My life is pointless

[Ruby]

I'm a failure as a person. I failed myself, my family and life. I feel so depressed that it's unexplainable. I have nobody to talk to anymore so i'm alone in my thoughts. I'm worried about letting people know my true intentions for fear of being sent to a mental hospital. I see no hope, no future and feel like everything is going to get worse, not better. I think that I just wasn't meant to be born. I can't experience joy anymore, I can't feel, all my emotions have disappeared. I feel weak mentally and i'm not sure how much longer I can survive for. I just want to sleep forever and if that means that I have to seriously harm myself, then so be it. I don't even know why i'm writing this, I guess I just need to vent. I'm alone in my thoughts, i'm trapped inside my own head. I think i'm already dead in the sense that my personality has vanished. I'm merely a shadow of my former self. I don't know if this is depression, but it's beyond despair. I doubt i'll be alive for much longer.

 

[tired_baer]

Ruby,

I wish you the best in your struggle to battle the demons. I just joined this forum today, so I'm certainly no expert in terms of telling you what to do.

Somehow I hope you can find some peace in life, rather than death, and can find some reason to hang on. For me it's my wife and my dogs. Try your best to find something that at least puts a little bit of a smile on your face. I know it hurts, but do whatever it takes to get you out of your current state of mind. Go for a walk, call a friend, or whatever, but please try to break out of your current thought pattern.

I really hope you feel better!

 

[White Dove]

I'm a failure as a person. I failed myself, my family and life. I feel so depressed that it's unexplainable. I have nobody to talk to anymore so i'm alone in my thoughts. I'm worried about letting people know my true intentions for fear of being sent to a mental hospital. I see no hope, no future and feel like everything is going to get worse, not better. I think that I just wasn't meant to be born. I can't experience joy anymore, I can't feel, all my emotions have disappeared. I feel weak mentally and i'm not sure how much longer I can survive for. I just want to sleep forever and if that means that I have to seriously harm myself, then so be it. I don't even know why i'm writing this, I guess I just need to vent. I'm alone in my thoughts, i'm trapped inside my own head. I think i'm already dead in the sense that my personality has vanished. I'm merely a shadow of my former self. I don't know if this is depression, but it's beyond despair. I doubt i'll be alive for much longer.

You could have talked with me..

please dont do it???

You have a chance at life.. i dont .. i have cancer but you have a chance.. keep fighting.. i will say a prayer for you before i go tonight..:hug:

 

[confusedandblue]

Ruby, I could have written that post instead of the one I just did. I don't know what to tell you except that you're not alone in feeling like that. I don't want to tell anyone in my life because I know they'll worry and be upset. Being trapped inside one's own head is the worst, I know. It's hard for me to say "don't do anything rash, just try to get through one more night" when sometimes it's the last thing we feel like doing, but maybe just coming to this forum will help both of us.

 

[ace]

Ruby.Sweety yes it is the depression doing that to you and I've felt all the emotion's of depression.It's not you at all when I was really bad I felt just like you did,thing's have seemed to pick up and they can and will for you also.If you would like to talk we can anytime.:smile:

 

[shadi_saleh]

Have you ever seen a mental health professional? From the symptoms you are describing, such as anhedonia and feeling hopeless are signs of clinical depression. I'd recommend you see a psychiatrist.

Meanwhile, please don't act upon impulses. Try to hold on. The worst moments will come to pass. I know it doesn't seem like it, but believe me, and many others who are survivors here.

 

[Persephone]

You're describing clinical depression, alright. It is not you, it's your biochemistry. Please see your doctor. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist. Depression is such a common and such a treatable illness that just about any doctor can prescribe medication and follow up with you. Sounds like you could use some talk with a trained professional too because you're so alone. I know what that is like only too well. The same negative thoughts go around and around in your head no matter how you try to escape them. It's like being a rat on one of those silly wheels in their cages. Run run run and stay in place. It's quite dangerous for people like us. We think the only way out is suicide. That's not true. It's all a part of the illness.