My life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Mightbehere, May 4, 2009.

  1. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I want this to be an interactive blog so its posted here rather then in the let it out section. For those of you who know me I am still a youngish guy. Just trying to find some happiness in this world.

    I am going well with my studies and have meet loads of really cool and positive people, I have meet a few girls that are really fantastic too. I feel though that I can't live up to their expectations and be more then a friend. I still feel like a failure, like the guy who made friends with an ass in High school and that 'friend' spreed horrible rumors up about him and tried to pass on his horrible nicknames to him....I still feel like its something to be ashamed off. when I look back I really wish hs could of been a positive experience and it could of easily of been I hate how these days they force people that don't want to be there to stay in school longer, they just make everyone that wants to study's lives hell. I hate those assholes and their horrible behavior towards me, I always treated others with respect and I still do. I dont know I just really wish that crap wasn't in my past. I still feel like I have to hide from it and I'm not good enough for the girls that seem to really like me and I want to date.

    As I said I'd never harm another person but part of me wants to get those little shites and ound their faces in and pick on them and see how they like it. I never cried and I held strong and never let it put me off getting an education but I bet they would of ran home to their mommies and balled their eyes out.
     
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Please don't drop to the level of those who have harmed you or others. That will just diminish who you are, which is a kind, perceptive person. You're meeting girls with no problem it seems, so just continue as you are and things will work out for you. My younger days were pretty horrible regarding bullying and getting picked on...but things worked out ok later on.
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I can understand how you feel. What those guys did in the past won't ever inhibit or have any effect on getting a date or being with a girl you really like.
    A genuine person will see that your strong for not going down to their level and for not giving up.
     
  4. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Today's a mundane day. i had a really weird dream last night...feeling rather blue.
     
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Do you want to talk about this dream?
     
  6. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Obviously not or I would of posted about it, just something about my fears and a feeling of being trapped.
     
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Well I hope you feel better soon.
     
  8. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Today was a fairly good day today. Felt a bit alone and disconnected but I did have some wonderful social encounters with a few people I know. Its great that things are working out for my friend and shes happy settling into her new home. I feel like I can complete everything that I have to do this week even know there won't be much leisure time and I really wanted to play some computer games. Next week will be even more hectic. So busy times ahead.
     
  9. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Was feeling really great but then i ran into some people who where talking about what age they had sex and how many girlfriends they had...then I started reflecting on myself and how I didn't get a girlfreind when I was young because I jus wanted to spend time by myself and get to know myself better, then people got sick and I had to care for them...so no time for a relationship.....the after that I had issues with people...so I lost it rather late....the whle reason why I didn't have sex until later was I wanted to actually be with someone rather then someone I didn't care for there were two girls that I could of just gone with but then after all this I realized that it was destroying me and I better just get it over and done with so I did it, and I still have trouble fitting in and feeling alone. Its not that I am scared of relationships I just don't connect with many people adn the ones I do are usally snapped up.........well I guess I can only keep trying and putting myself out there but I feel its a stain on my self confidence and I have heard that women judge you as nerdy and pathetic if you have only been with a a low score of women....women want the alhpa male I guess and I guess I'm a beta.....but they seem to really like me and my presonality...its just I don't feel right amongst people from being isolated for years........I just want things to work out for once...and work out properly but I guess even if they did I still would have my past were I 'sucked' so much.......thanks for reading everyone and maybe you could provide some imput I get a bit lost sometimes which is my weakness although it isn't really natural to my personality.
     
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey MBH,
    Don't lower your standards for anyone.. I think you are a great person and genuinely caring.. Just be yourself..If you find a girl you are interested in try touching her hand or put your arm in hers and talk with her.. It will show confidence in yourself..
    Don't worry about how many women you have been with.. It's not a game to sleep with as many as you can..Most of the time those who brag are usually lieing.. Trying to boost there self esteem..Just say thats my buisness and leave it at that..
    You obviously have something going for you to make new friends and to have different girls interested in you..Like I said be yourself and try the physical contact.. Take care...
     
  11. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I had a great day today and think I made another friend.... Was a really great day. Tomorrow is set to be jammed packed with things to do but I think I'm coping with the stress really well.
     
  12. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    was going well.....
     
  13. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    So much rage at the moment, I am quite well its just people piss me off with there snobish attitudes dasg'nrwab'nrhnrwhbnwrhb! argh!
     
  14. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Rage train! R-a-g-e t-r-a-i-n!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Raaaggggeeee traaainn
    afv
    mfsnbsdtgnhot;eismbt'ahg
    enrbjtn~~~1!!!!

    Arghh!
     
  15. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Well I'm feeling really good today. Last night I was upset because I found out my best friend from childhood got married and didn't invite me to his wedding....we were best friends from 3-13 years old and friends from 18-now at least I though we were there was onyl the gap in the middle of it because we went to different schools. Ah well F*** him then obviously he isn't worth getting upset over and I don't know why he did this, he has all my contact details so its not the case of lost contact.

    Its his loss. I don't know if I want to spend my time with a narrow minded bigoted fat bastard anyway. :smile:
    The only reason why I feel sad about this is because obviously I would, losing a friend that I always treated right but also its because he got shitty at me last time he spoke to me when I told him how well I was doing.......you could feel the hate in his voice.

    So did he only like me when he considered me ' far lower' then him and now I'm feeling better as apposed to how I was feeling I'm a threat.

    Ah well its his loss and he misses out on all the really cool things we could of done together.
     
  16. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Now thats a post I like to see.. A positive attitude dripping with self confidence.. Stay on that path and you will have good things happening in your life... Good work!!!
     
  17. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Yep Stranger1 Today I'm just plain HAPPY. :) :hugtackles:
     
  18. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Had a great night out last night with a few really nice people, its nice to associate with decent people for a change and I'm glad I did it. I did feel a bit lost in some parts of the socialization and they are all far more socially developed then me, and had better life experiences but I still had fun. Hmm I have also manage to get most of my work done as well, so things are turning out really nicely for me.
     
  19. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Well now I'm down. I don't just want to die, I want to of never existed. I wish someone else could of taken my place at birth. I know there's been things that I've had to take apart in...but this other person could of done them too. I don't just want to die, I want to dissapear and never of existed.

    My lifes just been from one abusive situation to another, sure in some ways things were good but then in others they were bad. I got hit before I got off the ground and in many ways I am still stuck as that little kid.


    ........Just want to never of existed.
     
  20. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I've been feeling great since that last post I have made. Although it sad seeing so many other people who are sad. I have struggled with long term depression and there is a way out of it, I still have my bad moments but things are improving.

    I think a major reason why I am feeling happy is I finally gave some horrible people the drop from my social calendar, they were just bringing me down and they enjoyed it. I have a lot more confidence in myself now.

    I hope that if people are feeling down they will pop into the positive and motivational messages section and read some of the thread I had made, the reason is they really helped me when I was sad so I hope they have that effect on others to, I found the poem called The Quitter to be very helpful.

    Cheers all and I hope next time I make an entry its a happy one. :lol!: