My Last Christmas

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by HappyAZaClaM, Dec 24, 2008.

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  1. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    this will not be a "nobody cares" rant. I know a lot of people care.
    there is simply nothing anyone can do to help
  2. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hi, it could be my last Christmas too. Either way, we're still alive today. Merry Christmas to everyone!
  3. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    Merry Chrismas to you too levitated :)

    yep. alive today. gotta put on the game face tomorrow too.
    my dear old 84 year old mum has had nothing but a shit life since she
    married my psychotic dad. luckily, his ass is cremated and scattered.

    mostly, I hate my younger brother and my younger sister. they are twins.
    I wish my idiot dad had used a fuckin condom for once in his useless fucking life. but NO. here the muterhfuckers are.

    and my mom gets to spend the last days of her life listenng to their
    shit constantly because she is too nice to tell them to get out
    and never come back. they don't live with us, but ya'd think they
    own the fucking place.

    I hate their fucking guts. I swear to Christ I hate every molecule in
    their wretched little bodies.

    they aint got no plans to check out of this veil of shit. so it seems it's
    up to me. can't take ANY MORE of their shit.

    I'm about one snotty comment away from beating them both into a
    free chopper ride which would mean the big house for me. so, may as well
    turn in my key and check the fuck out myself.

    I wonder if I stasrted screwing crack whores in the sleazy part of town
    how long it would take for AIDS to do it's magic. prolly too long.

    that'll prolly get edited. "methods" comment is not an affront
    against women. but there ARE crack whores, just like there are street mimes.
    facts of life. reality. not all women are whores, but I've always liked whores
    anyway, so I don't see what's so mean about the word. it's better than "slut"
    "slut" is judgmental and anal retentive and prissy and only douchebags use
    the word.

    but crack whores are just doin theior thing. I got nuthin against em.
    I thought it might be a good way to accidenatally check out of this veil
    of horse vomit. some people like 'veil of tears' but that's a little
    nauseating for a worldly guy like me. tears.....pffft.......
    more like relief.

    I've seen it all, done it all. would spend my 50's and if mom lived long
    enough my 60's taking care of her. but not with the spawns of satan in my
    life. miserable bastards.

    I hope to GOD they both get what's comin to em some day. I'm glad
    it doesn't have to me me who delivers their karmic candygram

    fuckin scumbags.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS! eat drink and be merry :biggrin:
  4. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hi HappyAZaClaM,

    Thanks.. don't say that you hate them.. you could just withdraw from need to hate. Since they don't know better, there's no reason to hate them. But since you don't know better how to deal with it, that's why you're depressed.

    The world is a sick place..and you wanna leave peacefully, not holding any hatred in you, because when you leave filled with hatred or negativity, it's harder to cross over to the light.. so you might get stucked as a ghost on earth.. you hear me?
  5. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    I can NOT withdraw from them. THAT is der point :biggrin:

    I'm already in my fucking house, and my Mom is here too. it would
    break her heart if I told them to fuck off and never come back. they
    think they own the god damn place and are so FUCKING stupid as
    sacks of pig shit they don't know my mom is frail and in the last years
    possibly months of her life.

    I fuckin hate em. wish the fuck they were dead. sorry....they won't
    go away and they won't quit being shitbrains. I can't take it anymore.

    any luck, I'll get so stressed, I'll have a heart attack and drop on my face and be done with it. seems like a decent enough way to get the fuck out
    of here.

    to be redundant, I wish they would both douse themselves with gasoline
    and set each other on fire. I shall not hold my breath
  6. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    hi. me again. no, I just wanna LEAVE. amd sorry, no disrespect meant.
    but I don't believe in mumbo jumbo, so maybe it won't count for me.

    though...if I was a ghost...could I torment the FUCKING living merciless
    HELL out of my scumbag brother and sister? that has some appeal.
    I may think on that one.

    I trust your superior knowledge. I don't believe in ghosts. don't mean I aint
    wrong. don't mean they don't exsist.
  7. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Lol, not superior knowledge, it's only some pieces of the puzzle I put together.. is not the whole truth..

    You see, we're meant to learn and eventually be as high a consciousness like Jesus. People who leave this place..often choose to come back again (to learn) - by reincarnation. I tell you one thing.. spirits are real and the spirit world is real.. you need to understand this. You are a spirit, stuck in a human body.
  8. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    spirit stuck in a bag of aging flesh ay? well, I think I missed the boat this
    time round. nothing to live for. don't know shit. don't care. fuck everything.
    too late to give a bloody rat fuck in hell.

    maybe I'll get it right next time. then what? are you saying we have to
    exsist in some concious form or another for eternity? maybe. no way to know.
    I'm willing to gamble.

    I'll see yer reincarnation and spirits and bloody well never getting the fuck
    out of this shithole and raise ya pushin up bloody daisies and feedin
    the bleedin worms mate :smile:

    my way sounds happier. I don't wanna do this fuckin shit ever agin.
    in your beliefs, do we have a choice? can ya say "that's it. fuck it."
    and throw in the towel and just go be molecules in space and mind our
    own bloody bizness for a change? or is it learn learn learn till we become
    like Jesus.?

    again, no offense but what is the BLOODY point of doing THAT?
  9. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    The point is to merge with the source, to know, feel, and experience the highest level of knowledge, the highest level of spirituality, the highest level of wisdom, love, peace, no drugs can reproduce the feeling of it.

    The point is to know, to know our true selves. To know how the universe works, to understand..and to stop being violent
  10. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    You have a choice whether or not to come back.. but most likely you will choose to come back.. because we learn the most here on earth. You'll get your recovery period on the otherside..where you'll receive infinate love.
  11. downmage

    downmage Well-Known Member

    I don't want to learn anymore..and I sure dont' wanna come back here. I too believe in God or Source..and I would just like to leave here and not come back..but I just dont' know what to do.
  12. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    with ya on that. I don't don't know if I believe in God or not. what's the
    bloody difference? I've had enough of this horseshit and sure the fuck
    don't EVER wanna do it again.

    no disrespect to levitated, but bollocks. I gotta wonder just what the bloody
    hell it is we're suppposed to learn. that people are a bunch of fuckin assholes
    and life sucks rancid yak piss? i sussed that out already.

    I'm ready to be a cosmic and all wise all knowing oracle. my cosmic
    purpose will be to tell people to stop fucking in case they don't know that
    that's where all the extra fucking people are coming from.

    except.....I'm only joking. the stupid bastards wouldn't listen. fuck em all
  13. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    deleted post
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2008
  14. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    besides all this being one with God stuff aint gonna help me. I appreicate
    your concern. I need to learn to quit making threads. I'm depressed as hell
    and I am literally between a rock and another bloody rock. I can NOT win.

    did you READ anything I siad about my ASSHOLE family of oriigin?
  15. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    well, this thread has been about as much use as tits on a boy. I knew it.
    I was right all along. maybe I'll die in my sleep. back to the botttle. it's always
    been a good friend. time to get reaquianed. alright then. cheers y'all.
    merry christmas. I doubt mine will be. but, a miracle could happen.
    time will tell. presently, my idea to give up life seems sound and I am more
    strenghthened in my resolve.thanks. not being sarcastic. if all I'm gonna get
    is cosmic muffin-ism, I am convinced this world is not the place for me.
    and levitated said I didn't have to come back. so once I'm gone, I aint comin
    back. not that I believe all that stuff in the first place.
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Don't leave:sad: We need you here Bill. You're part of our :loopy: family now. Merry christmas :santa:
  17. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    thanks for the kind words sweetie. and merry christmas to you. it's not
    a question of leaving the forum. I will miss everyone here too. well, not really

    I mean I will, but not for long. new years eve is probably going to be
    my last day. alive I mean. not on the forum.

    anyway, take care. thasnks
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Bill..I hope you reconsider. What has triggered this? :hug:
  19. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    my brother and my sister are assholes. I hate them. I wish they were dead.
    but they are not. I cannot be seperated from them unless I abandon my
    Mom. well, I will be abandoning her. but I won't feel bad about it anymore.
    or anything else either.
  20. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I know the feeling hun...I DESPISE my brother.

    Well, I'm sure abandoning your mom is out of the question. know what they say, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.Have you tried telling them you dislike their behaviour, they way they treat ye etc... Talk to them, if they turn a blind eye, just carry on and ignore them. Easier said than done of course, but I'm sure your mom needs you :arms: I hope you feel better soon clam :)
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