my life is coming to an end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ihatemyfamily, Jul 17, 2010.

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  1. Ihatemyfamily

    Ihatemyfamily Member

    Thought id share myself with you..people that are in the same situation as me so will prob understand more than any 'outsiders'..

    Ive been planning my suicide for a lil while now..things have got 2 much for me,it's been so long that the pain is unbearable and more pressure gets added everyday..

    15 years ago my brother abused my daughter but none of my family cared,all they wanted was to stick by him and try help him get out of it with their lies to the court that they did just that..they helped him get off..

    some say he didnt do it and my child was a lying 5 yr old but il tell you something for a fact..I know it happened to her because i walked in on it..i saw it with my own eyes..

    i shouldve killed him there and then but the shock nearly killed me.

    my world fell apart..

    so much has gone on over the years with other accusations of him but no sentence whatsoever..

    i cut my whole family off..

    my daughter is now grown up and says she can live with it but if she ever comes across him she will kill him..

    lots of other things have been happening in my life over the years,some horrible things and im just going to get myself out of it and rest in heaven or maybe hell if i go there..who knows..who cares..when youre gone youre gone..

    not too far away now as i have just started going to the doctors to get sleeping pills for my planned exit..

    a few more weeks and im sure ill have enough..i have about 30 at the moment but i dont want to take them and them be able to bring me back or leave me in a vegetative thanx..the strengths are going up each time i go back as i fob them off theyr not actually smiling while i write this knowing its going to end soon..

    i have made sure that i have written letters to a few that have touched my heart along the just thinking wetha to take a hold of the paedo n take him with ..
    afterall he the 1 that fcuked my brains that would be the best way and he cant harm anymore lives :eek:)
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you must remain strong.
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Your anger is completely justified. What they did was wrong, and completely unacceptable.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry this happened to you and your wonder you are angry....
    I would feel the same way about wanting him gone...
    do you realize though that if you take your life that your daughter will suffer more trauma and losing a parent to suicide will totally ruin her life ....
    your daughter says she is able to live with what happened but I doubt she will live with both the abuse and your suicide...
    being a suicide survivor is hell...
    maybe better to stay and be there for her and seek some help for yourself from a doc and/or therapist...
  5. Ihatemyfamily

    Ihatemyfamily Member

    itz ok iv talked to my daughter and although she wudnt want me to die she has seen me destroyed over the yearz and knows its the only way for my peace..i have flashbacks and nightmares..she knows what i want and she is understanding..
    we dont live near anymore and she is living her life to the full..maybe the wrong way but shes young and hopefully will sort herself out before time..i cant help her and she cant help me..i only have her so it makes things a little easier..she has lots of close friends so i know she will get thru..
    thanx for your msg tho..i kno ur only trying to help and im here to help you all understand how it is
    have a nice weekend :eek:)
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. First of all, I'd like to say that I'm deeply sorry that your brother sexually abused your daughter and that your relatives believed him instead of you and your daughter. I know that dealing with all of that must have been a traumatic experience for both you and your daughter. But if your daughter can put the past behind her and move on with her life, why shouldn't you do the same?

    Don't let the actions of your pedophile brother ruin your life and cause you to end your life. He is a sexual predator and deserves to be punished, but not by death. A severe beating might be appropriate punishment for him...

    You deserve to have a loving relationship with your now adult daughter, and she still needs you even though she is all grown up. Please don't overdose on those sleeping pills. You will just cause organ damage and will likely wake up in the emergency room. Don't give up man. :hug:
  7. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Im very sorry for the htings youve been through. I am praying for you and hope you do too. You might need post traumatic stress therapy. EMDR and Tapping are amung the best. PLEASE seek out people that use these techniques. I so sorry about your daughter. You need to sat for her. PLEASE dont hurt yourself or anyone else.PLEASE. Youve been through so much, you deserve happiness. We will help and be your friends!!!!

    Write me,

  8. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for what happened to your daughter. I'm also sorry that you had to walk in on it. If you hadn't walked in on it, though, it might have continued. I'm sure you've thought about that. Life can just be cruel in so many ways. I don't have much to say. I just hope you can find something to give you some sense of peace in your life, something to keep you here.
  9. Ihatemyfamily

    Ihatemyfamily Member

    Thanx for all your the person who said cant i just do the same and move on like my daughter did..well the answer is,I cant..iv tryed so hard,iv had counselling and counselling and more counselling from diff counsellors and nothing makes it easier..
    its something i decided to do a long while ago..i said id stick around till my girl got older although i didnt want to..there has been many othr things in my life that has made me want to end it too but this is here everyday and nothing i do or try makes it go not fighting it anymore,iv had enough.

    Im actually content with th fact now that its all going to end feeling a little relief already as i kno my hell is comin to an end..whereas b4 it was like,.oh God,another day 2 gt thru,please make me die..

    I dont even care if the paedo brother of mine is happy with my decision or that people think i let him win..its not a not staying around just for that.

    anyway people or can i call u my friends,all keep strong n smiling..i like to read ur good days.
  10. vix82

    vix82 New Member

    Your daughter is living life to the full now but she will pass this stage, meet someone and settle down. If you do it, she may begin to regret accepting your suicide when she wishes with all her heart that you were there to watch her children grow up.

    You are stronger than what you realise. You stopped your brother abusing your daughter, coped through a very stressful court case and obviously did your best for your daughter as she is living her life after experiencing one of the worst acts that could ever happen.

    I lost my Dad 18 months ago to suicide when my son was 8 months old. Everyday i watch my son play and he is a miniature version of my Dad. Not a minute passes without me wishing that my Dad was still here to watch his grandchildren grow up. For what you have gone through, you deserve to watch your daughter grow into the woman you have always hoped for, and be content in the thought that you protected her to the best of your ability.

    As for the rest of your family, they will receive their punishment in some form, even if it isn't through our justice system.

    Don't let your family beat you! Some days you probably feel like you don't have the energy to even breathe but you have come so far. Stick two fingers up to them and try and be as happy as you can. x
  11. Ihatemyfamily

    Ihatemyfamily Member

    thankyou for your touching msg and i know it is right in a way what you are saying but i was going to do this a long time ago when my own child was young but i vowed to keep alive(not living)until she was 21..

    for the past 15 years i have sat on my own having cut all my family off and majority of friends sh*t on me too 1 way or another so i stayed in and only had to go out when i HAD to..
    I cant change my lifestyle,its too hard now

    Im sorry but i cannot go on any too tired x
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