My life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Asianthing, May 20, 2011.

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  1. Asianthing

    Asianthing New Member

    Hi everyone. I'm new here. Anyways, my life hasnt been too great recently. Today, my dad screamed at me and said he wishes I was never born. My grades are falling and my mom thinks my brother is way better than me. Some nights, I stay awake with my stuffed dog, the only thing that really understands me. I'm in high school right now, and everyone has started treating me badly and nobody really likes me and they all think I'm creepy. I do embarrassing and dumb things for attention. My parents are about to get divorced over me. I've had suicidal thoughts for around 4 years, but it has never gotten this bad. I really would like to join the military when I'm older, but that's because I want to die helping others, not in vain. Most of the people in my school hate me, and nobody understands me. I just want it all to end. I feel disgusting and gross, and unwanted in this world. The only thing that's stopping me is the fear of the unknown. I was never baptized, but grew up near Christians, but never get answers from God. I hate this life.
  2. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hello to yourself - sorry to see you been feeling a bit down and having troubles with the family - you sound quite young, but that does not mean what you feel is not important - you'll be taken seriously here and listened to (or read!)

    You sound like your going through a bit of depression, and that heightens our negative thoughts - makes us very sensitive to words which might be said in haste more than any real attempt to make you feel bad.

    Your parents are NOT getting divorced over you! Put that out of your mind - because it really is not true. Your parents are divorcing because THEY cannot get along for whatever reason. Maybe its been this way for a while.

    You say you have had suicidal thoughts for 4 years - that is a long time - and due to be being so young, its a heavy burden to have at a time when you have the pressures of education. You miss out on a lot of fun also - because how we feel is often some biological/chemical process in our brains. This creates depression - it is no more your fault than it would if a tree branch fell and gave you a lot of broken bones.

    You should get some help from a doctor. It is unfair on yourself and others if you carry around a condition which CAN be treated. Many many young people will be going to high school and will be using anti depressant medication. Teachers also! Many people lead a productive life after using medication. It is worth trying IF you are several years into some depressive state which leaves you feeling a low self worth.

    I know some Asian communities might have a reluctance on medication and therapy and so on - but that is a 'tradition' which needs to be broken. But 'Asian' in the USA is different from 'Asian' in the UK which usually means people of Pakistani descent.

    Anyhow, makes no difference, we are all human beings and part of a greater family. Sad we are not at an age when we see this - but I guess things will change.

    Right now, due to you feeling depressed, you are likely being withdrawn and have little confidence. That makes you see everyone else as maybe not liking you. IF the other pupils do not like you and pick on you - that would make them bullies - which means they are sh**heads - jail bait of the future, a crime waiting to happen or another welfare recipient for life using the state to fund what they are not man enough to provide.

    I'm sure some of the other kids will see you as a good friend to have - its how you feel about yourself - but you have this illness - this condition which really is real - and really does need dealing with.

    My advice is to see your doctor - explain how you feel - and I'm 100% sure that if you are as honest to him or her as you are to us - they will likely see depression, which might be a relief to you - knowing that its not YOU who is to blame.

    Get that help - understanding depression makes you realise that you are victim of an illness or condition that we are at the cusp of defeating.

    Get that help, and you'll be a better person, you won't feel so damned down and you'll get on a lot better with your parents.

    Stay here also - you will find help and meet younger people who are in your situation. you'll find older people like me who can still relate to when we were young - or can relate to your parents as I am their age or thereabouts.

    Nobody divorces over children. Only a lazy man would do that - plenty run off to avoid the responsibility but it sounds like your mum and dad have fallen out of love. That is their relationship. If your dad has said this cruel remark to you - it is his own weakness and a failing. That said, with divorce, he will not be thinking straight. Hopefully in time, as things settle down with the process of divorce, and him leaving, it is possible you will be feeling a hell of a lot better and can re-establish some relationship with him.

    Your mother will need you now more than ever. Your main job is to get the help and then get back on the track of education, university and one day to be the person who helps your mother.

    As for the Army - politicians create too many wars for that to become anything more than fighting for your comrades. There is no glory, its all about cash money and a public dumb enough to wave the flags.

    I've had family in the military, who fought in WW2 and who would turn in their graves at the current situation with more young men being led down a blind path.

    So, I'd be thinking you might be better off getting a degree in something. The army have many heroic men - they would die for us - but the army uses that noble inclination and directs it into something not noble.

    If you want to save lives - maybe medicine, research, become someone who is part of some team which one day produces a drug which revolutionises the treatment of depression.

    Trust me - soldiers would thank you more for that!

    Good luck and God bless also.

    Looking for answers off God - sometimes, most of the time, we already know the answers. God created us and we created science, medicine and other wonderful achievements.

    Follow your own heart with faith. If it helps, it helps.

    Maybe your looking to God for answers when people have them.

    Maybe its God who leads you to the people who answer some of the questions!

    Anyhow, get that help as a first port of call.

    Do that one thing for yourself - and it will set off a chain reaction of sorts. All positive - because when you take that one step in the right direction, its the hardest one to take. But after that - we walk on my friend.

    Good luck again!
  3. Asianthing

    Asianthing New Member

    Dear peacelovingguy,

    I can't tell you how much I appreciate your response. Ive found some hospital volunteer work so I could help others. My problem is that I have periods of depression. Do you know if there are antidepressants for being depressed sometimes? One negative thing causes another thing and then I get depressed. Thanks for the friendly reply. Words can't describe the relief I have right now. You're the best.

  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun yes if you ask your parents to talk to your doctor you can get antidepressants that will help keep your mode more stable I am on them now and it does help I have energy to do things now. I hope you can talk to a councillor or teacher at your school sometimes talking to someone help the depression go away too. Nice to see you volunteering helping others. You can pm me anytime okay hugs
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