My life is ruined

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rallen12, May 6, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Rallen12

    Rallen12 Member

    Hi, im gonna just explain how my life is going and how it was

    i had been a good student when i was in switzerland since my birth,now im in Portugal
    i left when i was 10,my dad stayed behind to take care of some things,sell things we wont need and stuff,and so my 5th grade i didn't understand ANYTHING...like anything at all i had to learn everything from scratch and my dad wasn't there only me and my mom and my sister,i didn't like the kids here they were very violent and judgemental so they thought of me like and ***** because i didn't knew anything and without my dad being here was even harder i did everything to not go to school then my dad came home my grades went straight back up and i passed the 5th grade but i failed math very hard and in the 9th grade i still fail math with very low math scores my 6th went a bit better but i still was depressed about school,the real problems really started in 7th grade when my dad left the house i didn't feel anything that year i was held back in the 7th grade when my dad got the news he came to my house and started screaming about me being in the computer
    then after some month or weeks i started having thoughts about kiling myself i eventually my mom said i shouldn't hold back tears when my grandma i didn't feel anything i just felt bad for not feeling anything, i never cried when all of that happened through my second grade to my situation now,im in the 9th grade and my dad had a another child, i barely see him like once a week and now i think i'l see him even less,even in the 9th grade my grades are horrible when i think about studiyng i don't do it,i stay at the computer 24/7 i feel uncomfortable out of my room i have the lights always shut off,i preffer being alone and have silence all around me
    and now my mom is having money problems i wake up everyday with my sister crying and screaming she dosen't want to go to school and my mom screams
    all the time im 16 and looking for a job i never ever cried about any of that at the maximum,i hold back the tears but never cryed or shed a tear
    when im with y friends i pretend to be a badass guy who always happy and cool full with confidence but on the inside its kinda of the opposite i had a girlfriend for sometime i was happy but like 1 month and half i stopped liking her,like i stopped wanting to be with her and straight back down to sad.today my dad came to my house i haven't seen him like 4 week because he had a baby with the woman he is living with.and i needed money for my schooltrip.when my mom said i was going to be held back again in the 9th grade i should forget and go take a equivalent course,my dad was really mad at me saying i don't study and i won't be able to go to a great school that dosen't need to pay book clothes or transportations or food,it was the birthday of a friend of my sister and my dad was taking us there,in the car he started saying that im only hurting myself and ruining my life and that i don't study il have to take a course that noone will care or hire me, then i thought all afternoon " my life is ruined il have no money il be a burden to my family and i wont be happy" my dad said that i was going to live alone, i didn't really care bout tthat i like being alone but now i came to see i screwed up my whole life and i always thought that suicide would be the way out of everything now more than ever i am considering it,i am 16 was held back in 7th grade and probably will in the 9th now my life is ruined and meaningless.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are very young hun lots of time to learn lots of time to find what will bring YOU joy in life repeating a grade that doesn't matter hun you will have higher grade maybe next time Thereis more then one way to get education home schooling their is trades school so don't give up on YOU yet okay your life is just starting
     
  3. Frenchie Gal

    Frenchie Gal Guest

    School isn't everything... You know you may feel alone, but mostly everyone in highschool are. You are trying to be somebody you're not, just because you don't know what you enjoy and are talented in. Look at the positive... you've got to see different cultures and travel to several places. Also, you need to take some initiative and get out there. Try different things (sports, volunteering, writing, art, etc). Education isn't everything. Life has hardly started for you. Many people don't have really good friends until adult years, when they find something to belong to, such as a religion.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.