My life no longer has any purpose

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by hatch, Sep 8, 2010.

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  1. hatch

    hatch Member

    I feel like there really isn't a reason to live anymore. All I am doing is subsisting. I still function but I see few reasons to continue. My parents, grandparents and generations before that found someone to live with and love. I have recognized that I am unable to tolerate others in extended relationships, and that it only gets worse as I get older and less tolerant. This has shown me over the last few years that there is absolutely no hope of finding anyone. It's strange, I shouldn't want to continue the pattern of having kids, it makes no sense from any perspective other than biologically. I know on some level that the point of life is to sustain itself, to reproduce, and that I have failed at it.

    Now everything else seems pointless. I don't want to live anymore, suicide is on the table as a resolution for any unexpected turn of events and right now for the first time in 15 years I want to pack my stuff up at work, go home, and end it all. All there is to do is work to make money to buy things to try and fill that void that is only temporarily filled by fleeting relationships. My friends have slipped away for one reason or another. I hope this passes without acting on the urge, but it's terrible today.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope it passes too dam emotions get a hold of you and hard but it does pass okay Your life has purpose you just can't see anything right now clearly depression blackens everything everyone out. If it gets too bad call for help okay please stay safe please
  3. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the post,:biggrin: seems like you read my mind word for word for that first paragraph, I can really relate to everything. I hope it passes for you too, I didn't let it pass, resigned a couple months before making it 15 years at my job, now things are even worse, try not to make the same mistake.:worthy:
  4. CalifradMT

    CalifradMT Member

    I know how you feel. I have never been able to maintain a relationship for more than several years, mostly they end much faster, within months. I honestly wonder to myself if it is me who doesn't want to get close to another person - for fear of being left and the agony that always causes - The marriage I did manage to end up in was so filled with turmoil that I was medicated 24/7 and had to leave due to health issues.

    So, yes, it's a lonely existance. Getting up for me is difficult at my age. I collected some dogs and cats and hopefully will stop at 6 - but they do bring me comfort - and have encouraged me to buy my own home. They are my everything.

    I don't know your age or your sex, can you share that with us? And I wonder also if a parent didn't leave during your childhood, causing you to attract non-available mates (unable to make a commitment) so lessen the chance of being left.

    Hang on. Dont' do anything irrational. Talk about this please.
  5. hatch

    hatch Member

    33, male. Typical middle class upbringing, with some physical abuse history (father). I did the yo-yo thing (emotionally) with my relationship with my father before finally severing it for some years. I don't know if that has more to do with it or the bad first relationship I was in with a really chaotic girl who hurt me (which led to the first real at risk moment for suicide).

    It's funny, I've actually crafted a life of stability so that I would never be the same person my father was. I have the 40 hour a week job and the house, and I make really good money considering how stable my work is, and now it seems useless. I mean you get those things so you can support a family and a life, but if the family doesn't happen you're left with this empty shell you made. I do consider quitting to go do something a little more "drifter" like.

    What's funny is how terrible I think marriage is. I see people my age get married and secretly loathe each other for years, hating the life they are in. Eventually they end up getting divorced and she takes the kids and at least half the stuff, and he ends up working for support/alimony. Yet I still have this urge to do it.
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