My Life/Death Meter Is Down To 50%

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Mar 9, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    It's my own personal doomsday clock. And since it has been started, since I came to this board, it has always hovered around the 90% recently having tilted all the way to the "Die" side. it's down to 50.

    What does that mean? Right now....I am right in the middle of wanting to live or die. That is a huge step for me. For as long as I have been a member here, and that really hasnt been that long, all I have really wanted to do was end it.

    Why the change?

    Well, when I came home from work last Friday and checked the mail, there was a letter from an attorney waiting for me. It was a judgement awarding a collection agency for a debt (later learned to be medical bills). Anyway, this debt was going to start being paid off via garnishment of my paycheck starting as soon as the 20th of this month!!!!!

    First of all I didnt attempt on Friday night. I weighed my options, death or homelessness. Because if they did garnish my pay that would mean 25% of my paycheck gone. That would mean, I would loose the ability to pay my car payment, so I would loose my car to repossession, and I would then consequently, loose my job and my apartment. So I spent the 3.5 hours that night at my part time job comptemplating again, death or homelessness. After work, I went down to the homeless shelter and registered with them.

    I talked to my wife about it, and she got at her place, the same judgement letter, meaning she would have her pay garnished too, meaning that she and our kids would be in the same boat I found myself in.

    Well Saturday, she stopped by my apartment to tell me that she is filing a chapter 13 BK. She will be meeting with the attorney this Wednesday.

    So that means, no garnishment of my pay, as she is putting that debt on the BK. And....other debt that had been beating me up that was one of the original triggers for me, is also being put on there.

    That has inspired me, and I too am now looking at making a fresh start with my own Chapter 13.

    I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. So then why isnt the life/death meter closer to the life side? Cause...I am still dealing with the divorce, and I am a little worried about my car. It needs some work done, and I dont really have the moolah to get it done. But if I can file a Chapter 13, then I will.

    Anyway....just thought I'd share that with the class. :wink:
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ...hey i am liking the life/death meter dropping..... better than i like the dow jones right now. . .

    seriously. this is a break for you - and about time!

    i hope things just continue to improve. . you deserve it. sending a back pat and a big :arms:
  3. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i really do hope that things keep improing for you.

    its really nice to see your live/die meter drop because it shows that you wnat to cling on in there as well as finding reasons to be alive and it shows that your even more stronger than before when the number drops.

    thank you for sharing as well x
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    see you never know. now kep working on the good things hun and see just how much further on this scale you can get down. i'm so happy for you. you desrve this and much more.
  5. depressed-dad

    depressed-dad Member

    sry that i hadnt been on i a few days was dealing witht the loss of my family member. had the funeral this past weekend. Wasnt a great weekend or a start to a new week. but i see that yo9u have had some good news and i hope that it just keeps coming. they say it happens in threes and in your luck sounds if you have two more coming to you....good things that is...but unfortunatly i have had two bad things happen losing 2 family members so now im just waiting for that next phone call in middle of the night or whatever it know but enough about me I am so happy for you my friend keep it up and jsut remember its not a bad thing with the BK just try your best not to fall back in a hole that could put you back in the 90's again you know what i mean....please take care and ttyl my friends
  6. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Awesome meter! And good luck with everything. :grouphug:
  7. asri

    asri Well-Known Member

    :cheer: now waiting for it to become the life meter 100%%%%%%%%

    Congrats mate!!!
  8. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    at least you got 50 percent more to go :) There's a bright side to everything....
    hahahaha i hate optimism so much... that i think about it, there isn't much i don't hate. troubling...
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