My introduction: Hi! I'm Mike

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by 12barblues, Dec 16, 2007.

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  1. 12barblues

    12barblues Member

    Hi anybody/everybody,
    I guess I, like most of you, hate that i find myself here. This is the first suicide survivor related site that i found, that didn't want $$ from me. I hope that it is serendipitous.
    Like i said, my name is mike, i'm single and 41 and my older brother of 4 years killed himself on April 20 of this year. He left behind a widow, a beautiful2 year old innocent little girl and an 8 year old boy who turned 9 two days later and is in a world of hurt as we all are. Also left behind was a wake of grief, guilt, and confusion.
    I trudge along through my days and successfully compartmentalize the whole gruesome incident, but it's never far from my thoughts. The nightmares have gotten less and the frequent/constant crying has subsided but, there is still that hole in my heart. A piece of my heart is missing, excised forever, a scar left to heal as it slowly and painfully scabs over. If I itch it the wrong way or scratch it w/out thinking it opens right back up because it has not healed and is still so sensitive.
    My friends try to understand. Some are good . Some say stupid things (I don't mind, it's not malicious). Some have disappeared(???). I feel no one knows what I'm going through and at times I'm not sure either.
    Yes, I've been in therapy. But, it seems too repititious. Like how much do i have to talk about this. It's happened. It's done. There are questions I will never have answers to. My Big Brother has left.

    And I miss him.

    I don't know if this is how this is supposed to work but, here's my start, my introduction. I guess i need to find a place to express this stuff. Thanks for listening. Mike
     
  2. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Mike,
    I'm sorry to hear of what happened to your brother and all the pain you and your family must be going through right now. You are welcome to stay here. There are also others here that have lost loved ones to suicide. I'm looking forward to seeing you around the forum. If you'd ever like to talk, or if you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me anytime or add my MSN and Yahoo and Skype contacts (if you have any of those messengers and you'd like to add me, feel free).

    By the way, Welcome to the forum!!!!!


    Take care, Hun. :hug:
     
  3. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    Hi Mike,welcome, i've been through something similar to you,my brother(5yrs older)committed suicide and left behind three young sons,8,5,3....it's been very difficult trying to work it all through...i wonder sometimes if i ever will,the grief is not so bad these days and it has lessened over time,i still miss him very much though...feel free to pm me anytime.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hi mike, sorry to hear your sad story. welcome to the forum, take care x
     
  5. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF mike, there are places here you can express yourself, hope you find what you need here
     
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hey and welcome to SF :hug:
     
  7. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :smile:

    I hope it helps to be able to post any thoughts and feelings here.

    Take care and stay strong
    :hug:

    PS I love your username :unsure:
     
  8. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. I`m very sorry for your loss. there`s a special seccion for those who`ve lost someone, i think you might find it usefull. I hope you find the support you`re looking for here. Best wishes.:)
     
  9. Raven

    Raven Guest

    Welcome to the forums, where all here to help antime you need, its hard to loose someone that is close to you and faimly is always the hardest to loose. Where here for ya.

    ~Raven
     
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF Mike. Losing someone you love to suicide is never easy. There are so many unanswered questions. Often times these questions carry with them a sense of guilt and feelings of helplessness. I am glad you chose to reach out to us and share your story. i am sorry for all those left behind. I feel for his children that will carry this with them the rest of their lives. They will need extra love and reassurances. Support each other the best you can. A good support system is a must for all involved. Don't be afraid to ask for help if it is needed. Friends may need help in understanding what you feel, even while you are unsure yourself. You and your family will be in my thoughts throughout this holiday season. Please take care of yourselves and each other. :hug:
     
  11. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum Mike. I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you here, but now that you've found us I'm sure you'll find a lot of friends and support here. Don't hesitate to post your feelings, that's what we're here for - to listen and offer support and love and friendship.

    least
     
  12. 12barblues

    12barblues Member

    Wow! I'm overwhelmed with all the kind/caring reponses. I thank you all.

    Please understand if I don't answer each one of you personally right now. It would say the same to each of you, thanks for responding and making me feel less alone, I'm sorry for your losses and grief as well, I hope to continue contact as I navigate through this forum and my feelings both.

    After looking further through the forum I think I will try to go into the "loved and lost" thread. It seems the more appropriate. (?) I'm not sure? I certainly can't imagine a better reponse to my intro but I will try to branch out to what seems like a more specific topic about losing family. I'll try to keep up with both threads. Especially as holidays get closer. That scares me and fills me w/ anxiety.

    Maybe i will see some of ya'll in there.

    Thanks again for such a warm welcome! mike
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 17, 2007
  13. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum
     
  14. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    :welcome: to SF
     
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