Hello.... even typing that word seems so false. I do not want to say hello. I do not want anything at the moment but to die. I am a coward ... I fear the pain but I envy those who are not here any longer. My life is a total mess. I have nothing. I spend every day alone. No friends, no one. My mum died a few months back. I have brothers and a sister but they are seperate from me. I could scream but no one will hear. I drink to drown out pain. Its last a few hours then the heavy empty feeling returns. I have ruined my life with bad choice after bad choice. I sit here with 8 pounds to my name. This is to last me the next 2 weeks. Its so bad it would be funny in a different world. I am less than zero. I know the process of opening the parts of my body that will bring nothingness but fear so far has held me back. I hope to overcome that fear and embrace nothingness. This is my introduction. thanks for reading. D.