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My life and.... the Daltons

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Aug 18, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    The Daltons...

    Well i tried it again... or rather to get the time alone to do it again but it has failed me once again... Seems i cant ever get the time to do it or get the chance to be alone...

    my plan was to go in the woods at the camp and do it and by the time they would find me it would be way too late.. of course i could take everything right now and get it over with but i would not want my dad or one of my nieces come into my bedroom and find me dead so i dont do it at home.. out in the woods at a camp would be totally different , a stranger would find me who does not know me and it would be easier for all concerened but every single time i try to get time alone someone is always there so.. im not gonna make a plan , i am just gonna do it when i get the time alone to do it with.. i already carry everything i need so it can happen at any time.

    I did get word from the hospice and betty at lazareouse house has made me an oappointment with an onocologist to help get me pain meds for free so i guess if nothing happens and i am still alive then next week i will be getting pain meds to help combat this cancer pain, so at least i can have one pain reduced..

    As for the Daltons , well i have given up on them... they never really cared and if they are reading this then they need to read on a little bit futher cause i have something to say to them..

    Mr and Mrs Dalton,

    Why did you tell me you cared and loved me when you knew that deep down in your hearts you never really did?

    Why did you tell me that day inside the church at the back that you thought of me like a daughter?? if you had thought of me like a daughter then do you do your own daughter the same way?? do you not call or visit her for over 3 years?? you lied when you said that to me yet you go on and preach against lying????

    Why did you both hurt me?? you both knew darn well that i loved you both very much and dont say you didnt know cause you did know, so why did you hurt me?? You knew that i thought highly of you both and you knew that i admired and really trusted you both.. i trusted you with my life on several times yet i guess i made the mistake of believing in you and beliving you would be trustworthy...

    Yes i hurt you before and i came to you and asked for your forgiveness now didnt i?? So why could you NOT COME to me when the latest happened???
    Did you honestly think that i knew what happened, i didnt and i still dont have all the facts but i think i know what happened but yet you go on with your life knowing that i am tormented by this... My spirit is troubled by this. i mean litterly troubled by it.. My spirit can not release this failing body of mine in peace because of this and yes i know about the spirit re;leasing and the body shutting down at death , etc.. hospice has given me a hand book.. it tells all about the dying process..

    I can get on hospice and it would be free for me. Betty at lazerouse house has made me an appointment with a dr fredrick , and she mentioned marsella, or something like that and several other names. i will have a whole list of people that will be coming by my bedside, be my guest call them , i dont care cause its the truth.. i have terminal cancer and its killing me.. this is not a game or a stunt for attention.. its not posted here to make others feel sorry for me like you so have thought so many times about me.. remember telling me that??? remember saying that you think i like it when others feel sorry for me?? did you know that you were wrong or did you not ever think that you of all people could be wrong?? Well you were wrong , i know it and God knows it.

    it hurts me so bad and my heart is breaking so badly because of this.. but you havent called and frankly to tell you the truth i doubt you ever will and even if you did so then what would be your reason for calling??? it WOULD NOT BE BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME... CAUSE YOU DONT LOVE ME , NEVER DID..it would only be because you read the post here as an ultimatium and called.. that is not love , not GODS love anyway..

    Tell me Mr Dalton.. just what is your idea of love? of Gods love , you preach on it but you dont practice it... You knew how i felt about you and your wife but you assumed the worst of me.. and how could you possiably think i could forget your birthdays when you have the same birthday as my mom had and elaine has the same as dads.. how in the world was i going to ever forget it?? but you know what???

    With the help of God i am going to push you and your wife out of my mind forever... I will not allow you two to hurt me anymore.. If you were an honest caring minister you of all people would have known better then to place a lot of hurt upon me... You cared for yourself too much and no one else.. i know it , you know it and God knows it... You believed in something that wasnt truth and you did not have the courage to come to me face to face and say or rather ask me if i did this.. If you had done that then i could have contacted my niece brought her into the church house and confronted her with you and your wife and me and her there but you chose not to...

    No wonder you guys hated me , you thought i did it and that hurts because you couldnt come to me and ask me instead you thought i knew about it.. Why didnt you ask me?? why was that so hard for you to do?? You can take your pretend love and give it to someone else... you can take it to God and i dont know what he would do with it..

    See i let you both hurt me , because i thought i could trust you both.. i mean gees you told me you loved me and i remember asking you why?? then you said something like its required or its Gods love or something like that , well you know what you lied when you told me that... you flat out lied to me... For your sake i hope you both learn not to say you love someone unless you really mean it... so im putting the both of you out of my mind , out of my life , cause i dont need you both anymore and i sure as heck dont need the hurt that you both put on me and God will take care of that for me.. in fact i think thats why he allowed me to have this cancer.. he allowed it to happen because he wanted me in heaven with him, i think God has said Susan you have had enough hardships , you have had enough hurt , you have had enough broken trusts and its time to come home to a true love , a true caring place... Well God im coming home.. im coming home to heaven with you soon...

    Mr Dalton , i hope and pray that you finally realize the hurt you put upon me.. i tell you if i had known someone thought of me as a mom there is not a week would go by without me at least calling or sending a card.. if it was me and someone had the highest respect for me like i did for you and your wife , i would diffently go to them in person if something had happened and ask if they did it but you know i didnt do anyone that way like you did me...

    We could have resolved it you know??? It would have been easily done but you both chose to keep me hurting.. to get your revenge , well you got it my now un-friends but you took it out on the wrong person for the wrong reasons.. so i have now turned it over to the highest authority ( GOD ) he will take care of it for me.. :hug:

    Well you got your revenge upon me ... even though it was directed at me and i was not the one and God knows it and when you pass on and on the day of judgement you will know it.. I have asked God to forgive you and i will continue to do so as much as i ask God to help put you and your wife out of my mind , and diffently out of my heart.. I held you both very close to my heart cause i truly and honestly held you highest in my heart , not as high as God cause he always comes first but i would have to say you were around the top three and i was dumb and stupid to hold you both in that high reguard or even care and love you that much cause YOU BOTH ARE NOT WORTH IT.. YOU JUST ARE NOT WORTH IT.. and my Heart is not worth the pain i endured because of you both.. my prayer to God is that you will not hurt others again like you did me
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Susan, I think you are headed in a wonderful new direction emotionally. And how kind of you to even keep the Daltons in your prayers, :hug:
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well peanut

    i just loved them so much.. they may not have thought of me or loved me that much but i did them.. guess you could say that i loved them like God loves ... my love wasnt pretend , it was real and it was true and deep

    theirs on the other hand wasnt.... or at least of what i can see and feel...

    the pain they caused me really hurt me a lot and only way to heal that pain is to have God help me put them out for good , just like i never met them before.. heck it was so easy for them to put me out of their mind but its so hatrd when you love someone so much like i did with them.. i thought highly of them.. i trusted them so much.. i trusted my heart with them yet my heart got broken again , just like it always does but God is a great doctor and he can heal this broken heart..

    I did my part... now i got to concentrait on releasing my spirit cause its ready to go back home to God.. Hes calling me home i just hope and pray my spirit can go... according to that little hand book if theres an unresolved issue my spirit wont release from my body and will linger here , so i can only hope it will go on and go to heaven.. the way i look at it.. i am almost the same age as Jesus was.. he was 33 and im 35 maybe hes got something special for me?????? hey , one other thing i dont have to grow old and get wrinkles :hug:
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    One other thing Mr. Dalton,


    I had you down as gift receiptents and it looks as if Amazon has kept up with your address and appearntly every time i would order something it the bill was sent to your address or should i say billing was sent , although you were never charged cause it was gift certifictes to me for doing surveys and then i would redeem them and order stuff and did not realize they had you for billing ..

    So i have removed it completly.. i dont want to know anything about you or your wife anymore.. I DONT want to know where you live or anything , so you wont be getting anything from amazon or any billings.. this was done without me knowing about it but i assume you will think i knew , well think want you want to..

    you both are out of my life for good. and you both will be out of my Heart for good as soon as God helps me get you out of it.

    i dont want your SO CALLED PRETEND LOVE and i dont want any phone calls from you both UNLESS YOU REALLY LOVE ME... Which i know you dont and that is a big flat out lie on your part..

    if you had loved me you would have helped put my mind at ease but you didnt and you PROVED to me otherwise so i have turned it over to God and he will deal with it... i will die with a troubled spirit and you will have to go to your grave after i have passed and face God... That is the Choice you made..
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