I'm 18 in a month, also vary stressful time for me considering that I've been about to snap for a long time now and if I wait much longer then I'll be tried as an adult. Well that’s not entirely accurate. It's not so much I’m going to snap as I am getting feed up and really want to do something about it. You see I've been putting up with ... well words couldn’t really explain what I've been putting up with for most of my life. They could explain the physical situation of what’s going on if I put a lot of effort into it, but they could never really tell of what’s happening in my world. Well I guess I'm going to try as people will need a reference if they talk to me in the future and it will probably feel good too. I’ve been meaning to let someone know about my problems, the thing is, my entire life is the problem. There’s not a Life story thread on the forum and this isn’t exactly a vent (as bad as I feel) but I’m going to just post here I suppose. I was born two years before my sister Ruby. I lived in a really nice area in California. My dad Gary owned a movie lighting company and was famous for being the damn strongest man in the world whose beaten more people to a pulp then John Wayne who incidentally, my grandfather beat to a pulp and then chassed his limo 5 blocks on foot (no really) and my mom Robin worked making the cloths and such that the actors would wear and was famous for sleeping with half the actors in history apparently, and even dated Sylvester Stallone. They met while working on Jake & the fat man I think. After they got together Gary found out about my moms brother Wynn who was dieing of aids because, yes, he was gay, In fact every-other male on my mothers side has been gay for about a dozen generations and that caused my father to give me more insults and stupid suspicions on me being gay then you could passably imagine. Anyway my mom convinced Gary to help pay for the medical bills and before long Gary was pretty much keeping Wynn alive on every penny he had. However now he says that he found out that Robin was keeping all the money to herself and didn’t give a care about her own bother. They were together for about a year and my dad was going to break up with Robin after Wynn died and then unfortunately my mom got pregnant with me. My dad couldn’t just leave her to be a single mom so they got married. There were financial problems and they got in a lot of fights. My mom tells me that Gary was so horrible that she was going to leave him as well but he scared her into staying. She told me that once he actually strangled, hit and beat the crap out of my ass right there on the side of the highway for just throwing a pack of cigarettes in the car when I was less then two years old. She then told him to stop, take her to the airport right then, and that she was going to Texas to live with her parents, He smacked her in the face and then hit the steering wheal so hard that it broke in three places. So as you can tell, my father has always had anger problems. A year later my sister was born and within month Gary got in a car accident that broke the seatbelt, sent him flying out of the windshield and over the car in front of him, he then got up and drove the car home at 13mph. He suffered from miner brain damage, shattered his spine and broke half the bones in his body and that left him in a body cast for the next three years and caused his addiction to morphine and eventually lead to the deterioration of his liver. Trust me when I say I'm not alone when I wish he died then, or that we had what it takes to go in his back room and hold a pillow on his face. The next years were hell for all of us, I'm thankful that Ruby was to young to remember what happened back then. Gary would yell and scream and call us all horrible things that I didn’t even know what meant back then, but they did make mom cry, and that made me angry. Once in a while he crawled out of bed and stumbled around the house even though it caused incredible pain for him to move, so he would overdose on morphine just to chase us around. Once he got made at me for not sharing a cardboard box I was using as a fort with Ruby and started calling me names, after I kicked the fort over he chased me through the house screaming in pain from moving so fast, picked me up by the throat, shook me around and threw me across the room and into the wall, putting a hole in it that he later blamed on me. Another time he started treating Robin pretty bad and she was crying and such. Even though I was only about five then I could tell how bad he was being so I charged him from across the house and head butted him right in the stomach and yelled for him to leave mom alone, he said he didn’t know what I was talking about because Robin was being the bitch (even though she was crying in the corner). That lead to his delusion and paranoia of me and how Robin is trying to brainwash me to being her pet. I can’t quite remember everything that happened back then but after I found Robin cheating on Gary and I suffered from mal nutrition for a year or two at about the same time I was diagnosed with sever HADD, Robin had me put on riddilen which is basically a medical version cocaine for kids with all the same side affects. Gary found out about me starving to death and took me off the riddilen after a few years and started going into debt so he could get food for me and himself as Robin wouldn’t help him get food and when she did he gave it to me so I wouldn’t starve and she spent all Gary's social security money on herself and Ruby, who was obviously her favorite of the two of us. I wound up trusting Gary more as time went on, mainly because he was the only person I knew since Robin would never take me out of the house and just left me to rot with Gary while her and ruby went out and had fun and made friends. Unfortunately I wound up believing my father about the horrible things he would say about everyone in the world and I grew up to be as twisted and bitter as him. After a few years of this we lost the house from unpaid taxes that my mom says we couldn’t afford and my dad says that she stole because he was making over $200,000 a year even though he was making less the $100,000 and we ran out of savings about a year after the accident, that he also blames on Robin because she was spending it all while he rotted away in the back. Gary got out of his body cast by now but was still permanently crippled and had no friends or even many relatives in contact or that wanted anything to do with him. We were forced to move into a crappy house in the desert that wasn’t worth the dirt it was built on and surrounded by complete red necks. Now that my mom and Ruby were over 200 miles away from there friends they were only able to get away every few weeks and sometimes they would stay gone sleeping at friends houses for days or a week at a time and half the time Ruby would be left behind with me to look after while Gary would do nothing but sit, sleep, eat, drink burden, and curse everyone out on the couch while watching TV getting sicker and sicker which he still does today nine years later. Yet they still never took me with them. We continued to be brought down Gary every fucking single time we walked through our own home. We later found out that my mother and sister moved into a even worse condo in some LA ghetto just to get away from Gary some times but they never told us because they were afraid of what he might do if he found out. They never told me because they were scared I might let him know. But they still never told me so I could come with them, that still burns me to this day. Things got complicated after that. I moved back and forth between them, some times staying with one for years at a time do to some ridicules argument or just being feed up with one or the other. This was one of the hardest parts of my life do to the decisions I was forced and had to make. If I stayed with my father he would drive me insane, make me clean up after him, call me names, drive me crazy with his infinite rambling, INFINITE, INFINITE RAMBLING, repeating the same sentence a dozen times a day or more, be bombarded by cursing and his signature catch phrase (please forgive me for cursing) "mother fucking cock suck/er/ers/ing queer" stand guard over him without sleep for a day or two striate while he would puke and puke until nothing but blood and bile would come up and then puke for hours more when he would overdose and only then, right before he would die let me call an ambulance time and time again. But he was smart enough to help me go to school and eat at least half right and "allowed" me to make friends. Every time I left he would act like I had betrayed him and had turned to the dark side with my mom who he literally beginning to suspect was the devil himself or at least some form of witch, and he's an atheist! Every time I went with my mother she would basically never let me out of the house or do anything for me. She of coarse every once in a while would offer to let me join them while she takes Ruby to girl scouts to shut me up. However even if I did go all the people there thought I was some kind of total freak and neither of them would stick up for me, in fact they even joined the discussion about me some times, not even caring if I was listening. They would pretty much just leave me waffles and cereal to eat everyday while I would sit at home rotting and watch TV or play computer games, correction, one game. Every time I went to live with them I lost contact with all my friends, well all two of them anyway, people don’t like hanging out with hyper anti-social people that cant keep a train of thought for three or more seconds (HADD). And you know, sitting in a small nasty condo watching TV with stains over every surface of the room for years at a time doesn’t seem nearly as bad as it really is when your there. Despite all that, Gary had always been the one that looked out for me (in a way) and I couldn’t bring myself to "abandon" him so I stayed with him about the entire time. One day Gary was driving his huge tricked out truck that we had owned since before I was born and he fell asleep at the wheel. He flew of a bridge in a overpass in the middle of the most desolate road in California (100miles of nothing till the next town) and against odds equivalent to be being eaten alive by a shark during a earthquake right now in this room, he landed on another car killing some poor twenty year old guy coming back from Los Vegas. If I went with him then that guy wouldn’t have died and Gary wouldn’t have gotten the traumatic brain damage and injuries that crippled him even worse and put him in a coma for another year. Once he woke up he was put in a rehab center called something like Casa Colena and that Gary called hell on earth. I visited a few times and saw that it was basically like a six star hotel where they catered to your every whim and everyone would humor your wildest delusions and you got 4-5 huge meals a day. This irritated me a bit because I was living with Robin this entire time and get a cheese burger every week if I was lucky while he killed a good man with a family and got to live like he was a million air and hated the place. So he literally "ran away" from the place after about eight months and weaseled his way out of having to go back. So I stayed with Gary; for about four or five years, I had to learn to be just as crazy as he was so I wouldn’t kill myself. We got in a lot of fights, once he snapped, ripped my TV from the wall, threw it across the room and threatened me worse then ever. Even when I locked myself in my room he punched down the door and broke the frame off and grabbed the phone as I was calling for help and stormed off only to come back an hour later and apologize like he accidentally pushed me in a pool; lucky I got a call out and Robin came and I crawled out the window and left with her, I found out that again they didn’t tell me they got a new place and had been house sitting in studio city indefinitely for a family friend. I didn’t say a single word to my father for nearly two years. Until he found out where we lived and surprised us barging in and finding me. We had a pretty big talk, he apologized, we had a few arguments and wanted me to come back. So those were my choices, stay with two sane people that don’t care about you and rot away while being bored on a unfathomable level for years at a time, or stay with someone completely insane and now basically retarded that says he likes you but completely hates your guts and acts like a Simi-normal person in front of friends, neighbors and social workers so they believe his lies about you being a worthless queer, and Robin and Ruby being evil thieves that are trying to kill us, but if you work ridiculously hard to catch up in school you can get C's and have food. I chose Gary. After I came back the house was actually more disgusting then ever and smelled like wet dog, papers and sludge cote most of the surfaces and he had broken most of the appliances so everything had to be done by hand and we didn’t have air conditioning; it’s still that bad. He cut all ties with my mom and changed bank accounts so she couldn’t keep stealing Gary's money even though I still doubt that she ever did, (at least on the scale Gary says) and we were able to save up enough money to get a loan or two so we could fix up the house and refinance even after we declared bankruptcy for the second time and yes that’s illegal. Gary tried to handle all that stuff by himself while he was alone but since his brain damage he can’t do simple math. He is also a complete moron as the first thing he did after living in the middle of nowhere without a car for two years was not just buy a car, but spend half the money on a Mercedes bens that was in such horrible shape that it broke down nearly completely within sixteen months. Gary was driving the car down to a doctor’s appointment even though he didn’t have a license, insurance, and could hardly see since the last wreck. Then unbelievably he got in a third car accident. This one he solely blames on me because he asked me to go with him and I happened to be pretty pissed at him that week so I refused. Unfortunately the crash didn’t kill him and he was able to walk away from the wreck but the car was totaled. Robin's house was soled and she got kicked out. She and Ruby were homeless for months. Gary and me were out of the money from both lones and the house was barley looking better so he asked me if we should let Robin come back and stay with us in exchange for help since she's so good with numbers and isn’t a pathetic lazy queer like me, and I said yes, we should.