My life is just falling apart..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by youaremydemise, Nov 10, 2011.

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  1. youaremydemise

    youaremydemise New Member

    So I know to some people my problems may not seem like nothing at all, and I know people probably have worser problems.. but my problems are hard and they are painful to me.

    I've heard voices almost everyday, every hour for the last 3 or 4 years. They've always brought me down, put me in bad places.

    Then a girl came along, she is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever laid eyes on. She is the only person who outside my first family who I've told about it. We've been together for 6 months. Recently she's been going through a rebellious period, doing loads of drugs, letting me down, treating both me and her mum not as well as she used too. See, the thing is.. We had plans. So many plans, but right now she just always seems to choose someone else. And it feels like she can't let them down, but she can with me. We planned to go on holiday next summer, relationship or not. A guy, lets call him teddy (this isn't his name) comes along and her and him are blazing all the time, and he offers a trip to crete. Free villa, etc. I get thrown out of the holiday thing completely. Then just ever since, in the last month of so she always chooses him. Prefers to let you down, rather than letting him down.

    I guess to you guys its rather stupid, but there is so much more stuff like this. And all though it may not seem it, I feel like shit all of the time. I've tried to kill myself, she's stopped me once. The other time I just couldn't go through it because I hadn't properly said goodbye to her.

    Thing you've got to know with me, is I stick by people. No matter how shit get treated, I stick by people. The thought of leaving someone sickens me because I've been left so much in the past. I also get very attached, but I don't usually show it but with her I do and everyone just thinks I'm clingy but its because the way she's been treating me I just seem to show it.

    I don't know, I just need someone to talk to. Who can actually understand me, and who won't judge me that so much of my pain is based around love. The worst thing in all of this, is that my voices make me so much more paranoid and it just throws me in a whirlwind of pain.

    Thanks, If you actually read this.
    Jess - youaremydemise
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Jess and welcome,

    Have you considered or attended counseling sessions in the past? Please know that your voice is being heard here.

    ~ Speedy
  3. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    If she knows this, then that is probably why she treats you the way she does, she knows that no matter what you're still gonna be there for her, which makes you sound like a great guy but at the same time makes you a bit of fool (no offense intended). If it were me in your shoes i'd let her know that her behaviour is hurting you and if she's not willing to compromise then perhaps it's time to call it a day.
    Councelling is an option but i personally never find it helpful and i always imagine that my partner will just blame me for their behaviour.
  4. youaremydemise

    youaremydemise New Member

    I'm a girl by the way :)
    I've told her, and I just know shes going throught a lot and its juts not going well for me at the moment. I've tried counselling, it never works for me. They treat me like a child, and I hate it :/
    I just don't want to do life anymore.
  5. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF. I am sorry you are feeling so badly.

    I think someone else asked, but have you sought professional help? It can make a world of difference.

    We are here to support and encourage you and I'm glad you found us.
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