My life sucks

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pieceofcrap, Oct 6, 2006.

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  1. pieceofcrap

    pieceofcrap New Member

    My life has been a piece of shit ever since my parents have had trouble...at age 9 my parents fought alot (physically too) it got so bad for us (my brother sister and me) that well at least for me my life has declined. I remember one time they fought on my birthday and the cops even came. when i entered middle school i realized i was small, i got bullied and teased alot and so my confidence went down. Now at age 15 i have now no friends, not ever had a girlfriend and i have divorced fucking parents. I just found out that my mom is now changing her religion (judaism- we are or were a jewish family- i still am jewish) to an african one which believes in potatoes and stupid crap. My only friend my brother has recently gone to the states for college and now i am feeling crapier than ever. I have no friends at all and have cu myself ever since.

    Nothing-Adam Gordon(myself)

    He wandered the streets of which he never belonged
    Got to a point were no one cared
    No one talked to him or even cared if his life prolonged
    He grew but not as he thought, he grew scared

    Tired and weak as the time passed by
    No one saw him or sensed him
    For him he was just the invisible guy
    His thoughts went dark and mentally dim

    This world had news for him as he thought
    He was plainly not a part of society
    He himself felt within the pot, distraught
    Had him never felt that kind of anxiety

    And so the weeks passed by
    And he was not to be seen
    So he sat alone in the corner to cry
    He prepared his blade so it would be keen

    He stroke once and twice until he pierced his skin
    Red gel filled that so empty and lonely spot
    Of were he never belonged and ever shown a grin
    His surrounding grew dark and so unpleasantly hot

    He had left that world of which he used to record
    Of where he used to feel so alone
    Among the people of which he ignored
    In which he felled day and night to depressingly moan

    Finally he left the place he used to recall
    Where he was nothing
    Where he worked his balance to prevent that fall
    Of which he fell and ran away from being, nothing

    He was once nothing in that world
    He was once a fly in that great wall
    Where he was bullied by society, hurled
    Where he lost the fight and again pall

    He was nothing
    Nothing he was
    No one cared
    And his life finally declared
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 6, 2006
  2. MariaM

    MariaM Guest

    Hello!

    My dear you´re so young. How can you feel hopeless at that age?
    You can change your life but all change begins on the inside. You have to ask for help, not hurting yourself but just by talking to someone of your family, or someone you trust and see a doctor. So that you can feel stronger.

    Do you have extra activities? Music, dance or sport... is really good. It´s an healthy way to meet people.
    If i were your age i would do that. I regret so many things but the one i regret the most was not helping myself when i could, when i was as young as you are now.

    Take care.

    All the best,
    Maria
     
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I'm 19 right now and still dont have friends, whereas everyone else in college does, I'm the ONLY FREAKING ONE!!!! :dry: :sad:

    I should have been involved in some extracurricular activites back in middle/high school and even now I should in college, but I just can't, I've been used to being alone and anti-social. I hope that you can change right now, you'll be very thankful later on, trust me, but I can understand how you feel about the no friends part. I've just had my little brother for company really.
     
  4. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    I think 90% of peoples lives suck at 15. It may get better, so have some hope. Take the others advice and get into so extracurricular stuff, take up hobbies. I'm 24 and have no friend and have never had a girlfriend either. I regret not doing a lot of things when I was 15. Get out and do stuff so you don't regret it when you are my age.
     
  5. MariaM

    MariaM Guest

    And the most weird thing in this forum is that i read posts here that i could have written....
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you have been through such turmoil at your age. Divorce is never an easy thing fo a child to handle. It also doesn't help when the relationship was not a healthy one. Being bullied is not uncommon, but that does not mean it is right. It destroys a childs self image and does a great deal of damage. It is no wonder you feel as you do. If you can become involved with activities of some sort, it may help. I don't know if you are into any kinds of activities or not. Sometimes if you become involved with a group of people sharing the same interests, bonds can be formed.

    It is tough when siblings move away. Since you were close to your brother I am sure this made things all the worse. Are you able to keep in close contact with him? Have you spoken to him about how you feel? Have you spoken to anyone? When will he be home? As time passes by, it will be easier for you to accept he is away and even though you miss him the ache will not be as strong.

    I don't know what to say about your mother changing religions other than to support her in her choice. That does not mean you have to agree, or believe as she does. And if you really feel strongly about it, be there to help guide her back if she is open and willing. I know this is a great deal for a young person to deal with. Know that you have people here that will support you and help in any way we can. Take care.
     
  7. pieceofcrap

    pieceofcrap New Member

    Thanks alot people, I really appreciate it...

    I am into activities such as writing and drawing but all the drawings just express my self in dark colors so i hide it away from people... I am now thinking of entering a team....I hope that your problems too are fixed, but i kno that mine are healing...

    My brother was my only close friend and i do keep in touch by the internet but still it isnt the same...well i guess it is better than nothing...


    I try making friends but everybody i talk to or try to hang out with just thinks as me as a ten year old and just pushes me back...not easy being a "freak" as people call me...

    But, good news, today i made a couple of friends in the beach when i went skimboarding!

    Again thanks alot you guys...you just made my day and increased my self esteem(dont remember how to write it):tongue:
     
  8. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    Glad to here you are feeling better, and that you made some new friends.
     
  9. MariaM

    MariaM Guest

    Hi Piece!

    I´m so happy for you.:biggrin:

    All the best in the world,
    Maria
     
  10. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Its trully terrible to see so many people isolated and cut off from other people...and at such a young age..WTF is going on with our school system, and society at large that connections between people are so hard to form, and so fragile when life turns for the worse as it inevitably does.? Is it money? The quest for wealth, working longer hours, people only associating with others at the same level as them? Ive been guilty of that sometimes If Im honest, and I feel pretty disgusted in myself for doing it...Fortunately I would say Im less guilty of this than the overwhelming majority of the people I see around me.

    Im not religious, but "There I walk, but for the grace of god" (or something like that) is a phrase we should take seriously I think.

    Also just because your young doesnt mean you somehow have no right to feel hopeless. Im 33 now and Ive been going through this shit, on and off, since god knows when, but at 15 when your surrounded by people at school for 6, 8 hours a day, it could actually be worse. Worse because your constantly surrounding by people doing things your not, enjoying the friendships you dont have...living the life you desperately wish was yours. School can be a incredibly cruel place...The shootings weve heard about lately are testiment to that.

    Im glad youve made a couple friends recently :) Getting out there and mucking around the beach is great fun...Who knows, hopefully these friendships will develop into something long lasting, and meaningful for you.

    Best of luck

    M.J
     
  11. pieceofcrap

    pieceofcrap New Member

    HELP

    I just found out that my mom is getting married!!!!!! i have serious suicidal thoughts
     
  12. MariaM

    MariaM Guest

    Hello!

    I don´t understand what you´re going through... my parents are married for almost 30 years.

    But you knew she was with someone. Didn´t you?
    She has the right to be happy.

    If my parents got married with someone else i would accept, and be very nice to that person. Respect her/him.
    I´m a very peaceful person.

    It all will be fine.

    take care,
    Maria
     
  13. Jenova

    Jenova Well-Known Member

    Hi, I have to say that my life sucked when I was 15 too and i had a perfect family unit. It didn't matter though. It's such a hard and confusing age. Well I thought so anyway. It's a weird part of life where you're getting older and more independant but you're still stuck in the role of child. You've been through more than many people your age. Witnessing violence in the home is very troubling, I can't say I understand because I've never been through it. I feel for you and I hope you get through this. It can get better. I knwo you probably wish you had an intact family but if it's not a happy one, then you won't be happy either.

    As for friends, I didn't suffer from lack of friends myself when I was younger but the friendships I had felt hollow and meaningless. Many friendships that people have at your age are like they, they're empty and fickle.

    Try to hang in there, yo have so much life to live and things do get better.


    J.
     
  14. Blank with Empty

    Blank with Empty Well-Known Member

    I live with my grandparents and never really got to know my real parents who both got married now and I see a little. Both of which I don't feel anything for. I never had alot of violence in my family except for my uncle who beat his wife and also cheated on her. He also hit me a couple times when I was young 9-10.
    Watching your family rip apart is something I know all too well. Starting from birth I was already separated from my parents. Know your not alone in what your feeling and going through.
     
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