My Life Went Downhill In a Matter of Hours

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Eggie987, Mar 6, 2018.

  1. Eggie987

    Eggie987 New Member

    I have never ever been able to speak about my feelings but today felt like the day I needed to do so.

    For the last 6 months of my life I have been going on a downward spiral, every single day feels like a challenge and feels like something is waiting to go wrong and I wont be able to fix the problems that arise.

    A short version of my story:

    I lost my grandfather, grandmother and best friend in the time period of a week. All 3 people were extremely close to me and for 6 years I was not able to even speak about it, jump forward about 6 years, my girlfriend at the time who was extremely verbally abusive and emotionally draining tried to commit suicide, because of the effects of drugs, I did not know she was on drugs at the time, however I was providing her money in order to pay her bills etc, turns out she was using said money to buy her drugs.

    I then met a young lady at my work, we got along so well. We were inseparable, we spoke about everything and I eventually opened up to her about the previous events in my life, now she was engaged to be married to someone else yet we started falling in love. Not that kind of love that every single person finds and brags about. This love was real and we felt it, it got to the point where we could actually feel each others emotions and psychical pains etc. We ended up together for about 6 months, after leaving her fiance for me, which I to be honest did not expect. Yet I was happy.

    Another problem I suffer from is Manic Depression, which to be honest is not the most fun thing to deal with because the people you love the most are going to be most susceptible to it as they are extremely close all the time, on top of that I have an extremely short temper and I lash out at people, eventually black out to the point where I wont know what I am doing or I wont be able to stop myself. A few incidents arose where this girl I grew to love with my entire heart was hurt by me, I physically hurt her but it was only bruises. I was torn after that, how can I do that to her, how can I hurt her like that. The man who was meant to love her with his entire being actually hurting her. I subsequently tried to commit suicide <Mod Edit - Methods> she pitched up at my house unannounced and comforted me, I dont deserve a woman like this in my life I thought. I really didnt to be honest.

    Fast forward to today, she decided that we are not good for each other, she has been the only person I was able to console in and able to talk to, I dont have any friends, my family have ridiculed me for my actions against this woman. I am literally alone in this world now.

    As I sit here sitting in front of my computer I plead to the world, if there are any good souls out there that are willing to talk or just give attention to someone who is border lining suicide, please help a fellow human out.

    I have never in my 27 years of existence felt so alone and unloved/unworthy to the world before.

    Please help me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 6, 2018
  2. DowntheRabbitHole

    DowntheRabbitHole "Non est ad astra mollis e terris via"-Seneca

    Eggie, I'm sorry you are feeling so down. But you are not alone! You have so many people here on SF who will support you! Check out the chat room. You'll see how great the people are!
    Please take care of yourself.

  3. Eggie987

    Eggie987 New Member

    Thanks Rabbit!

    I will go have a look and chat to people a bit.
    DowntheRabbitHole likes this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there @Eggie987 I am sorry you are feeling so low, welcome to the forum, you will definitely gain support and insight here. When you feel like giving up bear in mind why you held on for so long. You are still young and can do plenty with your life. There are other people on this site that suffer from the same disorder you do so hopefully that will help you out somewhat. Wishing you the best.
    Eggie987 likes this.
  5. walkerbait95

    walkerbait95 SF Social Media Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hi there, break ups are a tough thing to deal with. I hope that you get the support here that you need, man. Stick around and keep posting. We're all here for you.