My life = Epic Fail Forever

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Questionable_Lifespan, Apr 29, 2008.

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  1. I've been looking up suicide for fun, cause my friend said it was hilarious. As I continued looking at it and why people are willing to kill themselves I decided I totally fit those reasons. There were many reasons so I was easily within the perameters of self perma ban forever.

    What really made my life feel like fail was on a night I was walking home from work. These black guys totally beat me, while mugging me. Nothing serious, I was able to stumble home.

    After that I was so pissed off at myself for being such a pussy.

    Since then I've been a pussy about everything, I'm even slipping at work. People have been giving me crap, easily, I feel like they might as well have sodomized me. Is this what being a victim of sodomy feels like. Cause it sucks so hard.
  2. NiTy

    NiTy Account Closed

    I'm off to bed for the night, and I'm sure you'll get plenty of other feedback, but.... I just wanted to say that your "friend" is a real jerk.

    Take care,

  3. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    Who cares if people think you are 'a pussy'. Guys are made to believe they have to fit a certain stereo type of being tough or something and never crying. I cry every night and am not tough at all.
  4. Agrigor

    Agrigor Active Member

    Stephen Hawking can't even move or speak without machinery, and he has had a more profound effect on society than any muscled up body builder.
  5. Yeah sorry to break it to you but your friend sounds like a complete douche.
  6. but if I cry at night for no real reason, doesn't that make me a spineless pussy? I mean male or female crying should be done in moderation. I don't cry, I mope, and shamble, for hours. I haven't had any confrontations and when I try to prove myself I can do something, I lose focus and fail. I fail.

    I don't appreciate being compared to someone who is perpetually suffering diminished motor skills. He may be a genius, but he is going to die. He'll leave a mark on the world, and I wont.

    I've read about ways to ill one's self and I've found some awesome ones. I'll probably end up wussing out though, and pick one of the basics. My friend would encourage me to make it awesome, though. I'd do it if it'd make her happy.
  7. Agrigor

    Agrigor Active Member

    Crying continually for no known reason is usually indicative of mental illness. Mental illness is beyond your control and is not a sign of weakness in your person.
  8. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    I can relate to this. One thing you should probably keep in mind is that a lot of people are full of shit. Your friends might tell you that they would have done something heroic at that moment, taken some last stand or whatever, but most people wouldn't have done anything. Even macho Alpha-male types wouldn't have done shit in most cases, not if they were outnumbered and taken by surprise like that. People lie constantly -- not just to you, but to themselves, too. You are being much too hard on yourself, i think.
  9. It wasn't that I didn't try anything, I did, but nothing that would get me killed. it was a long 5 or so minutes of being thrown around and punched. They weren't mad when I fought back cause they f-ing knew they were not in danger. I was their toy.

    I tried not to feel racist when this guy walked up next to me like he would mug me, then he stopped me to ask for the time. But there was a sign that read the time. When I looked to check, his friends jumped me. It's like no matter how hard I punched it didn't phase them, didn't even piss them off, they didn't even laugh, they smirked. It was like, good luck trying, oh you failed, penalty to your stomach now.

    They didn't even feel like knocking me out, they just left with my 12 dollars.
  10. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Oh so you're depressed because you didn't get yourself killed? Over 12 dollars? :unsure:
  11. My friend and I talked for a while after I showed her the site. She laughed really hard and called me a pussy. After she read what exactly happened she told me she understands how I came to my wussdom. I kind of agree with her, even though she wasn't there.

    During the talk she flat out told me to stop being a pussy. Just f-ing stop. It wasn't easy to comprehend at the time till she broke it down for me. I'm not a pussy apparently because I fought back. And it's okay to not trust black people because now I have a reason.

    I guess she didn't really understand how much it affected me, and now she does, so it's like total win. I still feel a little down, but she told me to kick life's a**.

    She also suggested that whenever I feel down I just have to remember her advice. "At least you're not black."
  12. Canti

    Canti Guest

    Im really not sure what to say because im at a loss as to what youre asking (if anyting that is, maybe you´re just ranting?).

    All i can say is i can relate to the pussy thing. Ive been on a hitlist before and it scared the fucking shit out of me. Ever since then ive been a fucking pussy. I never talk to people, i dont have my own opinion etc all to try and not rub people up the wrong way. If i dont say anything wrong they cant hate me to an extent of wanting to hurt me, right?

    Well this has consumed my life.. i now overthink even the smallest of gestures for, god forbid, they might take it the wrong way and mug me on my way home.
  13. music

    music Well-Known Member

    I felt this way too when I was younger. Unfortunately if you don't have any sort of courage to fight back, you will always be angry at yourself for not doing something about it. First time I experienced any seriousness was in the 7th grade and a gun was put to my head by someone very angry with me for absolutely no real reason. I couldn't fight back and felt raped (which I actually have been). The second time I was robbed, punched in the face, and had a knife at my throat...again hated myself for doing nothing. After this I made sure to arm myself, and usually carry a blade or a pistol. The next pos that tries to mess with me gets a .40 hollow point in their skull.

    I am not saying violence is any way to solve problems, but having a means to protect yourself is a good idea if you know what to do in that type of situation. Either that or let those thugs take your money and dignity.

    Don't let some pos that robbed you take too much of your time. Learn from this and move on.
  14. I wasn't asking anything in the last post I made. I was saying I found my moral support. It is also okay to dislike black people because I have a personal reason.

    We spent some more time discussing how to handle things in life. Asserting that adversity can go f*** itself, is a good way to build self esteem. My biggest issue was self esteem, is what we are guessing. It's great to have someone to give me positive reinforcement and tell me I'm awesome.

    I've decided to live my life as though I were awesome and right and everyone who disagrees is wrong and perpetually dickish. I've decided to say "Hey world, f*** you, I'm living."
  15. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    First of all, black people carry the weight of over a hundred years of slavery and almost a century of legal segregation on their cultural heritage. Now they intermarry and there are few communities with equal mixes of both races, so they're not blending in with white people any time soon, and I respect their pride for wanting it to stay that way although it does'nt help them. You can't ask a whole ethnic group to just get over its legitimate disadvantages, people who started poor and don't inherit any money from their ancestors can't be expected to have a low crime rate. Fuck those guys who mugged you I hope they go to jail, but it's not their race's fault!
    Second of all, the antipussyness is just stupid, you can't gang up on someone without a warning and be considered manly are you fucking kidding me man! Even if you build up your muscle and treat other people like dirt to seem more manly, I don't see how that's going to make you more manly! You are manly you don't have to do anything to pretend. People who come to this forum are the manliest there are, because they don't feel they have to make up some stupid lie to show people how tought they are. You got a reason to cry? Fucking cry dickhead it won't make your balls fall off!
  16. silent_beast

    silent_beast Active Member

    I can't believe what I am hearing. I think I take even more personally due to the fact that I am black. You trying to tell me, that someone is justified in their dislike of an entire race of people due to what one person, one individual did. It's people like you that reaffirm my hatred of the world today. People love to say how things have progressed but you have just shown me how much it hasn't. You're the perfect example of how bigot America as well as the rest of the world is. I am sorry that you were mugged by someone who just so happen to be black, but that does NOT give you any right to despise everybody who so happens to be black. That absolutely makes me sick to my stomach. The world is one big fucking melting pot of racists, sexists, homophobics, and fanatic religious people. If I were to be mugged by a group of white guys, I wouldn't think any less of white people, because they are people just like everybody else. But rather, I would think less of the assholes who did it to me. That's call being intelligent enough to not take my frustrations out on people who are undeserving of it. And I think "Gosh, I actually have to spend my life in a world of people like you? Damn, I should fucking kill myself. A quick slice to my jugular vein and voilà, no more having to deal with assholes like you. Again, I'm sorry that you were mugged and had to endure something like that, but I have totally lost any respect for an individual like yourself.

    * Everything I wrote was in one shot, so I can't guarantee that everything is grammatically correct. And yes, I do know what 'grammatically' means. I learned it after I took a break from 'talking to my eight baby's mommas and fuckin' busting some caps in a few muthafuckas' (and please note, that was sarcasm, we black people do know about something other then how to eat watermelon....)
  17. music

    music Well-Known Member

    i've been mugged and robbed both by white people. idiots don't come in only one color....
  18. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    Right behind you silent! The world is so twisted that people don't even see it! But don't give up hope, please, that won't help anyone. Look, come election season a black person or a woman might finally sit in the oval office! And if not, fuck that, the government is BS anyway. By the way, what's this about black people and watermelons I have no idea where that comes from... Doesn't matter of course, because whatever it is it isn't true of all black people, I'm just curious because it seems so weird...
  19. I was taking some time earlier to figure out what I was going to say. I think I am actually really appauled by the utter racism that has spewed from silent_beast and ItThing.

    I never said I was going to dislike black people, I have accepted that it'd be okay.

    I'm not going to get into a TL/DR about your utter ignorance. I will say, not all black people were slaves, not all black people were segregated. If you've heard of Africa, the black people there have completely different values than the black people in the US.

    Silent_beast is unquestionably offensive. Given the nature of this forum, not only did he disregard looking over his post, but the references in his post were incorrect. It was 3 black guys, not one. According to him, I'm a bigot. Apparently getting an ass handing too gives me no reason to dislike black people.

    I'm also equatable to "racists, sexists, homophobics, and fanatic religious people." Also an asshole. And he has no respect for me, apparently for finding reason in myself to dislike black people.

    Apparently I clearly meant all black people in the entire world forever, and not intimidating black people, within 20 feet, approaching me at night.

    As for ItThing, I have no idea where you got the idea I wanted to become muscular. I was talking about developing an inner strength that would give me the fucking balls to say "Fuck you world, I'm going to kick your ass." or more specificly "fuck you adversity."

    I also didn't say I'd gang up on anyone, or seek retaliation to the three black guys who beat me. It happened, I just have to try to not let it happen again. My main problem came after that, failing at everything and not haveing the self esteem necessary to kick lifes ass. That's why I contemplated the suicide.

    I don't see how not crying makes me a dickhead. Maybe you think crying works for you, but I got my head righted and now I plan on rocking at life and have no time for crying. Plus, my friend would call me a fucking pussy if I ever cried for no legitimate reason.

    I think I've addressed all the negative support and put downs I have recieved. I'm kind of ashamed by the closed minded thinking I just experienced. Knowing that people feel the need to put others way down in a thread about myself contemplating suicide, leaves me dumbfounded.

    More TL/DR
    As for black people and watermelons. Black people would steal watermelons because they are big, they are sweet, and stealing is free. When my grandfather lived on a farm, my greatgrandfather raised fruits and vegetables. A family of black people would steal his watermelon, cause that's what they did back then to survive, steal. One night my greatgrandfather poured a laxtive into some of the watermelon. After they were stolen, there was much discomfort at his neighbors house.
  20. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    lifespan, words have power. fact is, you wrote "it is also okay to dislike black people because I have a personal reason" -- you didn't say, "it is also okay to dislike people who approach me in a threatening manner at night" & there's a huge difference.

    yes, you are struggling with suicidal feelings, and so are most of us who are here. being suicidal does not give you the freedom to post inflammatory comments. each of us has a responsibility for our own actions and words.

    to generalize from one incident to an entire race *is* racist. i am glad you wrote that you 'might' feel this way in the future... because if it is not set in your heart... perhaps you might feel differently?
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