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my life- may trigger... i don't know

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Frenchie Gal

I just feel so tired of life now, but it's getting so weird. Usually I don't give a second thought about it, but lately there has been times where I enjoy myself. Like today I went for a walk and when I took a walk the other day as well when it was nice out I felt like "happy" if that's a good word. But really I don't know. It's weird because I was enjoying it, but because of previous attempts I was in pain as my nose is really sensitive and the smells are so strong outside. Also, I have given myself a weak body. I have a hard time breathing now and am probably going to give up on hockey :( Last time I played hockey, I think I looked like an idiot because I had to put my head a certain way so air could get into it properly and I almost blacked out. It's like anyone noticed anyways. It feels like they know something and are now avoiding me. I just feel so tired and like nobody would even care any more if I died. Before I had more hope, but I was still depressed. I have depression in my blood... passed down to me. My mom's depression wasn't as severe. She didn't have to even talk to any one about it. Then I have a personality disorder as well :( and I feel like I'm the worst person in the world. I mean I can't talk to people, support people, make people feel better and as well I want to commit suicide just starting off because I have depression, but nothing else before, but now things have changed but are not as bad as other people's lives.
I hate myself


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You should try getting out more force yourself if you have to it will be good for you/ like you said you felt happy when you went for your walk. You may be effected from previous attempts physically I know im damaged goods myself from my mistakes and just natural Health problems. Having to deal with more then you should makes you a stronger person at the end of the day.

I'm jealous about you playing hockey I havent played in years.

Just because other people have it worse does not make your pain and suffering any less important or real. It's almost like your handicapping others and there problems so you feel more guilty about being depressed and sad which isn't fair to yourself.

I was just reading about self-handicapping so I had to fit that in somewhere haha. Anyways take care I hope things get better for you if u need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.
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