My Island

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sa Palomera, Jan 5, 2009.

  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Yeah. I dont even know what to say here. I've been drinking more lately. Not during the weekdays, I still have at least THAT bit of strength to keep myself from getting drunk during work nights, cos I can't afford losing my job.
    I've got two weeks of holidays coming up in two weeks though, and I'm afraid I'm gonna totally lose control then. I am gonna hit Amsterdam a few times, those are my plans, and if I have to I'll go there by myself. Though I'd rather go with someone and get shitfaced together.
    I wish I could go there with *. I miss her. A lot.

    Bah, I'm so not making my mother proud the way i'm being lately. I'm really aggressive, to the point of violence even. I actually kicked Mads the other day. And that says a lot. Everyone who knows me, knows how bad it is when I even do that. i've never EVER done that since I have her and she's my baby. but I kicked her. And it wasn't a gentle kick. She actually kinda flew to the other side of the hallway :sad:
    Of course I felt even more shit after wards, so I hit the wall. And now my bones in my hand hurt. Though I think that's more because of the cold. I hope it is. Or maybe I don't. I don't know.

    Oh and I guess my mother would be even more proud of me (not!), for burning myself for the first time in.. er.. over 6 months I guess. :rolleyes:
    Oh yes I'm on such a good roll.

    I feel like 2007 all over again. Like.. The period between May and July.
    When I went crazy.
    Argh whatever. Fuck this. I'm so angry at everything, it hurts.
  2. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    sorry you feel so bad at the moment Akasha
    i go through really angry periods too. pm me if you need to talk,

    Lea :cheekkiss:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    What has changed for you to get you back to this place Ester? You have come a long way since then and I harte to see you fall back to it. My PM box is still open to you if you need it. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I don't know what happened to make me slide back down to this behaviour.
    All I know is that I feel I don't fit in anymore. I feel like an outcast wherever I go. At work, on the forums I go to, around my family, even at home! :sad:

    I don't know what's goig on. I just feel so damn angry and sad and lonely.
  5. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    you know what....

    FUCK yOU!
  6. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Hey darlin!

    Sucks that you're feeling so shitty - I bet its cause we haven't spoken need a god injection of 'Aussie' to keep you going? hehe!

    But in all seriousness, maybe it's just the whole christmas period that's getting you down? I know that the time for giving, sharing etc gets a lot of people down. It's a new year...2009...a new chapter in your ever so beautiful story and a chance to make this one the best yet!

    I don't even know what other advice to give...well I do but it would take you hours to read and there would probably be no benefit. What I will say is that you are one of the strongest and most caring people I have been lucky enough to meet through this horrible ride depression has taken us both on. There is a brighter day on the horizon and for someone like you, surely that day will come sooner rather than later.

    Hang in there mate! You're so much better than what this illness is making you out to be!

    PS Email me at work or msg me if you need to chat :smile:

    Love Shauna xo