My life is a mess

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anuj, Dec 12, 2012.

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  1. anuj

    anuj Active Member

    Its complete mess. I take 4 sleeping pills for a normal sleep. And to concentrate in work during morning, i take another pills. I cut, drink. I am waiting for my <Mod Edit:CocaCola:Methods>, then i will commit. Even if i don't i will die in next 10 years. I don't know what to do in professional life. I am doing some good job. But don't know why? I don't deserve to live .
    I told regarding this to my flat mate. He is more concerned with how to handle situation if I die, instead of saving me. I told me to tell all this to someone who care about me. But there is noone. :-(
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 12, 2012
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    There is one person who is supposed to care, and that is you yourself. The cutting and the drinking are not positive things, so perhaps add something positive to replace them? Why is it that you do not deserve to live? Do you perform horrible crimes that hurt other people to extremes? Of course not. To find value in your life, you must first find value within yourself. It sounds like you are employed, so you have avenues ahead to succeed. Have you tried to create a wellness plan for yourself rather than planning for demise?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The only one that can safe you is YOU h un don't put that pressure on someone else hun that is not fair. You can reach out to your doctor you can reach out to crisis line community care someone who has the professional expertise to help you IT is you though hun that have to do that ok reach out and get the support and help YOU DESERVE hugs
  4. anuj

    anuj Active Member

    Yeah you both are correct. Noone should help me. I had a plan to commit. Good bye.
  5. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    Anuj please reach out for help :hug:
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    If we are correct, why do you not at least listen to what we have to say rather than take something out of context? Wellness requires the same amount of planning as death... perhaps far more.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    I take as many sleeping pills as you and have to take pills during the day too-I know , not fun, but sometimes it is necessary until we recover, then we can reduce :) Are any of the meds helping you feel any better?
  8. anuj

    anuj Active Member

    i just don't want to live. We are human. Its not necessary that we always make rational decision. Why I need to proof in this case only, but make stupid decisions on other fronts. Its like implementing rule for the effect but not the cause. If people used to live following every rule and more importantly principles, values. Then this situation might not had arrived. I just posted a message on this site immediatly 4-5 replies. What about someone who don't want to die, but don't have option.
    They die of hunger, other army, terrorist etc forces kills them.
    Ideally noone should live the way we live.
    I have been to doc and therapy for last 5 months. But i need a new prospective. Why we so emphasis on suicide instead of natural deaths due to hunger. I agree most of the time it is due to disease. But what about people dying without any disease.
    I work for atleast 10 hrs a day had also worked for 14. I enjoy my work. But i can't be in office 24 hrs. Also there is no broader prospective in work. There is nothing. Its like i know something and i do that. And when i go wrong people laugh at me.

    Its also like what will i do if i kept myself alive.
  9. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    anuj - hi :) You say you need a new perspective. I think that's right. I know when I was suicidal it was because I had the totally wrong perspective. I have since had to re-train my thinking and now I know I'm on the right course, by the grace of God - even when I certainly did not deserve it.

    But a new perspective is always, always available to you. I hope you can believe that :)
  10. anuj

    anuj Active Member

    to hell with everyone.i will commit
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