So, I don't know where to start, it seems that for the past year or so I have lurched from one crisis to another and no matter how often I think it can't get any worse, it does! Last June I took a large OD (nearly worked and I'm still PO that it didn't.) and ended up on the psych ward after ICU. While I was in my psychiatrist wrote to my employer saying that she didn't think that I was fit to work at that time, my employer went overboard, put me on unpaid leave and contacted our professional body to try and get me removed from the register. I met with the professional body (in Dec after 7months of unpaid leave) and they stated that they thought that I was fit to work and recommended that I return to work on a gradual return and be regularly supported. Work didn't agree and wanted me to go and see a third independent psychiatrist. By this point I was totally fed up and couldn't think that I would ever want to return to work so I handed in my notice. After spending so long on unpaid leave I couldn't afford to keep up with all my bills (and I couldn't drive because when I OD I had a couple of siezures so I am relying on others to take me everywhere) I had to declare myself bankrupt in Dec and the bank has just sold my house and I have to be out by the end of the month. After Christmas I split up with my partner (this was fine, it wasn't working and I wasn't happy anyway), my horse that I had had for 14yrs (and who was my 'baby') died and my ex-partner moved back to the area and has been staying with me along with her pony and dog (this is fine, we split up 5yrs ago and were together for 14yrs) now I feel really bad that we both have to get out of the house and only have a couple of weeks to find somewhere else to live. I have somewhere I can go with my horse and dog but I am going to have to get rid of my two cats because they can't go with me. I last OD about 4 weeks ago, the amount of SHing that I have been doing has increased (44 staples last time - ouch!) I have been using respite on the psych ward and have been seeing a counsellor weekly ( she is away for 6 weeks now). I have been refered to a theraputic community and have heard today that I am top of the list although this doesn't mean that there will be a bed in the forseeable future, if I am offered a place I will accept it but then I might have to stop doing the online course in animal care that I am doing. Also the place where the bed is is at least 3hrs away from any of my family and friends and I would miss my dog and horse terribly, stays at the TC appear to be in the region of several months to a year, not weeks, and I'm really scared of going. And just to top it all off, my best friend is incredibly stressed atm and was crying on my shoulder the other day and said that I cannot kill myself or do 'anything' while she is away as it would be too much for her to cope with - now I feel angry at her for 'stopping me' doing what I want to do. So, I don't know if any of that made sense. If you managed to read your way through it, well done and thank you. Imp. If this is in the wrong place please feel free to move it.