I'm tired. I'm not really sure what to say except I'm ready to leave this world. My life sentence is served. My GD psychologist FINALLY called me back today and left a message...haven't seen her in almost 6 weeks. I do not even plan on returning her calls....she helped me the best she could and that's that, and she was a great psychologist (3rd one I've been to), but I'm done with therapy. It's just not gonna work. I have no friends and very little family. The only people that would miss me anyways are my parents and sister. And my grandparents, but they can go fuckthemselves for all I care after how they destroyed our extended family. My parents know I'm suicidal now and are worried. They're having me call my psychiatrist tomorrow, but I'm just gonna lie to keep the xanax and klonopin coming. I've been through such bad benzo withdrawals before where I was laying on the ground unable to even get up. No way I'm going through withdrawals again. I know many have said this, but I have no reason or desire or anything to live, and nothing to hope for. I chain smoke about two packs of cigarettes a day to take time off my life. The only person or people I'd be letting down is PETCO because most of the people working there have half a fucking brain and I practically have to run the damn store cuz no one knows what the fuck they're doing. Sorry for ranting and raving.