My life sentence is served...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Caster, Nov 22, 2010.

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  1. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    I'm tired. I'm not really sure what to say except I'm ready to leave this world. My life sentence is served. My GD psychologist FINALLY called me back today and left a message...haven't seen her in almost 6 weeks. I do not even plan on returning her calls....she helped me the best she could and that's that, and she was a great psychologist (3rd one I've been to), but I'm done with therapy. It's just not gonna work.

    I have no friends and very little family. The only people that would miss me anyways are my parents and sister. And my grandparents, but they can go fuckthemselves for all I care after how they destroyed our extended family.

    My parents know I'm suicidal now and are worried. They're having me call my psychiatrist tomorrow, but I'm just gonna lie to keep the xanax and klonopin coming. I've been through such bad benzo withdrawals before where I was laying on the ground unable to even get up. No way I'm going through withdrawals again.

    I know many have said this, but I have no reason or desire or anything to live, and nothing to hope for. I chain smoke about two packs of cigarettes a day to take time off my life. The only person or people I'd be letting down is PETCO because most of the people working there have half a fucking brain and I practically have to run the damn store cuz no one knows what the fuck they're doing.

    Sorry for ranting and raving.
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Sorry you feel so bad.. Im kinda not doing that well myself atm.. But Im sure there are people who would miss u that you dont even realize..

    In any case, I wouldnt try to make an impulsive decision.. Atleast think through it.. And know what might happen if attempt and fail..

    Treatment may become hell is all Im gona say.. Just try to weigh out what consequences there may be.. atleast..

    I wish I could be more helpful but atm.. Im trapped myself..
  3. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    I'm curious about your benzo use and it making you feel better or worse?

    For me they definitely help and make me feel less suicidal at first, but after extended use I usually end up terribly depressed.

    Are you afraid of becoming worse coming off them? Now probably isn't the time for you to do it anyways just saying....
  4. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    Well...I'm using three 0.5 mg Xanax and two 1 mg klonopin each day. They help to keep me from crying during the day, so it's a necessity. I can't cry at work and have to fake being happy. Plus they help reduce the nightmares and anxiety dreams I have almost every night. Regardless though, I can't remember the last day I made it all the way through without crying:(.
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