My life is in a rutt

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, Jan 15, 2010.

  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Im so bored with my life. Its funny because I use to never get bored at all. Im on a very low and limited budget. Im sick of pushing the cart thru the stores in the same pattern buying the same items every time only stepping out of routin to occasionally buy a $1 pack of pens or pad of paper. Im sick of only leaving the house to buy groceries, buy pet food, or attend a doctors appointment with my son. Im sick of never having money to eat out in a decent place or buy new shoes... I just cant seem to be content with my shitty life... Im not happy cleaning, cooking, washing laundery, watching tv, and routinly pushing a cart thru a store twice in a whole freaking month......... If anyone else here deals with no money and no way to get more money and can manage a content feeling with life please tell me how you do it.
    I try I do..I like a clean house but my house is old, its falling apart at its seems, its drafty, and its impossible to keep clean. So I fall into a 'why bother' attitude. I could clean it to spotless and turn around twice and then it would be filthy again...I cant enjoy clean if everyone messes it back up...
    I write to penpals (its my great link to the outside world..the only thing I look forward to on a regular basis)..I can never buy enough stamps and I feel guilty when I do buy stamps if Im straight honest about it.. I even compramize and buy paper, pens, and stickers from the dollar stores..
    I love to read but feel guilty for a book or a magazine purchase.. I freebie my days away (ordering free samples online)...
    I buy cheap groceries and feel guilty for buying something that costs more then $4 in the grocery store.. I end up canceling home service food orders and not placing discount food orders thru this local group because Im scared to death we wont be able to pick them up for some reason.
    Im home most all of the time and feel guilty for having expencive tv service..We have cell phones for when we are out because we travel long distances for doctors and I feel like shit bc they are expencive..
    I try to do things to make life comfortable and make myself content but its hard...I just cant seem to be happy with what I have. My husband says I could have the world at my feet and Id still be unhappy..Maybe hes right.
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    I'm the same way, but a lot less forgiving of this shit than you. It's a god damned abomination because there are billions of other people in the world who would die for the little crap that we have. I think it's our culture that embeds in us that the bare necessities are not enough to live a comfortable and content life; we always want more. When people come into our home from poor nations, they think it's a luxury to have carpet, a mattress, and a working toilet. Not to mention what they think of us having clear running water and electricity.
  3. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I dont have carpet or a working toilet. I have some tile down and a lot of bare wood showing (which is actually ply wood so I wouldnt call it real wood). The toilets been broke since we moved in - have to flush it with a bucket full of water. My matteress is old, has a hole big enough to loose a small dog..
    But you have a point..It is our culture that makes us feel this way. We see people doing better off then we are. We see big houses, nice cars, new clothes, and all kinds of things us poor people can barely even day dream about having. Those better off poke fun and make us feel like we are less because we have less... When everyone around you has a new (or newish car), a better home, better clothes, better food, more money, and get out a lot when you rarely leave its hard to feel content.. And if you ask me impossible to be comfortable when you set at home hungry because your saving the little food in the house, wearing a sweater indoors because your heat doesnt work right, and all the other crap that makes daily life hell to get thru..I do wish everyone in this world could be equal..If I had a lot Id give some to those who had less...SO dont think Im complaining to be complaining..I know Im lucky to have a roof over my head - even if its crappy..Food to eat - even though its not always much...I just wish it wasnt such a daily struggle.. Id like to be equal to those who have money and can get what they need and even what they want...