my life is ruined

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by zanaelf, May 17, 2011.

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  1. zanaelf

    zanaelf Member

    I done this poem, since i have attempted suicide a week ago, because of rejection and banned from deviantart , where i had 800 artworks on zananeichan.deviantart.com ... people blocking and rejecting me because I am intersexed etc.. I have had it with life... it does not get better nor do people help... it all started when tigress.deviantart drew inbtersexed characters, i discovered a hidden secret about being mutilated at birth.. and got blocked and rejected from her and it grew worse and worse... having money problems, because my art gallery is shut on deviantart, my exhibition has been cancled because they could not review all my work, only see the stuff on the proposal... my life is ruined...


    The Silent Corner.

    I have been tossed in the silent dark corner,
    The vacuum of space, the coldness of heartlessness.
    The twilight of empathy, the evolution of agony.
    Why ? What did I do ? I make mistakes but why this ?
    I am am different, I was born this way…

    Why the rejection, why the punishment and suffering ?
    The threats and fears, the heartache and agony,
    To the point I attempt to end my life to cure the pain ?
    The suffering and pain, the isolation that always remains.
    A prison of mind, a prison of body, a prison for my consciousness.
    I have worked hard to be true to my consciousness…
    I cant handle rejection because of my clingy genetics...


    The pros of being XXY is we forgive easily..
    We are compassionate, we dont hold grudges for long...
    Make use of our pros rather than cons, stop discriminating please.
    Stop the isolation, rejection and neglect, please.. the more you do it
    The more we hurt, I dont like hurting people...even by mistake..
    As I don't like hurting people, please stop hurting me.


    Encapsulated from the rest or society I watch.
    Mouths moving, people appear to be gaping like fish in a tank.
    Silence unbearable, unable to read lips, ignored, blocked, isolated.
    Rejected, neglected, hurt with heartache and pain.
    I watch them look and point as if I am a biological specimen in a bottle.
    I put my hands against the glass and scream, the unbearable agony.
    No one hears, no one listens, they put me here before I could explain.
    They put me here as they did not want to hear, why ?



    From there side I appear as a goldfish in a bowl in the corner,
    With the questioned tagged on the bowl, how can a goldfish stalk ?
    But only observe from the isolated corner , the dark cold corner…
    The corner you have imprisoned me in…
    People have done this to me my entire life…

    Why ?
     
  2. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    Hiya there, welcome to the forum. Ive been to deviantart quiet a bit and have seen some amazing work, which is yours? People here wont judge you, i hope you find the support your looking for. feel free to pm me if you want to talk or share some art x Amy
     
  3. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    have you tried conceptart.org . they are good but just be careful what wording you use, they have a section called sketch books where you can post your art there, you will have to put adult content if its explicit but for the most part they are really good and people understand its an expression through art
     
  4. eagle

    eagle Well-Known Member

    hi, welcome to sf!

    i am really interested in your artwork!!! maybe you could find somewhere else to post it that is less controlling or maybe even start your own website :)
     
  5. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Welcome to sf :)
    God.. im so sorry to hear about that. Deviant art is riddled with kids though, I can see them doing something stupid like that. I really really hope you have copies of your artwork. But even if not, they are an expression

    The suggestions are really good mate :) And I think making a website for yourself, would be amazing, because you would have complete control over it. It's very simple to make, there's loads of templates to use, and people who would give you a hand setting it up if you wanted. :)

    All is not lost :) Im really sorry to hear about the exhibition. But there are ways to get back to that. Sorry if that sounds insulting, I just mean, you can come back from this discriminiation and ignorance. There are people in the world who see artwork for more then what is on the surface. Deviantart is... well.. .. It's mainstream? So you get tools and groups and idiots who want only pretty flashy stuff. There's alot of erotic porn on there, but it's glorified "beauty". The moment the flip side of beauty is protrayed it's an "issue". but on there. Im horrible with names, but I've see some very disturbing and distorted artwork, but .. to me, it's never just that. Sometimes it's a true gateway into the hearts and souls of who we are. .. anyhow that's how I see it, and I know the art world is not defined by the ignorance of communities like deviantart. And neither are you. It's your expression, and your life. No one can tell you how it is or what it means, or if it is right or wrong. I hope you know that, and that this issue is their issue, and not yours. Fuck em, find a better place and set yourself up your own website maybe.

    I hope the money issues can be resolved.

    Welcome, and best wishes. There is always a way, even when it seems impossible. :)
     
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