My life has taken a sudden turn

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forget It, Sep 15, 2006.

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  1. Forget It

    Forget It Member

    I'm in college and this will by my fifth and last year. I was planning on going on to grad. school, but reality hit me in the face, so not only will I not be going for a further education, but I'm dropping out completely. Up until now, I've been a good student with a 3.0 G.P.A. and I was understanding the material with ease. However, I have to take three classes of statistics and a quantitative reasoning class. Math and computer programming are my worst subjects and my major and my primary focu in partciular don't have much to do with math or computer programming. I had my first statistics class the other day and I'm already behind based on the placement test and I don't understand the material. It's not like I can get extra help because I'll never be competent enough to do that work on exams and this is the easiest of the three statistics classes I have to take. The same goes for quantitative reasoning. I avoided these classes all these years, but now I know it was never realistic for me to undergo this path.

    I've always been depressed, but now it's gotten to the point where I can't see myself going on. My parents will probably be devestated when I break the news, which makes this situation that much worse. I do plan on ending my life. I work part time and after I receive a few more paychecks and obtain a gun permit, I'm going to buy a gun and shoot myself in the mouth or side of the head. I could barely get through the day. If I have to go on, I don't know what I'm going to do. Suicide seems like the best option because my life is just getting worse.

    I care nothing for making friends or having a romantic relationship. I've read people saying the same thing, but they feel depressed when they see others socializing and having relationships. I was like them at one point, but now, I've travelled beyond that and feel nothing when I see other people having social lives.

    I'm tired a lot.

    I don't have hope for the future.

    I stopped caring about most things. I'm not assertive and I drift through life.

    All of this has doubled since dropping out of school.
     
  2. Forget It

    Forget It Member

    I'll keep you informed on when I get the gun and permit, etc.
     
  3. painsource

    painsource Well-Known Member

    Whats up.If you were able to pass these classes would you still want to commit suicide?
     
  4. Forget It

    Forget It Member

    That's quite a "what if" question. I've always been near the line of wanting to commit suicide -- even when I thought life was worth living, suicide was still an option, but this life-changing event has certainly pushed me over the edge. I have options and other interests in life, but my depression has intensified.
     
  5. painsource

    painsource Well-Known Member

    Now lets say you passed these classes and then got yourself a great job because of your degree.That would push suicide back even further.:biggrin: You should do whatever you have to to pass!!!
     
  6. Forget It

    Forget It Member

    It's not that simple. Everyone has weaknesses and sometimes it's impossible to succeed in a particular area. Even if I do pass, I may not get into graduate school, and even if I did, I may not succeed there. I face too many walls in this line of work, so I'll try to succeed at something else. I'll pursue one more thing and if I'm not successful, I'll turn to suicide, but I might kill myself, anyways.
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm... well I am no college adviser... but I would have recommended that you take 1 of your worst subjects a semester or year... but I am not your college adviser.

    It is funny really your end seems almost fitting.... most people refer to suicide as giving up on life. I won't tell you to not give up, but I will leave you with advice... when the time comes to end your life you might wuss out... I know I have wussed out many times.... but unfortunately I have not yet gotten the convinced of a <Method> and even when I do I might wuss out... so the way I see things is simple really. If I am going to be miserable I might as well be comfortable... I mean in a materialistic sense. I have a bed to sleep on a roof over my head food to eat video games and internet to keep my mind off the shitty world outside.

    And completing college is a way for me to get that. But that is me.

    So ummm question.. how did you make yourself get beyond socializing? You know to not need friends or loved individuals..? It is really like this annoying itch that I feel lonely... don't get me wrong I have never had a true friend or a "Romantic" relationship. I am to inferior to have those... but the want is still there so I want to know how to get rid of the feeling... I have tried not caring.. but unless I hide in a dark room for 3 years with no distractions it does not work.
     
  8. painsource

    painsource Well-Known Member

    You ever consider cheating?Do a google search on percentage of college students that admitted to cheating.If my existence depended on me passing a class or not I would definately consider that option!Good luck.
     
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmm indeed... I do the good kind of cheating... it is called studying.
     
  10. joce

    joce Active Member

    Don't live your life for your parents. They've had their time and now it's up to you to do whatever you want. As for exams - why should we measure success or failure by how many ologies or whatever we obtain. I'm not saying money is not important but as Forgotten Man says as long as you have the internet a roof over your head and food to eat, you can somehow get by. Let's forget about what others think of us. I do think your depression may be due to stress. You may just need a break in your studies. Cheat, run away do whatever, but please don't kill yourself.
     
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