My Last Post, Killing myself Tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KPT monster, Nov 30, 2006.

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  1. KPT monster

    KPT monster Member

    Ive posted here before and I just figured Id say one last goodbye to the only people who have ever tried to help me in my life, but in the end i Know nobody cares about me.

    Today has been the worst day of my life which, for me, has to be one god awful day. So after careful consideration I have finally decided that I am going to kill myself. I am pretty sure I have depresion and its obvious to everybody and sometimes they ask, but my parents dont want to deal with the embarrasmeant of having a "crazy son" so they dont take me so when I lie and say "no" they think I am an a******. I have no freinds at all. There is one thing in my life I truly like and my parents take it away like its nothing. So therefore I literally do nothing. I suck at school so I dont have good grades at all. I have dislexia and ocd so I think that explains that.

    All me and my parents do is argue about everything and its not about serious issues like I was caught drinking so we are arguing about that. Its stupid stuff about why I said I wanted to wear my sweater, after they said no. And I get yelled at for an hour before school about that (yea, with all this physcological stress I do bad in school) and when i tell them about It they get mad and say, like everything else, it is my own fault. I really am mad im killing myself and not have the joyof watching them die. That may sound horrible but I have long intricate thouhts of killing them. And dreams where I kill them are usually the only good dreams I have

    And speaking of dream, I cant rememmber the time I didnt have a dream where someone didnt die. All that isnt even half of my problems. I would say that is only about 1/10th of my problems. So after careful consideration, I have decided I am going to kill myself tonight, So I am going to check back here later on and I hope something will be here that will make me change my mind.
     
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Well there you go. You really don't want to die, you are still holding out a shread of hope that someone here will say something to comfort you and get you away from commiting suicide. Your not dead set on commiting suicide, you really don't want to, you just want the pain to end of course, if all the crap in your life right now went away, you of course would want to keep on living right?

    You still have a tiny bit in you that wants to live, keep nourishing that and let it help you to keep on living.
     
  3. music_addict

    music_addict Well-Known Member

    suicide is not something to be taken lightly. i do wish you might take another day at least to reconsider. It is definetely not something that should be done impulsively. Trust me, i failed on an impulsive attempt to end my life and now im even worse off medically. But, ultimately, it is your choice and your life and I wish you smooth sailings in whatever you choose to do.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2006
  4. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    hi, i may not be the best person to tell you "don´t kill yourself", but i think that what you need dessperatly is comprension, someone who can hear you without yell at you beacause you are wrong...because you are not. I know you must be so sad that the onlything you want is that everything ends, but let me tell you something...if there´s a heaven you won´t want to finish your life like this because you will realize you could wait untill everything gets better ( because you know that will happend , i don´t know when but i´m sure)... and if there isn´t heaven or an afterlife... i think that you shouldn´t kill yourself because you wont enjoy things that surely will come with time. I know that you care about what your parents and the other people says, but you must start thinking about you, killing yourself will give them what they want.. please do what you want ( because i know you want to live, you came dessesperatly for a reason to live). be yourself , is all that you can do, and think that if they don´t care about you, they won´t worth your suicide. i´m here if you want to chat...
     
  5. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    please if you read all of these please post i wnt to know how are you and what was your decision. i´m worry about you
     
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    KPT I hope you're still here I really do and I'm going to do what it takes to keep you going,hang on mate you don't really want to do this I know you don't.Just hang in such a dark place and yes I do care just like other's here and genuinely so,just hold tight for a bit more and we'll work through thing's you'll get through this you will see I'll assure you of this matey.
    You're in deep despair and pain I have Ocd as well and know what it's like so talk to me we can get through this together.
     
  7. ShadyMalingerer

    ShadyMalingerer Active Member

    my best wishes to you.
     
  8. Dan

    Dan Account Closed

    how old are you?
     
  9. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    You sound young. There is more life to come, better life to come. You have a problem, and you need help. Don't give in to that enemy of depression. Don't give it the satisfaction of hijacking your mind and your life to the point where it dies. You are sick, and there are people out there who want to make you better. Maybe your parents won't but there is always someone who will. I know what it's like to be young and alone and afraid, wondering if everyday could be your last. I survived to see a better day. We all hope you're okay and you will do the same...
    :hug:
    Love is with you.
     
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