My Life Is Gone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, May 23, 2012.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I used to think that if I did it, people would miss me. Most of them I now know wouldn't care one bit. The folks at church would care, the band would care, my wife would care, only because her money train would end.

    My sister is a bitch. I have disowned her. She publically attempted to assignate my character yesterday on facebook.

    My wife disrepects me most days. Even my children no longer show proper respect.

    I had a choice several years ago to stay with my family or to move into a new life. A new life of hope and chance.

    I did what i thought was the right thing, by remaining to be a father, remaining to be a husband.

    Nowadays, I literally have no money. Friends have gathered together to pay our natural gas bill so we can get service back on in the home. But at what cost? We have no food, we are deeper in debt by the minute. I have bill collectors hounding me, hourly. My wife refuses to give me some of MY OWN MONEY to pay them.

    At least I take solice in the fact that I have a method and a choice.

    I could take my next paycheck, a hop a train to go see and live with a long lost friend, and abandon all this crap forever. But I know, they would find me. Bill collectors are good that way.

    So that really leaves just one choice.
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Bill collectors have zero real power. They can only use intimidation to make people think they have control. Don't let that have any influence upon your decisions. Really. It's not good to be in debt, and paying off bills is of course the right thing to do, but there is no spilt milk to clean up if you don't. Honestly, ignore that as a contributing factor in any decisions that you make.
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    pickwithaustin is 100% correct, bill collectors are just vultures who will hover around waiting for you to give in, but they CANNOT make you do anything. Financially, it is always possible to wipe the slate clean and start over again. This is not the case when it comes to life itself.

    I am also myself unhappily married, and I too had a chance to leave for a new life. I did the same as you, I chose to do the "honorable" thing by staying with my wife, and I have regretted that decision every day since. I wish I still had the option to leave to be with my own "long lost friend", but in my case, she is lost for good. I know people will say that you should stay for the sake of your family, but it's your life and it's far more important that you are alive and happy. Not just for your sake, but for your childrens' sake as well. Yes, abandoning them will hurt. But it will hurt them more if you commit suicide. At least if you leave, you still have the option of communicating with them, making them understand why you did what you did, and knowing that they may forgive you some day.

    Ultimately, you have to do what makes YOU happy. You want my advice? I say, leave and go be with your long lost friend. If the bill collectors find you, tell them to go fuck themselves.
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