My introduction.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Justastranger, Sep 18, 2011.

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  1. Justastranger

    Justastranger New Member

    My name is Stephanie, I'm 16 years old and currently living in Australia.*
    Here's a basic outline of my life (I wish to not be discriminated against based on my sexuality, race, religious views, etc):
    I was born to Christian parents in Australia nearly 17 years ago. As a child, I attended a catholic/christian school, which I hated because I had grown up very socially isolated and I was not able to make a friend. People viewed me as a 'waste of good food'. While there, I was shunned upon, neglected, but never physically abused. In Year 5, I had gained a pattern of self loathing and negative thinking. I was questioning my sexuality, as I had always been a crossdresser and I had always been attracted to the same sex. I came to the conclusion that I was a homosexual. Being a generally open person, I was very open about my sexuality. This lead to people making fun of me for being homosexual. As this continued, I gained a hatred for humanity and practically life. I hated myself, and my existance. This lead to my Misanthropy. In Year 7, my depression worsened, and my parents took me to a doctor. I was diagnosed with Major Depression.*
    Now, 4 years later, nothing has changed, and I am contemplating suicide. I am currently taking no medication for my depression, insomnia or social anxiety, due to an occurrence a few months ago where I (I'm not sure if it was accidental or not. I was under the effects of many drugs at the time and had limited control of my actions) xxxxx*
    I have no siblings, no cousins, no pets and no uncles or grandfathers. I have never had a bestfriend, or even somebody I could talk to for fun once a week.
    I've never been in a relationship, nor do I really want to be in one, which is why I consider myself currently a Asexual/Homosexual. Apart from that, I am a transgender and a dedicated Athiest.*
    I often hallucinate because of my depression and lack of sleep (I'm currently suffering from Insomnia)*and the things I see can sometimes really scare me.
    I am afraid of spiders, to the point of me having a panic attack if one comes within 2-3 metres of my presence. I am also afraid of looking at myself in the mirror, as all I see is a pathetic, weak excuse for a human.
    I plan on dropping out of school on October 21st, the day I turn 17 and can legally leave school. My father is a painter and carpenter who runs his own business; I plan on joining him.
    But right now, I'm tired of living. Every day, I have to goto school and recieve ridicule where ever I go. On weekends, I sit in my bedroom, alone, in the dark, playing on my Xbox.
    I hate humanity and what it has done to me and my life. I am also a sado-masochist, which stems from my Misanthropy.
    Nevertheless, I hope I can get some help here and get to know some of you really well.
    Thanks in advance.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and is understandable with all you have been through that you do not want to go to the past, I also had a deep aversion to looking into the mirror...I always hated what I saw...I hope you continue posting and letting us know how you are doing, and best of luck working with your father...welcome again, J
  3. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Hello and welcome at SF,
    I hope sharing here will help you feeling a bit better. :)
  4. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Welcome Stephanie to SF.. got some things in common with you that i do not have the guts to admit yet.. thanks for letting us inside so much of your life here.. if your lack of sleep continues think it would be advised to talk to your doc and get a bit of meds to get yourself some sleep finally.

    glad to have you aboard now. take care, Jim
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun welcome to SF know you can pm me anytime okay if you just need someone to talk to hugs
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome, Stephanie. It irks me that you were mistreated for being openly homosexual. Discrimination isn't allowed here, so I hope you will be able to feel comfortable around the forums. Take care...Alex
  7. Justastranger

    Justastranger New Member

    Thank you very much for the kind words - I do hope I can meet some people on here I can relate too.
    Thanks again.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Stephanie,, Welcome to the forums..You don't have to feel like your being judged here..This is a pretty good family we have here..Feel free to PM any of us.. We will talk to you..
  9. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    hey stephanie, welcome to sf :)

    I can relate quite a bit to ur post. im gay, 16, live in Aus. I have complicated anxieties related to intimacy and general openness/socializing with others. I also have a strange type of Misanthropy/pyschosis with a mix of possible low spectrum austism. My mental state can be pretty bloody hard to explain so I dont usually say wat its like because i end up going off track onto some random crap.

    hope u get wat u need by coming here, and see u around.
  10. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Hello Stephanie. I think we have gone through a lot of the same things. Keep strong, you don't have much further to go!
  11. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    hello Stephanie,

    i hope we can all be of help here
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