My life sucks.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mogonogo, Jan 19, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. mogonogo

    mogonogo New Member

    I'm eighteen. I've been browsing these forums on a weekly basis since I was fifteen or so. I feel guilty when I blame my endless depression on my current situation, because I know there are people who are far less fortunate. After all, I am in a home with food. I even have a car. Not everyone can claim that.

    The truth is my life fucking sucks, and I think I have good reasons why. If I'm wrong, please let me know. I'll go back to the psychiatrist and actually fill my Prozac prescription, numbing my emotions into oblivion.

    My life sucks because:
    1. I suffer from a skin condition that makes me develop a rash from heat. This can be triggered by something as simple as laughing. The solution? Load up on a minimum of four pills of Benadryl for a few hours relief. There is no cure and I've had this for years.
    2. I've become completely dependent on Benadryl for the mellow feeling it produces in high doses. I take far more Benadryl than I need to in order to control my skin problem. This is probably destroying my body and my brain, I've been doing this for years.
    3. I'm an eighteen year old virgin who has never had a girlfriend, or even a hug, from the opposite sex. I doubt I ever will. I think just a hug would feel so incredibly good. At the same time I fucking hate people because they are transforming the Earth into a global shit hole.
    4. I'm a senior in high school. I was bullied in elementary school, middle school, and still am today.
    5. As a result, I have zero confidence and extreme social anxiety to the point I tremble constantly around people. I have to struggle to keep the muscles in my neck and my hands from shaking uncontrollably. This makes a job seem impossible.
    6. Now I shake even when alone and I don't know how to make this stop.
    7. I'm fucking ugly and have had an acne problem over my face, back, and arms for years. No medications or obsessive cleanliness has helped. I'm pale because I never go outside.
    8. Every school day, I will myself out of bed at 6 AM and drive to my high school in the freezing cold dark. There I go to overcrowded classes in trailers and I am watched by black security orbs in the hallways. Barbed fence surrounds the gates. Call it a school but it's a prison.
    9. I smoke and drink daily because these activities give me a little bit of relief from my terrible life. I know smoking is probably killing me, but the fact is I don't care. That would be permanent relief.
    10. I've completely lost my faith in any God but for some reason still believe in Hell.
    11. I am paranoid of going insane and I am afraid I already have.
    12. I've watched the area I grew up in be transformed from a small neighborhood into nothing but row upon row of subdivisions and lanes of traffic. Light pollution has made the sky a murky grey, there's construction everywhere, and frankly this place looks like Hell and I'm sick of it.
    13. I have only a small handful of friends and I fear they are only my friends because they pity me and don't want to see me kill myself.
    14. Suffered from insomnia for as long as I can remember and I am constantly sleep deprived.

    My siblings have dropped out of school so I am the only one set to receive a diploma at this rate. One has considered suicide and is now on antidepressants and counseling. Both my parents have to work all day to pay our rent even though they are well in their fifties. I don't think they will ever retire. This planet is Hell for the vast majority of people. Even in the "wealthy" industrialized countries we work our entire lives. CEO's earn six hundred times what the average worker earns. We work for a year to go on vacation for a weekend and experience life the way it is supposed to be.

    I've been suicidal for years and the only reason I don't kill myself is the pain it would cause my already fucked family. My future will be nothing but more of the same shit in college followed by being a lonely wage slave until I die just like everyone else.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2008
  2. mogonogo

    mogonogo New Member

    Forget it I'm going to get hammered until I pass out.
  3. D3ath

    D3ath Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry im not sure what to say i can feel your words and can see your in alot of pain. I think most importantly :hug: i think yuo deserve one you had alot to deal with in your life. I know you probably heard this before but theres alot of hope that things will improve.

    Also acne is very common i got a friend who suffers from it very badly too (he's also 18 - same age as me). However it does go away, it should start to clear up during your 20's. Certain medicines and chemicals can make acne worse so it may be worth checking with your doctor regarding you medication and acne. If its a huge issue with yuo they can also refer you to a dermatologist who may be able to help.

    As already said im 18 and also a virgin, so your not alone there. The smoking and drinking is slightly worrying by the way, is there no other way of making you feel better? No hobbies?. They dont have to involve other people btw, could be anything from watching anime to creative writing/drawing.

    Bullying decreases when yuo get older it doesnt always go on forever just hold in there things improve.

    If you ever need to talk just pm me. I dont think getting "hammered" will really improve things in the long run either. Please stay and talk?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2008
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I agree with much of what was said in the previous post. While things seem like they will never change, some will. I am sorry you have been bullied throughout your school years. no one should have to be the target of bullies. It does seem to decrease as you get older and i hope this will be the case for you. Your acne should also improve. I don't know about your skin condition, but have you spoken with a dermatologist about it? Maybe there is something besides Benedryl that would work better. You would know better than I there.
  5. D3ath

    D3ath Well-Known Member

    Err lol.. Sorry i forgot where the edit button is so...New reply me thinks.

    Im sure your aware of the affects from suffereing from Insomnia, however its not necassariy something you always going to have to live with.

    Take a look at this page:
    If you notice syptoms of Insomnia are anxiety and depression.

    Theres some ways listed which can help you tackle it maybe this will improve your sleeping patterns. Hopefully changin other areas of your live in the process.

    Remember if you really want to improve your life you can.
  6. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    you mentioned a skin condition that doesn't sound like acne. my life sucks btw also. Have you been tested for lupus? it's worth checking on-discoid lupus is what Seal,(music star) has. it's treatable, but not curable. steroids is what they usually prescribe. the sun causes flares in discoid lupus, so if you find the sun irritates your skin, check it out. lupus-the skin condition has made my life hell. Actual systemic lupus is anyone's worst nightmare-it's when one's immune system turns against itself and attacks otherwise healthy organs & tissue. it's not contagious, like hiv, but is also an auto immune disease. It is primarily a disease diagnosed in females, but more & more males are being diagnosed w/ it. The good news is that discoid,(skin), lupus seldom develops into systemic,(organic), lupus. For what it's worth...
  7. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    my life sucks too, and i also lone to be loved by someone. a kiss, a hug, for petes sake anything at this point. i dont have very many friends either, and hate everything about myself, because im so fucking worthless. ive thought about suicide a lot lately as well, but the fact i lone for romance has kept me from doing it; that and the romantic novels i hope to publish when i get older. odds are whatever youre going through i am too, wanna talk?
  8. mogonogo

    mogonogo New Member

    I will have ot talk tomorrow, because it is not happening right now... :dry:
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Mogongo. I'm 27 and still a virgin, and that's nothing to be ashamed about. Society makes it seem like you have to have sex or else you're a loser, but that is bullshit. I've just never met a female that I would want to have a sexual relationship with. I've even turned down a stripper one time. I was also bullied during grades 5-8 and everyone hated me. But I didn't let it get to me because I knew that one day things will get better. Now I'm a high school teacher and things have gotten better for me. People enjoy my company and women just adore me. Things should get better for you too. I agree that it's difficult for hard working families to make ends meet, but you have to try.
  10. mogonogo

    mogonogo New Member

    You all remain so optimistic. This is because you are conditioned by evolution and society to fight to stay alive no matter what. Because ultimately, let's face it, science is the ONLY study of our world that makes any sense or stands up to any criticism. Faith is nothing but a joke: a reason to live when in reality there is none. The truth is this tears at your core just as it does mine. And as you learn more and more how TWISTED this world is, the feeling only increases until you go mad.

    In true honesty: I commend you for atleast attempting to give this pathetic reality any purpose, because after all, it is all we get.
  11. D3ath

    D3ath Well-Known Member

    More like hypocrites :tongue:. We are our worse critic personally i feel theres no hope for me yet i give advice to other people :S.

    I cant really explain why, just that its the only way i can think of to try and stop people feeling the same as i. The advice isnt totally useless if you willing to give it a try, after all suicide is the last avenue you want to take.

    Also glad your active, i was sort of worried.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.