My Life as an Adult....so far since turing 18, eh sumtimes i forget to think

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by CandyCane89, Jul 31, 2012.

  1. CandyCane89

    CandyCane89 Member

    after a failure of 4 suicide attempts i cut the sit per se but I'm now 22 yrs of age and since my entering this so called adult world its been an emotional roller coaster lets see i Graduated and walked the line and soon after college then got sent with my grandma to Mexico was stuck there for 3 months,,then finally came back home never returned to college and i guess it all started spiraling from there on cant say i made great decisions had my fare share of flings one became a friendship with this Nick guy another was Mike was a sex thing but cut it off after a car crash...that night i was late coming home in a taxi my older bro wasn't too happy about that one then i met Andrew he was a fling that turned out to be a bf for 2 months then he broke up with me cuz i guess all we had was a physical attraction thing so w/e then i got with this guy Peter from Myspace was with him about eh 6months he was kickback but a total bum i guess didn't wrk or school nada i at least worked but i still kept seeing Andrew on/off till around 2009 of march i met my now fiancee Dalton he was a great guy till i opened my eyes when i took a break from my smoking habits and saw he had things going on with his exes a few particular ones with sexting and pictures but i sought out revenge not the smartest thing to go to that level but i was already seeing Andrew so i went to him and i felt better and a few months later found out that i was pregnant and i knew it was Andrew or Dalton's but once they told me wen i conceived i knew right away who's it was and all i could think about was Abortion and i couldn't tell Dalton y but he decided for me by telling his mother n sister so kinda felt peer pressured to keeping it so i did and sooo glad i did but after she was born i kept seeing Andrew he did meet her 3x maybe but i know your saying how could u still be seeing him besides the fact he was great in bed...it was when i was with him it was the only place i felt like i wasn't drowning, and Dalton still sextxts his ex's even though i told him i don't like it i have now stopped caring why bother something that will never changer my daughter is going to be 2 soon and her biological father Andrew has moved to Texas hes been gone since sep2011 i send him pictures once in a while but its been about 4days since i i sent him anything and don't think i will hes never bothered asking how she is or anything all together hes given 250$ since shes been born he can shove it and im done with Dalton and his BS so im moving next yr mid April to Oregon if i can keep my tendencies under raps because its getting really hard not having suicidal tendencies i sometimes think hey my daughter could do better without me and i can just be done because Ive run on empty hell i was done when i was 16yrs old but I'm still here...why? i am a bad person the only thing that brings me joy is seen My daughter Happy and i don't want to bring her down with my problems
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It sounds like you can benefit from having a direction and a career...it does not mean, necessarily, going back to school, but to have something you can depend on, and have expectations of showing up...and yes, changing how you view yourself and what you are willing to do would help you and your child...there is great career counseling and such through social services which will also assure that your child is well cared for and that you have economic support...please hold on to your value and see what you can do to move forward...all the best
     
  3. CandyCane89

    CandyCane89 Member

    i do have a job its pre-school the special ed class the kids are just so great never a dull moment and i love my job and proud to say i do not alot of ppl can say that :)