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My Immortal...

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I was over at my girlfriend’s house on the 28th of this month (November 2006), and it hadn’t become official at the time and I had loved her for about a year. I’ve known her for 3 years and I was in 6th grade when I met her. She’s an Atheist and I’m Wiccan, but she grew up with 2 parents, both Mormon, but her mom and her dad got a divorce when she was little and it had a HUGE effect on her life.
So now she lives with an annoying as hell, but cute, little brother and her dad might re-marry and she doesn’t like that idea. She’s upset and I’ve always been there for her. So, anyway, back to the story. I wanted to listen to Evanescence because I had the song ‘Whisper’ stuck in my head and I wanted to get it out. So, we listen to the albums Fallen and The Open Door. When the song ‘My Immortal’ came on, I went into meltdown mode because my best friend I knew since 1st grade to 6th grade, her mom got raped and killed. It was her favorite song. It was OUR song.
And so after my friend went into her room, I ran upstairs and got into the kitchen, grabbing scissors and cut my leg. I was so upset for a few reasons. First, because of the fact that I can never see my friend again. Two, because her dad came into the room, because she switches houses each week, and he asked if anything was wrong, and stuff and I said no, lying through my teeth. Three, while I was rocking back in forth against the wall in the kitchen, my friend sat next to me and patted my head comfortingly.
When she got up to leave so I could be alone, she said the words I never thought she would ever say. “I really do love you, you know.” I looked up at her and she was gone. I tried to reach out for her, but she was gone into the Living Room down stairs. I cried, or tried to because I’ve either taught myself not to cry on accident, or I just stopped unless something really bad happens. Anyway, after that night, I woke up to find a letter in the place I was sleeping and she told me that we needed to talk and she explained why she couldn’t return my feelings. Then she told me that it was because she had denied herself the pleasures of being herself.
Now, after that, she and I are together, but whenever I think about her, I get a pained feeling in my chest or I think that it was only for a second, or it was just a dream and it never happened…. And I can’t even tell her that I love her back… Not out loud…. I feel so terrible….


Well-Known Member
First of all, because of the way you reacted to that song, I would advise you to seek professional help if you have not done it already. Cutting yourself is not normal, not a rational way to deal with strong emotions. Unfortunate things like rape and murder and other things are a part of human life. You can get upset and resist them and let them drive you crazy, or you can accept them as one of the many crazy parts of this wonderful universe.

You should remember that you are lucky to have your friend, to have someone who you can pass and share your time with. Honor it, respect it, treat it with care and remember how precious it really is.

Because you owe each other honesty, I would advise you to tell her how you feel, even though you'll be afraid and she may be afraid, you cannot hide it and expect the relationship to survive.

Just remember that it'll be okay. Repeat this to yourself. You have mastery over your life. You can handle the heavy things. You are a survivor. Humans carry one another through hard times; help her to cope with her family problems, be there to talk about it, and make sure she knows that you are there for her no matter what. And never be ashamed of being sick with depression, don't be ashamed of your suffering, your need for help, your need for love.

*sigh* It was going fine... NOw I'm back into depression mode major... Love sucks... *bangs head on table* What did I do now? We were going fine up until Sunday. When I kissed her, she didn't noticed. What did I do wrong?
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