My last stop...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by nazzle, Mar 28, 2010.

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  1. nazzle

    nazzle New Member

    I'm at a point right now where hanging on is too painful. I never thought my life would come to this. I find no joy in living and I have no hope. I spend every day either thinking about cutting or actually cutting myself and the suicidal thoughts never go away. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, but the difference between then and now is that I used to be so good at pretending to be happy and faking a smile. These days I can't even fake it anymore and my pain shows. The worst part is I feel so alone , I don't have anyone that I can really talk to. The friends I have told make it seem like it's a joke and don't take me seriously. They just keep telling me to be happy, like it's that simple. They don't understand why I cut...they don't get that the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain I live with each day. I have honestly reached a point where I just want to die and I don't think anyone would care that much. It wouldn't make a difference for anyone else if I wasn't here, but I would be free and maybe finally at peace.

    ...It's a sad day when you realize you hate yourself. When that empty feeling inside becomes normal and you forget what happiness feels like...and I hate to say this , but I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. When the smile on my face matched the feeling in my heart. I am empty...
  2. Mat Voleido

    Mat Voleido Well-Known Member

    I know that feeling. It sucks... So bad. I don't know where you live in Canada, but I know that where I do it can be a pitfall. The cold, pissy conditions on a dark night in this concrete jungle drives me insane sometimes.

    You have to realize that your situation won't always be the same. You won't always feel exactly like this. Your friends - you can talk to them, try and be straight with them, even one on one. Even if your friends don't respond with a depth you want, you'll meet someone who does eventually...

    :hug: Do you mind sharing why you feel like life is too painful to go on/you feel empty?
  3. nazzle

    nazzle New Member

    It's too painful because every minute is taken up with wanting to hurt myself or kill myself. I've been told I need to face my past and to accept it and come to terms with it, but I can't. because that requires getting help and talking about my feelings and letting people in and that's just not something I think I can do. At a young age I learned how to cope by shielding myself from others. By pretending that I'm happy and always wearing a fake smile. I can't trust anyone anymore. I tried getting help, but it didn't work it just made everything worse. The emptiness has kind of been a progression I'd have to say. Everything thats happened has chipped away at me and losing all hope..that was the final straw ..and now I just feel's hard to explain.
  4. Amonet54

    Amonet54 New Member

    maybe if you could look to yourself about why you hurt. what thoughts hurt the most. people always seem to brush it off thats true because evryone wants to look at sunshine all the time. But if you can, look back on the things that are hurting you maybe theres a way to fix them in your own mind.cuz above all your worth that to urself
    There will be one friend who will look at you truely and that one friend will take away the lonliness which can lock us down.maybe focus on something you love doing if your about to self harm. replace
  5. nazzle

    nazzle New Member

    The thoughts that hurt the most are the ones about my dad molesting me. And the problem is that only me and him know the truth and he goes on with life like he never did anything, yet I'm left here destroyed. And people question my memories..asking me if it actually I would make something like that up. But then that makes me question myself and that drives me crazy. So i have to pretend like nothing ever happened but that's getting harder and harder to do. How can I pretend that I love him when I don't even want to look at him or be around him..I just want him to die, but I know if he did lots of people would be that's why I just want to die
  6. Glock17

    Glock17 New Member

    What your father did is unforgivable, is there no way you can take a break? Maybe stay with some friends, also you don't have a mother?
  7. nazzle

    nazzle New Member

    Well I'm away for school at the moment, but that's over in a month and I have to go back home for the summer and that's whats making my anxiety go through the rough and i don't think I could deal with it. And Yes I do have a mom and I love her. But she doesn't know anything about this so she's still married to my dad and they live together.
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