My last night.

I have spent the last week or so visiting family members and friends, and even though I am scared, I think I am finally ready.
I just had my last meal, wasn't that great to be honest.
I have cleaned my apartment, threw away all my trash and food that will go bad.
Tomorrow I will make sure that my stomach is completely empty, so that I won't leave a mess, and also because what I am going to to works best if done on an empty stomach.
I will take a shower, put on on clean clothes, lie down on the couch and listen to my favourite songs. After that, I will hopefully die without to much pain.

I am not going to write a letter or a note, in the hope that my death will look like just a natural heart failure.
So I guess this is my farewell letter.

I hate the world.
I hate humans.
I hate myself.
Goodbye.

 

What is going on? Reach out and talk to us :hug:

 

Dear Bob
Where are you? I hope you are still with us. Please don't end your life. You are precious human being. Talk to us!!

 

I am still here. It is not until tomorrow I am going to kill my self.
There is noting to talk about really. I hate my life, so I am going to end it.

 

What is it about your life that you hate?

 

I don't really know how to put my thoughts out as words.
I actually spent 20 minutes trying typing it out. But when I read through it, I realized that it did not really come across as I wanted it. So if I had posted it, you would get a wrong picture of me.

All I can say is that the bad outweighs the good by a large margin. And I am tired of keep on living in pain just because I don't want to hurt family and friend.

 

I know the bad can seem impossible to overcome. But you said the bad outweighs the good, so there are some good points in your life? What are those?

 

I don't really know...
I guess it depends on how I am feeling from day to day.
On a good day, I might actually like spending time with friends and family, walk in the forest, watch a film, play games, go for a swim or read.
But the good days are very rare, maybe once every few months. And when I am having one, it usually doesn't last more than a few hours.

 

Is there anything you can change so you can spend more time with friends and family and going on walks?

 

I can do it every single day if I want to. But I don't. As I said, I only like spending time with them on good days.
I usually see them once a week, and I only do that to keep up appearance.

 

Fuck.....
It has been over two hours since I ingested enough toxins to kill a horse, and I am still fucking here....

 

Hi bob!!
How old are you? Are you living alone?
Why don't you tell me about your days!? How do you live? How many times do you see your friends. Why do you want to die?
You know, you can live a beautiful life if you believe in you and in your qualities!!
Tell me how are you !

 

I don't get this.. Last night, I was ready. I hardly hesitated at all when I swallowed the toxins. But it did nothing. My heart was racing, I was sweating a bit. But there was no pain, and obviously it failed to kill me.
I have an idea on why it didn't work. So today I got more, only in a different form.

Any way. On my way back home, I had a sort of experience. It was probably nothing, but I have not felt so ready to die today, and that experience only increased my doubts..
I think maybe I want to tell my family, or at least some of them. But I have no idea how or even if I really should.

Despite all my doubts today though, I still wish I had succeeded yesterday.

 

Please don't you die!!!
Why don't you want speak with me? Tell me your reasons you wanna die ? Please, try to smile again !!
Goodnight, I'm going to sleep but I hope tu hear you again...

 

The fact that you have doubts means you are not ready to do this, please reach out for some help or reach out to us here :hug:

 

Bob, I don't know what you're going through, I know nothing about your life. You are a complete stranger to me, but know that I'm praying for you right now. And That if you are this close to ending your life, you NEED to tell someone. What do you have to lose??? Nothing, you might as well see what happens. It could change your life. You have to let someone care about you. So give someone in your life a chance to help. Talk to someone. -Kelly