my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NobodyCared, May 26, 2014.

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  1. NobodyCared

    NobodyCared New Member

    I find myself with more curiosity about what's to come after death, then I have of will to go on in this life.

    I have nothing. No family and no friends. When I say nothing.. I mean no one. Not one single person.

    I don't belong in this world. Something is not right. If my life was a computer game, you would think that the game has something wrong with it. My entire life seems as if it was a waste. I feel like I'm caught in a bad dream and I want out. Any time something good happens, something bad follows.

    I have always believed in thinking positive. My positivity has ran out. I've been in my room day after day, alone. I have not left my room much today. I never seen my family even though they are 40 feet away in another room. I could have died earlier today and they would not have known. They don't care about me. I feel like this isn't even my family.

    Anytime something good has happened in my life, my "family" would be so negative to me like they wanted to good in my life to go away. When I'm feeling depressed, they are happier. The energy in the air is different. It doesn't seem like this is real. I sometimes wonder if my life is not what it seems.

    My family seem robotic. I know what they are going to say before they say things. Why? Because they have been the exact same way my entire life. Are these people real? Why am I such an outcast here? I've done nothing to deserve it.

    All they do is put me down. Sometimes with a smile on they will say things trying to anger me.

    I feel like there is no point of going on. After moving, I don't know many people. I have no real friends. I have no one. I just want out of this life and I admit I'm scared to kill myself.

    I know there is something to this. I'm not suppose to die. But something is wrong and I'm not strong enough to go on here on my own. Loneliness is the worst feeling. Knowing you have no one is not a happy thought.

    I just want to be happy. I don't remember what that feels like.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi There, welcome to the forum.

    Loneliness is the worst feeling but by joining this forum you are not alone. Don't feel alone, just think about the positive things in life. You have come to a wonderful place, let me assure you that. Don't ever overthink either as that causes so much turmoil in oneself.

    You will find happiness but like I say that might take sometime. Please take one day at a time and try to keep positive. I understand this is hard but you can do it. Please take care and keep posting here.
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi NC welcome to SF, I am sorry that your family treat you this way - the old saying is true that we cannot choose our family, although we can find ways to not allow their craziness to get to us. You say "after moving" - have you moved out of their home to a place of your own? There are other ways to experience happiness in this life, and it's very likely on SF that you'll find some inspiration to help you deal with your feelings - this is why we are all here, supporting each other :)
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