My life has gone down in flames...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Hazel Morse, Mar 24, 2016.

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  1. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    I have no motivation to live. Everything in my life is going to pot, and I literally have no one. I have no friends, no pets, and my family despise/ shun me for my depression and my attempts at suicide 8 years ago.

    Last, week my computer died. The week before, my external hard-drive died. Three years of work gone. I'm a teacher and I never use a textbook. All my work on those, the thousands of hours of creating lessons and materials is gone.

    I work at the worst school in one of the worst countries in the world. They can't get the information off the hard-drives here because they're a model that was never sold here. My principal won't let me fly home to Australia to get it fixed there. Even if I was allowed to go, it would be incredibly expensive.

    My immediate superiors picked a fight with me at the beginning of the year, accusing me of things I'd never done. They've piled on the work - I have more classes and more duties than any other secondary teacher - and demand that I complete everything by myself, perfectly. Without my computer, I can't do any of this.

    The worst part is, I was trying to escape this place. I've spent two years in therapy, Skyping to Australia. After 6 and half bloody years in this hell-hole I told the school that I wouldn't renew my contract, so I'm effectively jobless as of June - if they don't fire me first. But now I have no time to look for another job, plus I can't do it anyway, since I have no fucking computer at home.

    There are some people who aren't cut out for life. There is just no way out of this spiral. My best bet is to cut and run at the end of the month. I'll go some place nice, check into a hotel and end it there. I refuse to die here.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hi again, Hazel Morse, I think you're a really good person. I remember talking to you before, and from our conversations I gathered that you were a very nice human being, with a kind-hearted soul. You were so very complimentary of me. I hate to hear of your circumstance now, but that doesn't change my opinion of you. And I hope that you're able to find a way to get some help with your situation. Because despite feeling so alone and desperate, you're just encountering a little bit of trouble, like we all do from time to time. It's okay! You've got a lot to offer the world and those around you--even if you can't see it or don't believe me. I can only speak from what I see--& it is the truth, as best I know it. Be well!
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry everything seems so hopeless right now.

    Perhaps this will be a blessing in disguise somehow? I know everything seems bleak and you can only see that as of now... and I'm not saying things aren't bad...
    Can you go to the library and use their computers for job hunting? What about job-centers? What about getting a job in a supermarket in the mean-time until you get another teaching job just to keep you going? As you say you can get the stuff out of your harddisk back in Australia, great. Get some job and save some money to go there...
    I know all of this will probably sound like 'blah bla bla' in your ears... but please don't give up and try to look for solutions.

    This does not have to be the end, it can be the beginning!

    sahel likes this.
  4. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I'm sorry to let this go so long. I have been rushing around Guangzhou trying to get the stupid thing fixed, this weekend I finally ran away to Hong Kong and got it done.

    I remember you and everyone else here as kind, but I don't know that I even want to offer the world something - it seems a dangerous and horrible place, save for a few aforementioned folk.
  5. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    I will try to keep that in mind; however, I seem to attract negative attention unless I'm perfect. It doesn't matter who - strangers to my own mother will happily point out that I am hopeless loser for working a checkout when I'm pushing forty, and speculate on the sins/ character flaws that have led me to such a fall. And other teachers just love to tell me that I can't get a job if I'm not working, and that I have to prepare a year in advance to get a job, that my qualifications suck, etc...
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm really sorry to hear of all you are going through, I can't think of any advice that would be useful on top of whats already been said just want you to know I care and SF is here for you ((hugs))
  7. Tracianna

    Tracianna New Member

    Im so sorry for you, God bless you,I hope you feel better today, I feel your kind of pain, but im scared of the afterlife, I just take slow deep breaths using my abdomen, as much as i can instead of working my lungs, it helps alot to calm me, i hope the best for you, Tracy
  8. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I will try that.
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