I feel like there really isn't a reason to live anymore. All I am doing is subsisting. I still function but I see few reasons to continue. My parents, grandparents and generations before that found someone to live with and love. I have recognized that I am unable to tolerate others in extended relationships, and that it only gets worse as I get older and less tolerant. This has shown me over the last few years that there is absolutely no hope of finding anyone. It's strange, I shouldn't want to continue the pattern of having kids, it makes no sense from any perspective other than biologically. I know on some level that the point of life is to sustain itself, to reproduce, and that I have failed at it. Now everything else seems pointless. I don't want to live anymore, suicide is on the table as a resolution for any unexpected turn of events and right now for the first time in 15 years I want to pack my stuff up at work, go home, and end it all. All there is to do is work to make money to buy things to try and fill that void that is only temporarily filled by fleeting relationships. My friends have slipped away for one reason or another. I hope this passes without acting on the urge, but it's terrible today.