My last ditch effort to try to fix this life

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Syn, Sep 7, 2012.

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  1. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    Okay, so lately I've been spending hours job searching, and trying to figure out what I can do with an english degree, and mainly just trying to figure out what the fuck I'm doing in life. I can't find a job no matter what I do. I have no previous job experience, and a criminal record, which obviously helps nothing and makes me think I already managed to completely fuck my life up. Looks like my degree is going to do me no good, and the only degrees that would do me any good are things I would be terrible at, and no doubt be miserable with. It's like I have all the wrong skills for this world, and nowhere to turn. I feel like I'm going to grow up and become some loser that just drags everyone else around them down. I don't want to just be a burden on everyone around me, and I try so hard not to be but that seems like all I could ever be. All my dreams are so far out of reach I don't know why I even bother with them, I don't really have much of a reason to stick around other than the few people I would hurt, but wouldn't it hurt them more if I stayed and became that loser that drags everyone else down? Would it be better if I just killed myself now? I mean, it would hurt them if I did, but maybe it'll hurt them more later on? I don't know what to do with my future and nobody seems able to help me, I'm on my own in a world that obviously doesn't want me here. Did I already fuck everything up? Did I already fail? Should I just disappear and lie to everyone about where I'm going so they never know that I killed myself?

    Honestly I'm just not sure, and I'm hoping someone can help me, what do I do with my life? How can I make something of myself when everything I am is absolutely useless in society? All my skills mean precisely jack and shit, and my future looks so bleak that I honestly don't see any way out of this. I can't take this, I feel like I'm living in an anxiety attack anymore, it's just one right after the other. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even think, and I'm falling apart. I feel like I just want to run away from everything, and just vanish. I don't care where I go, I just want to be anywhere but here, stuck in my own mind with this looming failure that suffocates every ounce of hope that I used to have. I'm not afraid to admit it, I'm completely terrified and on the verge of tears nearly every moment of my life. I don't think I can do this, but there has to be someway out right? There has to be someway to make this life worth while, I wasn't just born to hurt others, suffer, and die as a worthless failure was I? There has to be something I'm missing here, I don't want to die as a worthless, unloved, pathetic failure.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Have you spoken to a career counselor who might be able to direct you to a job/profession you would enjoy and a way in which you can prepare for it? I am aware that a criminal record may seem like all doors would be closed, but that is not true...there is plenty room for second chances and people who know who to prepare someone for interviewing and such would be able to assist you...please believe you did not already fail, you should not lie and that there are people who are very educated in assisting you
  3. letmedisappear

    letmedisappear Well-Known Member

    Sometimes even Superman needs help from a civilian.
    I would have to agree with Sadeyes... though I'm only a teenager and know jacksh!t about the employment world, I do know that there are people out there to help, for anything. You haven't failed, you're just reaching a bump in the road, and I'm sure with a little help you can - and will - overcome it.
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