My Island of Thoughts

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sa Palomera, Mar 9, 2007.

  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Today I didn't go to work, again, because of several reasons. Instead I decided to take a nice long, warm, eucalyptus bath, with bubbles and streams.

    I made it really comfortable, put on some Yin & Yang and Feng Shui CDs really loud and just sank into my own little Island of Thoughts. Really inspiring and peaceful.

    As I was laying there, floating in my sea of thoughts, quietly flowing to the peaceful sounds of Feng Shui and Yin & Yang on the background, my mind came to peace. Peace with what the people think of me, peace with my family situation, peace with the death of my beloved ones, peace with my life. Everything was so quiet and peaceful. It felt as if I arrived at the Island. I've never experienced this before. It was so beautiful. I've never seen something so beautiful, wonderful and most of all PEACEFUL.
    I felt so much love. I transferred that into some textmessages which I sent out to some friends and even people who used to be friends. I knew those text messages would never be able to make up for everything I did wrong, but still... At least I told them I care and that I love 'em.
    I came to such beautiful realisations while I was floating around my Island.
    I can't even start to describe the realisations I came to. Half of them don't even matter and seem so small, probably irrelevant details to others, but to me... Important as hell.

    It's my destiny. It really is. That's one of the things I came to realize. It's my destiny and I'm at peace with everything, that's the odd thing. Everything is okay now. Everything is meant to be.

    There are 2 people who have told me (be it in a harsh way or not) that I fuck with peoples' minds and that I'm a manipulative bitch. And they are right. I'm n saying I ever hurt anyone on purpose, cos people who know me well should know that it breaks me whenever people are hurt, especially emotionally. I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm not even going to come up with excuses or explanations this time. I've hurt people. Point. I'm not even going to say sorry for that anymore, as the ones who have been hurt KNOW that I'm sorry, and I don't need anyone who doesn't know a single bit of the whole situation to tell me it's common knowledge that I fuck with peoples' minds.

    What does scare me a bit though is how it is possible... that if it's really common knowledge, then why do people still try to be friends with me? Heck I got messages saying I'm a manipulative bitch and also that it's common knowledge that I fuck with peoples' minds. Then why do I also get messages like:
    'I love you, unconditionally! There's nothing u can do to change that & there's nothing required of u to ever prove that you deserve my love. () hurt yourself, hurt others, kill others, rape ur best friend before giving her drugs and pushing her off a bridge, I'll still love you'
    and
    'u've got to be one of the sweetest ppl I've ever come across. I dont know what I did to make you believe those things about me, if believing that makes you feel better, than by all means continue, but I am just stumped as to why u'd think I'm even half of those things. Thank u so much for saying it anyway. Much love. xxx'

    I guess it's all a matter of opinion. I know I have so much love to give to people, but I also know that there's something like an overkill and apparently I can't give love to people without them interpretating it in a different way or without confusing them or without hurting them.
    Whether I interpretate something wrong, or get confused or am hurt does not matter; I'm at peace at my Island of Thoughts.

    I arrived at my Island of Thoughts and I know "the Island" will be just like this. I can feel it. Eventually I'm heading to the Island, as we all are. We just don't know when. Some found the road there earlier than others, some too early and some too late, after having a bumpy road of suffering from ilnesses and pain, as well emotionally as physically. All I know is that my Island of Thoughts will do for me for now.

    What also was quite strange was that I felt a certain connection to my Mother and my Best Friend, while I was floating around my Island of Thoughts. I couldn't see them, but I could feel them. I could feel them being both proud and disappointed in me. One day I'll meet them, and everything will be alright then.

    I can't remember why I started writing this post, I guess I just wanted to share these feelings and thoughts with all of you. As some last favour. Don't worry I'm not going to the Island. If I'm heading for any Island now, it'd be the Island of Thoughts. Yes, one day I will head for the final Island, and I can't say or know when that will be, but the day is coming closer. Whether that be tomorrow or in 14 years, who knows? I don't. I guess nobody can and will ever know when people will head there. And say you COULD know, would you WANT to know. I don't know.

    I'm going to float some more on the Island of Thoughts, enjoying the peace and beauty of it.

    I hope y'all are safe and at peace.

    Ester x
     
  2. Beautiful post, Ester.

    Oh, the island will be magnificent in abundant beauty. I can see the crystal-sparkled glittery surface of the ocean's crisp, clean water. I can see the waves flowing gently and feel the light breeze of the wind flowing through my hair as I stand along the shore looking around me at all the beauty. I stand steadily, without tripping over myself, no need anymore for a cane to help balance me. I even can turn around swiftly, without a break in balance, without a single misstep causing me to sway off course. Breathing in the crisp, clean air, sky without a hint of pollution, as I inhale and exhale without any shallowness and without any hesitation in breathing, my respiratory system allowing me to freely take in the abundance of pure oxygen. Turning around and around without dizziness, looking around, being amazed by the beauty which surrounds me, seeing as everything is as it should be, I take the next step, without falter, only precise steps, still intaking the oxygen flowing throughout my body, providing for every organ and gland.

    I then step forth, whilst looking forward, seeing ahead from beyond the horizon, a majestic white horse, gallantly approaching me. Riding on it, is a very stunningly beautiful angelic-looking young woman. She is my true unlikely heroine, there to offer me the island, away from the horrid evilness of the world. I graciously accept her offer of the island, as well as her offer of marriage, which leads to us swiftly riding away from the beach through the countryside fields of the island. Seeing the breeze gently flowing through the grass and trees, as though the environment was waving at us, as the horse rides on, without stop, taking us to our destination.

    The horse then briefly stops when we arrive at the edge on a plateau of a hill. Looking down, toward into a valley, I see our destination. A very charming village. Medieval/Renaissance - like, the kind of familiarity to me of what I envision my favorite place to be. The horse, then slowly rides along, down a slope, toward the village. Once there, crowds of people gathered along the streets, graciously welcome our arrival, all with genuine smiles on their faces, their eyes, showing a sense of true joy that we are there amongst them.

    Approaching us, is an old, wise wizard, to tell us that preparations have been made for the wedding between myself and my soon-to-be wife. The wedding, to take place in a magnificent castle, surrounded by crisp, clean lakes and waterfalls, falling from overhead cliffs. This castle, to be our home, forever, on the island.

    The wedding, the reception, and the night into morning, all beautiful. The joy and peace of my life, beginning from my exit from this world, eternal, will forever be divine.
     
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    that post made tears come into my eyes, Kurt. :hug:

    I like how we share our views on the Island.

    Both you and I are not ready to go there though :smile: I think it'd do you good if you'd find something like your own Island of Thoughts as well, just like i found mine today. :hug:

    Eventually we will all head to the Island. And we shouldn't be afraid of it. But we definitely shouldn't head there yet. Our time isn't there yet.

    Thank you for that poetic post, Kurt. :cheekkiss :hug:
     
  4. Seems like I'll be there soon.
     
  5. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :cry: :hug: :hug:
     
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I once told you something, Kurt, and that still goes.
    Please talk to us. Tell us what happened to make you want to go to the Island so soon.
    :hug:
     
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I agree.. talk to us, we are here hun.. :hug: :cheekkiss
     
  8. I am almost there. Not much longer for me.