my life is going to end soon

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Ihatemyfamily, Jul 17, 2010.

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  1. Ihatemyfamily

    Ihatemyfamily Member

    Thought id share myself with you..people that are in the same situation as me so will prob understand more than any 'outsiders'..

    Ive been planning my suicide for a lil while now..things have got 2 much for me,it's been so long that the pain is unbearable and more pressure gets added everyday..

    15 years ago my brother abused my daughter but none of my family cared,all they wanted was to stick by him and try help him get out of it with their lies to the court that they did just that..they helped him get off..

    some say he didnt do it and my child was a lying 5 yr old but il tell you something for a fact..I know it happened to her because i walked in on it..i saw it with my own eyes..

    i shouldve killed him there and then but the shock nearly killed me.

    my world fell apart..

    so much has gone on over the years with other accusations of him but no sentence whatsoever..

    i cut my whole family off..

    my daughter is now grown up and says she can live with it but if she ever comes across him she will kill him..

    lots of other things have been happening in my life over the years,some horrible things and im just going to get myself out of it and rest in heaven or maybe hell if i go there..who knows..who cares..when youre gone youre gone..

    not too far away now as i have just started going to the doctors to get sleeping pills for my planned exit..

    a few more weeks and im sure ill have enough..i have about 30 at the moment but i dont want to take them and them be able to bring me back or leave me in a vegetative state..no thanx..the strengths are going up each time i go back as i fob them off theyr not working..im actually smiling while i write this knowing its going to end soon..

    i have made sure that i have written letters to a few that have touched my heart along the way..im just thinking wetha to take a hold of the paedo n take him with me..lol ..
    afterall he the 1 that fcuked my brains up..now that would be the best way and he cant harm anymore lives :eek:)
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    your daughter it is abt her don't cause her anymore pain you are suffering yes then go to a new doctor okay but don't cause more pain for your daughter not this way. i too want to go and take my daughter with me but i know i know this is dam depression talking please get help okay don't harm her anymore you are the only one she has to stand by her
     
  3. Ihatemyfamily

    Ihatemyfamily Member

    itz ok iv talked to my daughter and although she wudnt want me to die she has seen me destroyed over the yearz and knows its the only way for my peace..i have flashbacks and nightmares..she knows what i want and she is understanding..
    we dont live near anymore and she is living her life to the full..maybe the wrong way but shes young and hopefully will sort herself out before time..i cant help her and she cant help me..i only have her so it makes things a little easier..she has lots of close friends so i know she will get thru..
    thanx for your msg tho..i kno ur only trying to help and im here to help you all understand how it is
    have a nice weekend :eek:)
     
  4. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Move as far away from your brother as you can. If your daughter is still alive I think it would be best to still be here on this Earth for her. How about instead of ending your life you make it your life's goal to help others who are going through what you're going through?

    There are a lot of charities/organisations out there who are short of volunteers, for example ones for the disabled or others than also need 24 carers. Why don't you do something that will benefit others?

    Let me know what you think. It sounds horrible what you're going through. But you can still do other stuff with your life other than suicide or murder.
     
  5. no point

    no point Well-Known Member

    Why don't you get help for your depression? You say your daughter understands but how do you think she would feel if you commit suicide? That would be devastating for her. Please get help!
     
  6. BukanAyu

    BukanAyu Member

    If you truely love your daughter...
     
  7. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Comitting suicide will mess your daughter up! Please think of her, and how much you love her! Talk out your feeling and thoughts here it will help, it will get better. Your just in a deep depression right now! Things in life hurt real bad but, you took a step by comming to this site. Lean on this site. So many people understand more then you know! Please just think of your daughter, if you leave she will have no one, having friends isn't the same. They can't give the need that family can. She has you and only you. When your feeling down come talk enytime, ever time!
     
  8. quicksilver

    quicksilver Member

    you may have heard this before, but you're actually being selfish. you're going to kill yourself for something that happened to your daughter? even though she's willing to live with it?

    if you kill yourself, she'll think you did it because of what happened to her, in effect, you're telling her that SHE KILLED YOU

    fuck you, i hope other survivors of abuse will chime in here
     
  9. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Your teaching your daughter that suicide is the option to fix problems, that can be helped other wise! Think of that!
     
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