im 21 and i am a social outcaste ever since the day i was born and i was heavily bullied in the last 3 years or so. i was sexually abused at 6. this has totally disturbed my mental process on sexual issues. i do things which are not normal and not publically accepted(i haven't harmed anyone though)there are a lot of rumors (really embarassing related to sexuality and they are true)i left my first job because of this harassment.i run away from people because i fear their judgement. i just wish i was normal. recently, one of my worst dreams have come true. i have been admitted to masters of computer science program at drexel university which means i have to face demons of my past once again. i was hoping that i would be admitted elsewhere where there was no one who knew me. the school is full of people who bullied me back in college. i fear that once i reach the place (im an international student) the rumor mongering will start again. first in groups of 5-6 and later everyone will join in. i think it would have been better if god had ordained death upon me.theres no point in living like this.