My life is not worth living

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by maths, Feb 8, 2012.

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  1. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    I take up space and resources that should be allocated to others. I'm a fraud. I can't do my job. And I am completely alone and unlovable. I just can't go on. I want to give all my things away. Have my food, have my money, take my clothes, whoever wants these things, please please please take them you are so much more deserving then I, waste of flesh that I am.

    I had the opportunity to tell someone I am not okay, but I couldn't do that to him. So I lied and said I was happy.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 8, 2012
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hi maths.. you are wrong.. as long as you are conscious and still breathing you have a right to your space and life... that is your right given by the creator.. what is going on to put your mind in this very uncomfortable position currently??? maybe is time for some counseling and therapy bu a professional now.. ok , you are going to say there is no hope and i do not have a right to keep living.. well that is just your belief currently.. speaking personally having myself dwelt at the bottom myself for extended periods of time, things can change and get better for anyone..

    call a crisis line and talk with them.. talk to your doctor and try to get some help now.. small steps at first are much better thru this crippling and paralyzing depression condition, take the steps to get some help.. tc, Jim
     
  3. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    No-one is a waste of space Maths. You say you are unlovable, who has told you this?
    What do you work at, that you feel a fraud at?
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun you are so deserving of care of compassion understanding and healing Just dam depression distorting your thoughts to make you think elsewise hun You are IMPORTANT ok never not believe that hugs
     
  5. sucidalgirl99

    sucidalgirl99 Well-Known Member

    You're important and deserving of compassion.
     
  6. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    I am doing a PhD in mathematics. But who knows why, I am far too stupid to be here.
     
  7. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately I have just found out I have no health insurance for two months. So I can't see a doctor.
     
  8. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You are good enough at Mathematics, or you would not be there unless you really are there under false pretences.
    Sorry to hear about your insurance issues. I assume you cannot afford to go private?
     
  9. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    The university screwed up my contract so I will not be getting paid for two months and hence am also not covered for health insurance.
     
  10. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    I am so very very worthless. So very very worthless. Worthless worthless worthless.
     
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    They screwed up your contract then they should make it right YOU are not worthless far from it hugs
     
  12. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Maths, please do not say that, these things can get into the mind. You are not worthless, whatever has happened to make you feel like that ? Can you talk about when you began to feel this way?
     
  13. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    I've felt this way on and off but mosty on for years. At least ten. Probably more, I guess since around 2000 at least. I fundamentally pathetic and lazy. I try to do my work, I get frustrated, I want to put a rope around my neck. I am all alone, all alone. I am completely unlovable. Work goes badly and what do I have to look forward to? Going home alone, to loneliness. To more wasted time, just trying to waste the time away until I can go to sleep and repeat it all over again.
     
  14. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    I think I'll stop eating to punish myself for being so worthless. Although being a complete failure, I probably won't even manage that. Today I punched myself in the face. Oh how I love to punish myself. I deserve the worst. The worst!
     
  15. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    I am trying very hard not to terrorize my friends and family with these thoughts. Ah, the darkness!!! The dark thoughts! So cozy! Welcome back, how I missed you so. Tell me how worthless I am! I belong on the streets. If I belong anywhere at all.
     
  16. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Did anything happen around that time, that you think may have triggered feeling like this?
    What do the dark thoughts tell you?

    Please do not stop eating, its not good.
    Why do you feel unlovable?
     
  17. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    I think I was just made this way. I've always been bad at making friends, at least non-superficially, at least while not drunk.

    I was broken up with last April. It reminded me how worthless I am. How it didn't matter if I loved a person, ultimately I can't be accepted for who I am. Anyway, I'm over him, it doesn't matter. But I know I'll probably never have a family and that makes me sad. I'm already over 30. I move around a lot. It's rather hopeless.
     
  18. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    I ate after all. I have moments, here and there where I say: Don't do this! But they're few and further between these days. I was so very tired today thought I'd better eat, thought: Maybe this is just making things worse.
     
  19. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    Thank you for talking with me, Windlepoons of North Yorkshire. I can't tell this stuff to anyone, really. So it's appreciated. North Yorkshire is very nice; I once lived in England.
     
  20. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am sorry your relationship ended, and that they made you feel worthless. Why do you think you cannot be accepted?
    I am glad you ate. Those moments - do you mean that you think do not starve yourself, etc?
     
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