Hello,.. I wanted to share my life story at least with someone... So here it goes.. I'm 34 years old male,and have a diagnosis of "Borderline personality disorder" ..It was diagnosed,when I was 10 years,or so. I had pretty hard time in school,but I managed anyway...Fortunately,at that time,there was a special class for people like me.After that,I haven't managed do all that much in my life..I am in disability pension today..been for 10 years.First time suididal feelings came up so powerfully,that I realised them as such,was something around -97,... and I'm not sure if they ever disappeared. I don't think they do.Those of you,who had heard about "five stages of dying",I believe that they can be triggered by Perceived vicinity of death as well...In my case,back in -97,when first addressed the issue of suicide,and therefore mentally "accepted" this as one possible outcome in my life.. I came out of closit as a gay seven years ago,and that solved some past problems,which were because of denied or nonrealised identity...but new problems became as well... Being this old,and with no achievements in life,it's hard to get boyfriend... That's a one thing.Other thing is,that I tend to do drugs,because they seem to be the only "working" medications with that BPD,since there is no medication for that really.So my suicidal feelings consist of many things: generally feeling wortless,like being a "surplus people",which many of us are,in this industrialized world..... Being happy only while in high....but inability of maintain that indefinitely... Newest thing is,that I tend to practice unsafe sex. I believe,that this is my subconscious way to try to commit suicide.I would not try it with any "faster" method,because they are too fast,and could leave you injured for the rest of your life...and other people would know,that it was suicide,this way,I insist to myself,they wouldn't.