My life is gonna officially end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KPT monster, Nov 10, 2006.

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  1. KPT monster

    KPT monster Member

    Ok so i just wanted one last try at trying to get help. Here is my problem, why should I suffer, when all, and literally ALL my problems will be solved instantly. I suck at school, Im pretty young and im lookin at colleges and i know i cant go to any college cuase im maintaing a 1.6 gpa. There is only ONE thing that i like and my parents take it away from me all the time. I feel really weird, i feel like i have some problem cuase im always uptight and worried about what people think of me, worried about irrational things (ex. if i wanna go somewhere one the weekend, im worried the person who will take me will die, the place will burn down or be destroyed). If i touch something and it doesnt feel right, i have to go back and touch it again until i get it right. I have no freinds, I get mad, and i mean RAGING mad in an instant. My parents yell at me all the time and one of them is just plain weird and embarrasing. I have chronic pain in my knees where sometimes i can barly stand yet alone walk or run. sometimes it gets so bad i can barly stand it so i usuallly lay down and its hurts so bad i cant do any work so i have lots of missing work and get told im lazyI have no freinds and have nothing going for me. I dont want to be this way, ive tried changing. Ive also tried talking to my parents which resulted in "stop being crazy" or when i talk about suicide in an attempt to try and get help i was told to "do it"

    so i finally am.
     
  2. Maja

    Maja Member

    Hey!

    I'm so glad you did make one more attempt to reach out. Sorry that it's taken so long for you to get a reply.

    It sounds like there are a lot of things that aren't going well in your life right now. When you have so much going on it's completely normal to feel as overhwelmed as you do right now!!

    I don't want to read too much into what you are saying but have you ever talked to a professional about your anxieties and your compulsions? It sounds to me like maybe you are dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder. It's one of the most challenging diagnoses a person can face but it is something that there is help for. How would you feel talking to a doctor or counsellor about the anxiety that you are experiencing?

    Like I said, I am glad you chose to post today. The fact that you are making one more attempt to get support tells me that you are still really undecided about committing suicide. This is a really good thing - you can work with that! What is keeping you here? What is pulling you towards the life side of your struggle?

    I hope that you post again. Everyone needs support once in a while and this is a safe place for you to let it all out!

    Take care!
     
  3. Cattle_d

    Cattle_d Active Member


    Hey KPT monster.. sometimes have thoughts similar to the ones you have.. like these really destructive thoughts such as,, people dying and things being destroyed or crazy things, like if i see a baby i have these automatic thoughts that just push themselves into my mind of the baby being hit by a car or something horrible like that. I have sort of learned to just ignore those.. i guess that one thing to think of is that you can't really control your thoughts but you can control your actions (yeah, i know,, sometimes)..
    Anyway, my discontent with life is neverending.
    I guess that all i am trying to convey in this message is that you are not alone and that i am thinking about you and i hope that you are ok.

    Anna
     
  4. flclempire

    flclempire Well-Known Member

    you have ocd u say? i do too but its with my breathing lol, i have to breath in the right sequence/rythme/strength or i have to repeat that breathe til i get it right and i almost pass out sometimes because of it. Don't ask why i do it i just have to. But when i start doing it i just focus on my breathing super hard taking huge breathes in and out and the urge leaves. About your parents and school...I suggest taking simple steps, they may not be minor changes but sometimes the easiest answers are the best. I suggest perhaps moving away as soon as you can or hanging out somewhere other than your home during the day (if you cant talk it out with ur parents first of course) and I really want to stress this...School isnt everything.
    I used to think it was the most important thing as well but...the only time i was really happy was when i was not in school. After high school perhaps you should just not go to college! Do you really need tons of money to buy new cars and a big house that you wont use fully? I'd hope not =/ I suggest getting REAL knowledge instead of college knowledge. Apprentice yourself if you can, I suggest you get a REAL job that actually matters if you go in every (other :p ) day. Instead of going to college to to get a soul numbing desk job perhaps you should get a job where you have to do actual labor and get your hands dirty, im not going to suggest construction or anything cuz that stuff will wreck your body in no time. Anyways where was i...i kinda ramble like this sometimes...well if anything i suggest you just "chill" out often, things will wait for you and if they dont-too bad life goes on. Its a games that you may play however you wish :)
    EDIT: i just read that ppl told you to go ahead and off yourself when u tried to get help..i suggest revenge..and i allowed to recommend revenge here? and im serious it would probably be fr the best :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 11, 2006
  5. KPT monster

    KPT monster Member

    thanks to everyone that tried to help. I really dont know whats keeping me here, i guess i still may have some hope. Thanks to everyone
     
  6. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    My mom tells me that too, when I say I want to commit suicide and need help. She screams at me for no reason. I can relate to what yer going throu.
     
  7. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    How are you doing?

    I'm glad you've found this site. A few observations. It's possible you have a degenerative arthristis condition. I have a younger nephew, about 20, who has similar trouble with his knees and he is on medication to slow the process down. With treatment, you can heal some of the damage already happening to your knees and you can beat this. I highly encourage you to see your general doctor, or just walk into any clinic and ask to see a Dr., and let them know about the trouble your having with your knees.

    Next, many of the symptoms you have mentioned in your original post can be treated with medication. it may seem hard to believe because you have been struggling under these emotional burdens for a long time.. but there is help. You can lower your anxiety, become more calm in a crowd and less paranoid, stop repetitive habits where you feel you have to go back and do it again and again to be certain.

    Are you currently seeing a Dr. for these symptoms? It may seem scary, going to a psychiatrist and telling them everything you told us, but it's better and easier than taking your own life isn't it. And there is hope. hope for a better hereafter.

    I'm glad you found our site and I want to encourage you to keep talking to us. And to reassure you that things can turn around.

    Please think about this.. when you feel like you have nothing to loose.. when you've reached the bottom of the barrel, it's time to make a change. But not suicide. Life is something to loose.

    Instead, this is the time to take new chances... call the suicide hotline, come back on line and let us know how your doing. If you feel like you just can't resist the suicidal urges, call 911 or go to the ER.

    Because having suicidal thoughts does not mean you have no choice, it does not mean your life has reached a point of such desperation that there is no other path. Suicidal thinking happens when your up against a wall and your mind can't think of any other course. Thats why I'm glad you've come to this site. We have a lot of members with a lot of experience about being in a spot similar to yours now... and there is a way out worth living for.

    Tell us your situation. Trust me, let it out.

    There are other paths.

    Talk to us.
     
  8. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    sending support... i think the most ... inportant thing you said is that you are young... the one thing to remember is that being yourng is an advantage...you are like newly shaped clay... if you dislike the shape your life is taking.. it can be reshaped.... you have the power within you... hugs..
     
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