A couple of months ago, when I was in the middle of a breakdown, I got my exacto knife. The next day was when I started cutting myself. As of now, the underside of my left arm is covered in light scaring. Honestly, I'm starting to understand what people are saying when they talk about cutting being addictive. Honestly, it doesn't hurt anymore and even though I'm calm, there's an urge to cut now. I'm only ignoring it because I'm looking for work and fresh cuts look bad on an interview. However, I was digging through my purse today, looking for something and.... I came across that knife. The one I used to put (almost) all those scars on my arm. So.... what do I do with it? Part of me thinks throwing it away would be the best option simply because I won't be tempted when I'm calm like right now. However, when I do get stressed, I'm worried that if I can't cut myself, I may do something else.... something lethal. I've made multiple suicide attempts and all it takes is a bottle of pills; What if overwhelming stress hits me and I could relieve it by cutting but I don't have my knife and, instead, I do commit suicide? My feelings are so convulted here.