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My life you bullies...my LIFE.

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by _Terry_, Jun 23, 2010.

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  1. _Terry_

    _Terry_ Member

    From the day I entered kindergarten all the way to graduation, I was picked on, excluded, laughed at, humiliated, and beat up so much. I didn't have any friends. I was fat and I wore cheap clothes. What they did to me has had an everlasting effect on me as an adult. I extremely shy. I'm socially awkward anytime I'm in a group of people. I can't approach people and start conversations. I can't make friends because I don't know how. It's very hard for me to trust someone new. Every time I'm in a group of people, especially if it's a social gathering, I feel like I'm some sort of weirdo. Some sort of black sheep. Out of the few words I can get out, I always feel like I said something weird or irrelevant. Even the nice people make me feel like a weirdo unintentionally just because they look at me like I'm extremely timid(which I am). My self esteem is extremely low. As a result, I've been going from crappy job to crappy job since graduating high school.

    I always wonder what could be different about me now if people weren't so cruel. If all those years I was in school and I made friends, and went out and had a good time, and learned how to interact with people, I could be an entirely different person right now. I could be happy and successful.

    Bullying has also followed me after graduation. Every job I've been to since I've graduated, I've been bullied at, eventually getting to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore and I would quit. It doesn't matter if I report them or not. Most businesses do not do anything about bullying, which is a shame. I really hate that too because here I am trying to earn a livelihood and they allow someone to torment me to the point where I can't take it anymore. I don't work a job for extra cash. I work a job because I need the money just like everyone else.

    I've been unemployed for 7 months now. I want to get a job, but I'm also very scared because bullying is everywhere I go. I just feel like someday I'm going to end up being homeless because they're so mean and I don't want to be around them. I just feel like I'm living dead now. I'm not gonna be able to do anything with my life. I'm just going to rot away. All because of "kid stuff". Kid stuff my ass. That "kid stuff" shaped me into the person I am now.

    People always tell me "That was when you were a kid. That doesn't have anything to do with now." Bull**** it doesn't. It's turned me into some sort of lonely, clammed up, self anxious, non-outgoing freak of a person. This is what it's done to me. And they have the nerve to say that to me. That is doesn't matter. My life has been completely discarded! Down the drain goes the potential for me to accomplish the dreams I had when I was a kid. If I walked up to them today and told them what they did to me, they wouldn't care one bit. My life is NOTHING now thanks to them. My life will be what it's always been. One big giant craphole! Thank you for ruining my life. My LIFE. My L-I-F-E! Clearly it's not worth anything at all!
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi Terry..On here you are not alone..you will find others who have suffered the same as you.....
    I'm sorry you were bullied...they are nothing but cowards...
    I can't stand bullies...actually I hate them....
    I wonder if doing a course on self esteem and/or assertiveness is possible?....
    Might help with future bullies if you learn how to confront them....
    also I think therapy could help as well.....
    I hope you keep reaching out here for support....
  3. _Terry_

    _Terry_ Member

    I could get therapy, I could work on my self estem, and I could learn how to better deal with bullies. The only problem I have with that is that either way, I'm not gonna be able to do shit with my life. My family, particularly my mom and dad, is the only reason I hesitate to kill myself. When my mom and dad are gone, that'll probably be the end for me.
  4. starbox

    starbox Member

    hi terry, i identify with so much of your story; bad time at school leads into lack of self esteem. i'm really sorry youve had such bad experiences at work. i have to say ive had similar but have also had 3 jobs i've enjoyed with nice people. (but yes ive had plenty like the ones u mention. was even asked by manager of one place 'do u think anyone actually likes u here?' i shall never forget that one!) but do keep looking for another job, maybe go with the feel of a place above the money .actually reason i feel so low is because i was laid off from lovely job recently!
    youre right, life isnt fair and who knows what we could have been with brilliant childhoods.theres no doubt it scars u for life.you sound a really nice person, i'm assuming youre still quite young.youve still got everything ahead.take care xxx
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you're gonna stay around for your Mum and Dad....that's a very caring thing to do...they would be devastated if you were to take your life...trust me I know...
    stay strong and don't let those damn bullies ruin what's left of your life ok...:hugtackles:
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