my incoherent thoughts

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by gem77, Apr 25, 2012.

  1. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    I'm new to this and not sure where this belongs. I guess i just want to let out what I'm thinking and maybe looking for someone to listen.

    I am not depressed or really consider my self as suicidal. Although I know in the back of my mind that i will not live past 30. I'm not sure why I have picked out this age, just random, like me sometimes. I see life as meaningless, pointless really..everything we do doesn't matter in my eyes, maybe because nothing lasts..i don't know? I'm not someone who finds it difficult to feel ,but occasionally i find myself feeling distant from people, I find myself intolerant of a lot of people in this world, i don't why, I know they're just people and imperfect but still i feel this repulsion toward them. I know i will never be loved by anyone, well except for my family of course, I get days where I feel detached from the world and have negative thoughts. I get good days but I know that they are just a distraction from the pointlessness of this life. I get days where buying stuff makes me feel better, like being on a high but this doesn't last. I know what you're thinking i assure you I'm not unstable, or have issues, i'm just a normal girl who studies at university and has a mundane life like most. when people meet me they think i'm sweet and friendly and i am but i genuinely feel nothing for them and put on a fake smile. i know what you're thinking but i am capable of emotion, i love my mother and brother very much ,they're important to me. now returning back to the life ending at 30 business, this is just an estimate but i know i will enjoy the rest of my 20's (i hope) but i think at 30 i will realise i don't have much to stick around for. i'm still apprehensive at the moment, i may change my mind but for now it stays. maybe you're thinking i have major personal problems..but i don't. i just have an average life. There are three people other than my immediate family i'm close to, one i go to uni with, two from high school, both pregnant..i have a good time with them but i don't feel any strong emotions for them, i find it hard to feel for others. I am experiencing things now but know i will still feel unfulfilled in a few years. i know its probably selfish to have these thoughts but nevertheless i still have them. I get good days and i get bad days.

    anyone have any thoughts??
     
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi gem - pleased to meet you, thanks for coming here - hope to be able to give some perspective on your situation. Say you woke up tomorrow with a perfectly clean slate of things, with none of this stuff bothering you. Ask yourself this one question (before all the usual stuff returns): What is the one thing I wish I knew concerning life - that if I knew it, would help me out of this pit I feel I'm falling into?

    Corny it sounds, I know, because if you knew the answer to the question, as to what was missing - you wouldn't have written in.

    But, it's meant to be an 'empowering question' - to take you to a deeper level, preparing the mind for insight it hasn't had before.

    I know with me - when I began to get insights about a few things regarding my situation, I got to know myself a lot better (yes, warts and all) - but also started making other discoveries about the meaning of life.

    Anyway, just throwing this out for starters, you can hang onto it if you like, or let it go...... Will be willing to talk about it more if you want of course.
     
  3. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    thanks for responding..i just dont know how to answer right now...