I find myself with more curiosity about what's to come after death, then I have of will to go on in this life. I have nothing. No family and no friends. When I say nothing.. I mean no one. Not one single person. I don't belong in this world. Something is not right. If my life was a computer game, you would think that the game has something wrong with it. My entire life seems as if it was a waste. I feel like I'm caught in a bad dream and I want out. Any time something good happens, something bad follows. I have always believed in thinking positive. My positivity has ran out. I've been in my room day after day, alone. I have not left my room much today. I never seen my family even though they are 40 feet away in another room. I could have died earlier today and they would not have known. They don't care about me. I feel like this isn't even my family. Anytime something good has happened in my life, my "family" would be so negative to me like they wanted to good in my life to go away. When I'm feeling depressed, they are happier. The energy in the air is different. It doesn't seem like this is real. I sometimes wonder if my life is not what it seems. My family seem robotic. I know what they are going to say before they say things. Why? Because they have been the exact same way my entire life. Are these people real? Why am I such an outcast here? I've done nothing to deserve it. All they do is put me down. Sometimes with a smile on they will say things trying to anger me. I feel like there is no point of going on. After moving, I don't know many people. I have no real friends. I have no one. I just want out of this life and I admit I'm scared to kill myself. I know there is something to this. I'm not suppose to die. But something is wrong and I'm not strong enough to go on here on my own. Loneliness is the worst feeling. Knowing you have no one is not a happy thought. I just want to be happy. I don't remember what that feels like.