my intro too

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ms1972, Sep 28, 2011.

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  1. ms1972

    ms1972 New Member

    Hi All:

    Really glad to find this forum, looks like it's a solid forum, true to it's roots.

    Well, as for my issue, I have so many damn feelings. I'll bipolar and my brain loves the depression side. Taken a lot of meds over the last 7 years and can't escape the darkness outside my door. To the outsider, I have a good life, wife who loves me, a good job, I help others a lot and I'm a major animal lover. The thing is I don't seem to feel anything but sadness, anger, self hate, and hopelessness. I still self harm to kill the emotions, even temporarily; and the damn suicidal thoughts flood me. I've hurt myself sense, geez, must be since 7 or 8 years old. I tried to hang myself before as a young teen, but screwed that up (obviously, duh...). Of course I fear it, but the real reason I don't do it, despite almost obsessing over it, it that I would hurt the people I love and who love me. I'd be a selfish bastard for that. I don't know what I'm saying. I just hurt and want it to go away, and I can't even run from it.

    I'll continue to read the post in this site, if anything, it reaffirms to me tonight, that there's a lot of pain here.
  2. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome. :smile:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun hope you continue to reach out hun hugs to you
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome. I'm glad you found this forum too.
  5. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    MS1972 welcome to SF's... hope your pain lessens and that you get some good times soon.. you sound like you care about the other guy a lot now if you can return the favor for yourself . best wishes always.. tc, Jim
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums!! I hope we can help drag out the positive side of you..I'm not bipolar but know alot of people who are.. I can see what the downside is like for you..Take Care!!
  7. Sgm72

    Sgm72 Member

    Hi all need to talk to someone I've got so much bottled up inside I feel like exploding,I'm a 39 year old male from n.w England and I'm struggling to make sense of my life I have a 7 year old daughter from my previous partner and so far I can my daughter is the only reason why I'm still here I've many problems that in time will let out but today I got a phone call that I have lost my job I've 2-3 weeks notice and this is pushing me closer and closer to not wanting to be here
  8. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Sgm72. Welcome. I'm really sorry to hear that you lost your job. I hope you get the opportunity to let out what you want to let out today. You're welcome to PM me or some others around here, but probably better to PM others since I'm in my late teens. Take care, and thanks for sharing your thoughts....Alex
  9. Sgm72

    Sgm72 Member

    Well I've been trying to get everything in my head sorted but Im not coping very well,job wise is a disaster,I see my daughter less and less,OCD been the best dad I could possibly be but my daughters mum has remarries and now there a perfect family in which I see my daughter for a few hours every 4-6 weeks,apart from 2 short friendships I've been pretty much single for 5 years,and being in my own company every single day is tearing my hair out I don't want it to be just me week in week out,funny thing it to people on the outside I seem normal but and the instead I'm ready to explode,only thing to look forward to is I'm on holiday in 2 weeks scraped together going abroad on my own for the 5 yr running I'm trying to convince myself that it's the perfect time to end it.ive no one to interfere
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun you daughter hun is 7 she will always need her real dad her dad that is special to her and her alone. Please hun your depression get some help now okay Losing a job feeling isolated Reach out and get some support. Have you tried meeting other people go take a class that interest you just for fun of it to meet people with same interest take a sport join a gym ok Don't ever think of leaving your daughter hun it will only leave a sadness so deep within her i know that sadness please hun YOu deserve some support please talk to your doctor ok hugs
  11. Sgm72

    Sgm72 Member

    Funny thing Is I'm shocked how long it is since I last wrote on here ,I know it's not my daughter ls fault but her new dad also has the same first bane as me so when she talks to me as Ste and then address the other one as her dad it really does rip me up,and know I've never reacted to it like I said she's only 7,as for groups I'm a/was a very keen martial artist for many years and my beliefs of martial arts had proberly kept me going to this point,but even now I look back in realising I've not step foot in the dojo for 8 months
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps ask you daughter to call you dad too hun and maybe it is time to get back into martial arts or something new that will bring some interest to you meet new people hun
    I think you daughter should call you dad and the other man step dad hugs
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