My last attempt.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Miu, Mar 7, 2011.

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  1. Miu

    Miu Well-Known Member

    I remember my last attempt like it was yesterday.

    I'd been out with friends and we were drinking heaps of alcohol, I already knew that I was gonna hurt myself later that night, but got way out of hand. I am a self harmer, and before I stopped drinking alcohol I often used to have "dates" with my blade after a night out.

    Anyway, I remembering everything being fuzzy and becoming dizzy and I lost my eyesight and run straight in to a wall. I woke up four hours after and almost couldn't move. I called my mom and got the help I needed.

    I was very decided that I was gonna do it for real, but since then I met a boy (yeah, I know, very stereotypical) and he saved me. But lately things are getting so hard again, and me and this boy are just fighting all the time (we're not together, but best friends.) It just feels like my mental illnesses mess up everything good I have around me. I hope I can get out of this dark cloud which is surrounding my head.

    Does anyone have any tips on how to get back the will to live? 'Cause honestly I can't remember last time I had it.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    going in to see your doctor get on different meds go for therapy Talking here helps learning to skills to cope to be kind to you not to harm you h ugs
  3. Miu

    Miu Well-Known Member

    I'm already in therapy and on meds, nothing of that stuff helps. And I've been self harming for 8 years, I see no way out of this mess. I'm highly addicted, and trying to quit for the summer, but yet there is a huge part of me who wants to keep harming. It's such a familiar feeling. I haven't cut for about one and a half month now, but it's been H A R D!
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I was told by one of the docs who assessed me once (he also told me to get a pet, so don't know how much I would listen to him) that if after 90days you haven't done it you lose that addictive side of it and you wont get the urges as often to do it.

    You have done really well not to have done it in 6 weeks.

    Keep up the good work
  5. Miu

    Miu Well-Known Member

    Thank you! :)
    Forgive me, but that is bulls**t. The longest I went without self harming were over a year, and I still had to fight it, and finally I relapsed and cut like never before. I truly believe there is no way out of this.. :( sorry for seeming so negative, I just have lost hope.
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I agree with you. I am just saying what a doc told me. Something to do with receptors in the brain. It's like an old friend who won't let you down. I have been months without self harming in the typical sense but you know it's always there and that you will always get that rush of endorphins to help you through.

    I keep getting told different things by different people. One nurse told me to SH more often so that I wasn't having the massive wounds each time I did. I didn't take him up on that. His logic was that if I wasn't building it up all the time it wouldn't be so bad each time.

    My Pdoc wanted me to throw away my needles. I said I couldn't as I knew I would go back to cutting more often. At the moment I probably harm about 6 or so times a week by letting. If I were to throw them away I know I would start cutting more. As it is by using another method I am ensuring that I don't cut. It seems to work for me. But they seem a whole lot more worried about this method than cutting which I don't understand.

    One doc told me to get a pet! I just kept quiet and let him go on about it. Let him have his little say in the whole assessment thing.

    Have you seen a doc recently or done any therapy of sorts?

  7. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    I've never been a habitual self-harmer, although they threw the Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis on me when I was in the hospital and deliberately hurt my arm in order to show the staff how much I disapproved of them.

    Anyway, after a little Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, I learned alternatives. For instance, digging your nails into your skin as hard as you can without breaking the skin, or gripping an ice cube. Both methods are distracting, and for me, they help when I feel pain strong enough to make me have to distract myself from it.
  8. Miu

    Miu Well-Known Member

    I don't think a anyone (not even a doctor) can talk to loud about self harm if they haven't been through it themselves. And that just makes me feel more alone really.
    I'm getting a pet soon btw, I feel like I could do better if I have someone to take care of! :)

    If someone is craving hard enough it's gonna be impossible to control the nails digging into your skin. But I usually distract by phoning a friend or just keeping myself busy and constantly reminding myself why I'm trying to quit this.
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