So I lost my job. Not just a job. My entire life. I worked on a cruise ship in hawaii. Was an officer. Had a great life. Was well respected and liked. Had so many friends. I surfed all the time. Worked out every day. Wrote music. Played chess. Read books. Loved the outdoors. Smiled and laughed all time. I worked there for six years. Helped build the ship and sailed it all over the world to hawaii. Everyone I know worked there. It was my entire social life. I lived and worked on it for 6 years. I took xanax my doctor prescribed for a streeful personal situation and wound up having awful side effects. I made a complete fool of myself and was hauled off to a mental institution. I spent 4 days in the ward. Going from work to that place in one second. From one action. I had a 6 figure job and a beautiful home in the hawaiian islands. I have now been fired. Now I can't even pay the electric bill. We are on food stamps. A wife and two kids. My wife is going to leave me. My kids are going to be homeless now. I can't find a job or even get unemployment. That ship was my entire life for six years. My world has been destroyed. All my coworkers and friends think I tried to kill myself at work. It has been six months and I haven't smiled or laughed once since it has happened. It just keeps getting worse. First can't pay the mortgage. Then can't pay the car payments. Now the medical bills. Now my health insurance is gone for my family. Can't even get a job at home depo after what I've done. I'm completely screwed and see no reason to live anymore. Had a great life and I threw it away completely. I'm so depressed and every day I want to die. Doctors don't help. Pills can't bring my life back. Nothing can. All by my own action. From taking stupid xanax. I was a happy fine person. Now I'm living in some nightmare. It seems it will never end. Next stop is the homeless shelter. I wake up screaming no all the time. My life is really finished. Tried church and god. Tried finding peace in nature. All I feel is loss and shame and misery. I really want to die now. I was prior military. A strong and proud man with a good family. I'm so lost and lonely and just completely broken. Going from being an office to a homeless person begging for money is worse than death. I say I will fight on but ther is no escape from this. I want the pain and misery to end now. No hope is the worst thig on earth. No direction and no chance. No money and no life. Really. What is there to live for after you lost everything? Self respect. Family. Employment. Friends. Home. Gone. What's left?