I'm new to this and not sure where this belongs. I guess i just want to let out what I'm thinking and maybe looking for someone to listen. I am not depressed or really consider my self as suicidal. Although I know in the back of my mind that i will not live past 30. I'm not sure why I have picked out this age, just random, like me sometimes. I see life as meaningless, pointless really..everything we do doesn't matter in my eyes, maybe because nothing lasts..i don't know? I'm not someone who finds it difficult to feel ,but occasionally i find myself feeling distant from people, I find myself intolerant of a lot of people in this world, i don't why, I know they're just people and imperfect but still i feel this repulsion toward them. I know i will never be loved by anyone, well except for my family of course, I get days where I feel detached from the world and have negative thoughts. I get good days but I know that they are just a distraction from the pointlessness of this life. I get days where buying stuff makes me feel better, like being on a high but this doesn't last. I know what you're thinking i assure you I'm not unstable, or have issues, i'm just a normal girl who studies at university and has a mundane life like most. when people meet me they think i'm sweet and friendly and i am but i genuinely feel nothing for them and put on a fake smile. i know what you're thinking but i am capable of emotion, i love my mother and brother very much ,they're important to me. now returning back to the life ending at 30 business, this is just an estimate but i know i will enjoy the rest of my 20's (i hope) but i think at 30 i will realise i don't have much to stick around for. i'm still apprehensive at the moment, i may change my mind but for now it stays. maybe you're thinking i have major personal problems..but i don't. i just have an average life. There are three people other than my immediate family i'm close to, one i go to uni with, two from high school, both pregnant..i have a good time with them but i don't feel any strong emotions for them, i find it hard to feel for others. I am experiencing things now but know i will still feel unfulfilled in a few years. i know its probably selfish to have these thoughts but nevertheless i still have them. I get good days and i get bad days. anyone have any thoughts??