Hi All: Really glad to find this forum, looks like it's a solid forum, true to it's roots. Well, as for my issue, I have so many damn feelings. I'll bipolar and my brain loves the depression side. Taken a lot of meds over the last 7 years and can't escape the darkness outside my door. To the outsider, I have a good life, wife who loves me, a good job, I help others a lot and I'm a major animal lover. The thing is I don't seem to feel anything but sadness, anger, self hate, and hopelessness. I still self harm to kill the emotions, even temporarily; and the damn suicidal thoughts flood me. I've hurt myself sense, geez, must be since 7 or 8 years old. I tried to hang myself before as a young teen, but screwed that up (obviously, duh...). Of course I fear it, but the real reason I don't do it, despite almost obsessing over it, it that I would hurt the people I love and who love me. I'd be a selfish bastard for that. I don't know what I'm saying. I just hurt and want it to go away, and I can't even run from it. I'll continue to read the post in this site, if anything, it reaffirms to me tonight, that there's a lot of pain here.