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My last cry for help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ihatemyselfalot, Jul 25, 2010.

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  1. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    I really want to die, I really don't want to be here any more.

    I don't know what to write, I am sick of writing it out and it goes through my head too much I feel like I'm going to explode.

    I think I'm going to do it next week.

    I have been crying out for help for about 7 months now, but no help, this is my last try, if not I'm through with this shit.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiya, welcome.

    I've been where you are right now and please believe me when I say your feelings may be temporary or long lasting but you can get through them.

    what kind of help have you tried? :hug:
  3. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    I have been to see three different therapists.

    And I have been on meds.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Have you seen a psychiatrist? They're usually the ones who deal with this sort of thing, you may have been on the wrong meds, meds work like trial and error. Go back and explain your meds didn't help, they'll change them,if they don't , see another :hug Doctors opinions vary :)
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    And... why do you hate yourself a lot? :(
  6. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    I cant afford anything at the moment
    My bad job and situation is one of the reasons I'm like this right now.

    I just do hate myself.

    However, I'm pretty stoned right now, its much better than any crappy med they can push on me, and I'm pretty happy atm.

  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Ihatemyselfalot and welcome to SF. I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting so much right now, but it can get better eventually. The economy is really hard right now and everyone is feeling the pinch. You have to just take whatever job that you can find to make ends meet. Please don't give up on life. :hug:
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    There;s many meds that can stable your mood and take the edge of your suicidal thoughts. Give it a chance, it might surprise you :)
  9. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I agree - you have to keep trying to find a good combination. Everyone reacts differently. If your current dosages aren't helping, you need to talk to your doctor and make some changes.
  10. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I'm going to tell you like it is. You are trying to fill an spiritual hole with a meaningless physical substitute [drugs], and while you believe they are helping you, they are only bringing you further down. Get off those downers, and think with your clear mind. Why are you feeling like you do? What can you do to change it? Have you looked into a spiritual source to help you? I felt empty and lonely most of my life regardless of where I was or with how many people I was around. It took me a long time to realize that my soul was lonely. Yahweh filled it for me, and I no longer feel that way anymore. Hope this helps :hug:Blessings..
  11. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    Sorry, I have tried to be spiritual, but I'm too skeptical for it.
    I'm very naturalistic and I find spirituality to be a bit too far fetched for me to believe.
    I do believe in the awesome power of the mind and what can be percieved as a spiritual experience.

    I do the damn meds to help me just get life over with.

    I smoke about 30-40 cigarettes a day and that's the only way I can kill myself slowly.
    So if I die in my 30s, once I get more money I will up my cigarette amount, and I have meds that keep me in some kind of apathetic daze, then this can be al over with ASAP, and then I don't have to go on living like this.

    I'm not a defeatist person, well I wasn't until I realized that I had been well and truly defeated, and life can only go downhill from there.

    And trust me, you will say "well fix it", but it cant be fixed, sorry, I have tried to fix it but its water tight and unfaxable and its with me my entire life.
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. Please try and stop smoking so many cigarettes each day. Smoking that many will almost guarantee that you will develop lung cancer one day. Lung cancer is not a nice way to die. Actually, any form of cancer is awful. Why do you want to end your life? Please don't give up. :hug:
  13. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    No one in their right mind would just tell you to 'fix it'-- despite what we'd like to believe, people just aren't that simple. What defeated you? What led you here? Listen, if you don't have anything to live for, no reason to go on, then could it hurt to talk it out one more time? Feel free to pm me if you'd like, but at the very least, try to write through it one more time.

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